Creek <3

Diary (ii)

notes:

for KoiBoix

p.s. TW, this does not get happier (yet)
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Clyde's POV
Fuck. Why do I always do this? I always fuck up.

It was meant to be a joke, just me trying to embarrass Craig with how much he liked Tweek. But of course, I'd fucked it up and now Craig was locked in the bathroom doing god knows what.

Tolkien had sent me downstairs, away from the mess I created. Tweek was curled in a ball behind the kitchen island, passed out. I had carried him effortlessly onto the sofa, trying to make at least one thing right.

I heard a crash from upstairs. My heart thudded in my chest. That sound was the sound of a door breaking. Which meant that Tolkien had had to break down the door. Meaning something was wrong. Wrong on a mass level. I heard him yell.

"CLYDE CALL AN AMBULANCE. PLEASE."

I grabbed my phone and fumbled with the keypad, trying to ease my shaking hands. I called 911, silently praying that it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"HELP, SOMETHINGS HAPPENED TO MY FRIEND AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO."

"Sir, call down, can you tell me the address?"

I told her the address, so fast I had to repeat it twice.

"Ok sir, can you tell me your friend's name? What's happened?"

"His name is Craig. Craig Tucker. I don't know what's happened, my boyfriend is with him right now."

"Ok, can you take some deep breaths for me. Craig won't get better from you freaking out hun."

I breathed deeply, trying hard to focus on the comforting sound of her voice. She instructed me to go check on Craig, to tell her what happened. Dispatch couldn't be there for another 15 minutes.

I anxiously crept upstairs. Tolkien saw me coming and bit his lip, so hard he drew blood. He beckoned me to sit and told me that it was best I didn't look. But I could see anyway. I saw the blood coating his hands, heard the drowsy murmurs of my friend.

I felt the sick rise in my throat and I dropped the phone and fled. I barely made it to the bathroom in time.

Tolkien's POV
I wiped my hand on my jumper and put the phone on speaker.

"Sir?!"

"It's his boyfriend, he's being sick downstairs."

"Are you with the patient?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Can you tell me what's happened?"

(tw, major level)

"He's.. He's done something. To himself."

"Sir? Can you describe what's happening?"

"He's, um, he's cut himself. A-and I think he's taken something. Quite a lot of something."

"Ok, can you stop the bleeding?"

"I'm trying."

"Dispatch will be there shortly hun. You're doing great ok?"

I didn't respond, wrapping towels around Craig's thighs and applying pressure. He was woozy, from blood loss or whatever he'd taken. I couldn't tell. My stomach lurched but I refused to give into the nausea. I breathed shallowly.

A few years ago, me and Clyde spoke about disassociation. It's something your brain does to protect you from something that might be potentially damaging.

To most, it's like drifting out of your body, or to be watching something through someone else's eyes.

I had assumed that it was just something that people with past trauma did, but watching my friend lose consciousness made me realize that anyone can disassociate.

And in the moment, I felt myself slip into the space between awake and asleep.

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notes:

first, this chapter was difficult for me to write. i wanted to just make it all jolly and happy and end it (not the book, just the chapter) on a gold note. But the reality is that it wouldn't have ended well. I wrote this chapter loosely based on something that happened to me, on a lesser scale. I understand that for a lot of people this is the case too. I didn't wanna just cover up the most likely ending because it was dramatic and severe.

of course, if you feel like this, or if you need someone to talk to please reach out. There are some help lines listed below but if you want my discord is:

unlucky_paz

previously known as:

Topaz<3#7770

helplines:

Suicide prevention line: 116 123

Emergency help: 999/911/000

Domestic abuse: 08082000247

Eating disorder: 0203 918 6340

Childline: 0800 1111

NHS: www.nhs.uk

Kooth: kooth.com

Childline: childline.org.uk

Beat EDs: beateatingdisorders.org.uk

please do not hesitate to call or text any of these numbers.

stay safe, stay strong, and make sure to take care of yourself. I love y'all lots xx