In My Shoes | The Music Freaks AU | A Jailey Fanfiction

Chapter 30 - Flushed Honesty

"Jake. You know what this means?" I say, rubbing my palms over my cheeks in pure embarrassment.

"Yeah, I do Hailey. It means we kissed. Are you okay? You're turning red."

"How are you not fazed by this?!" I whisper-scream, lightly hitting the side of his shoulder.

"I am fazed, but I'm not freaked out, because this is what I wanted."

"What the hell do you mean by this is what you wanted?" I ask, confused by his choice of words.

"Hailey. You can't be this ignorant. Your self asteem can't possibly be this low. You have better be joking. I've made it so obvious. I have basically told you. Not outrightsaid it, but anyone would be able to figure out what I mean." He says, crossing his arms as well. 

"I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean you've "made it so obvious"? What are you saying?" I ask, and I truly have no idea what he's talking about. 

I just kissed him out of the blue, and now he's saying he's "wanted this"? What exactly does "this" mean?

"Hailey, you're so oblivious," he says in mock disappointment, shaking his head.

"I am not! If you would tell me what you mean, this whole conversation could be over!" I say, irritated at his superiority.

"I'm not sure you want the truth, princess. It will send you screaming in the opposite direction. I have no idea why you kissed me or got on top of me, but I sure as hell know why I enjoyed it." Jake retorts, still not answering my question, and instead supplying me with me even more inquiries.

"What do you mean you "know why you enjoyed it"? What are you saying? Why are you saying this? What is happening, Jake?" I ask, nervously chewing on my lower lip. He's making it sound as if he doesn't regret what just happened, even though that between the two of us, he should absolutely be the one freaking out.

He has a girlfriend. Okay, not one that he likes or wants to spend time with, or even likes him, but nonetheless, still a girlfriend. And because of that information, I now understand what was going on in his head when he broke down in front of me in my room all those months ago. And then theres the comparison between us. I'm not even on the same level as Lia. 

"Slow down. You're gonna give yourself a headache with all these questions," Jake murmurs.

"Okay, then here's an amazing idea! How you answer some of my damn questions!" I almost yell at him.

"Ohohoh, how the turns have tabled. All I ever wanted was answers for my questions from you, but noooo, that was too difficult, wasn't it?" He says, jokingly. "You're getting a taste of your own medicine."

He's right. I was always so difficult when he asked me questions. Now I know how absolutely infuriating it is. How exactly did he find it in himself to not strangle me? 

"Okay, but I told you what you wanted to hear eventually, didn't I?" I fire back. "Be honest, Jake. I thought you said you wanted to be honest with me."

"I do, princess. You have no idea how much I want to tell you, but it also scares the shit out of me so I'll tell you eventually. Just like how did with me," he states, calmly, and I come way to close to slapping him in the face.

"Just tell me what you mean, you asshole. You're stressing me the hell out." I say, gritting my teeth.

He pauses for a second, and his smirk falters. He looks away from me, and opens his mouth to say something, but stops and closes it quickly. Eventually he turns back to me and says, "You've stressed me the hell out since the moment we met, as well. Don't you think I deserve some sort of payback?"

"No. You don't. Jake, please," I plead, and he flushes. 

"I-I okay, look." He sucks in a deep breath, and turns to focus his attention on me. "You can't completely lose it. We're stuck in this classroom for another..." He looks up at the clock and finishes with, "eight hours. So please just don't make the next several hours a living hell for me."

I press my lips together, and whisper, "Of course. I won't no matter what you say," I assure him, and he nods and shuts his eyes for a few moments, opening them seconds later.

"You want the whole truth?" He asks, blushing, and his cheeks are shaded in a deep, crimson red. I've never seen him look so nervous and unsure of himself. 

I nod.

"Okay so...um...I wanted to kiss you."

What.

"I've wanted to pretty much all night. I was going to earlier by the water fountain but then that lady interrupted us so I didn't get to. I meant it when I said that I care and think way too much about you, and I lied when I said I wanted to be your friend. I don't. I really, really don't because..."

He pauses, and looks me straight in the eyes. He's so flushed, but so, so attractive. I'm going to pass out from shock any minute now. Is he...

No, he can't. It's impossible. All this time I've been pining after him, has he been...

"I don't want to be your friend because I don't want you in that way. I've never wanted you in that way. Never. I lied to myself at first and told myself that's what I wanted. I basically forced myself to believe it, because I was sure that if I gave in, and accepted that I've never been interested in just friendship with you, everything would fall apart."

"From the first second I met you, I felt something with you that I've never felt for anyone. Not Lia, not Luke, not any of my friends. I went home that day and was so fucking distraught because I was sure I'd never see you again. Then when she showed up at school two weeks later, you gave me the biggest case of butterflies. And on the first day, I was upset when I saw your neaklace with you and Adam's initials on it, because I thought you guys were still dating."

"You're the reason I can't fucking sleep, and my insomnia is so bad. I've almost had a heart attack a few times because I thought I might have accidentally liked a pic of you on Instagram before. You know how you were reading that book, "Better Than The Movies" a few months ago? I went home and stole that book from my sisters room, and stayed up almost the entire night reading it. It's was cheesy as fuck, but I loved it simply because you seemed to love it too."

"Every time I tease you, or pass you in the halls, I get butterflies without a doubt. I act stupid because I want to catch your eyes. I tease you because I love seeing you flushed because of me. I've wanted to punch Luke so many times in the past several months because before he fell in love with a guy, I thought he wanted you, and I couldn't figure out why it pissed me off for awhile, until I did."

"I asked you to tutor me because I wanted to spend time with you. I didn't care that I'd have to spend likely three hours doing mind-numbing math, just as long as you were there."

"I followed you out into the hall tonight because I wanted to apologize to you, and as I said earlier, you were stressing me the hell out. I kissed you back because I've wanted to for, honestly, the past few months."

I stopped breathing properly a long time ago. Jake's right, I am losing it. I'm already lost. He's confessing to...

"So," he says clearing his throat, and maintaining his eye contact. It hasn't broken this entire time, and I've been hit by wave, after wave of new, scary, beautiful emotions I don't know how to describe. "This has all been a very long-winded way of me telling you the whole truth. Well, almsot the whole truth."

He breaks our eye contact for a moment to grab my hand and intertwine our fingers. He locks his eyes on mine once again, and very quietly admits;

"And to be completely, truly, honest with you Hailey? I love you."