Fading Through Memories

77

Bucky's Pov

[Only-RY X]

"Afternoon, gentlemen." I tease, sitting on the table Steve got for us. "Did you order anything yet?" Staring up at Sam.

Both Sam and Steve are looking at me with sad faces. They know I've been through hell but they also feel helpless because there's nothing anyone can do to make her remember us.

Remember me.

"You look like shit." Sam tells me, sipping his water.

"Are you getting any sleep?" Steve's voice is so soft and understanding it makes me want to cry.

"Not so much." I tell them the truth. "It's better now that she's awake...but still, not so much." Rubbing my temples.

"I don't understand, Bucky." Sam says for the millionth time since she woke up. "Why would you decide to torture yourself this way?"

"You could've just told her." Steve adds.

I take a deep breath. "I hate the idea of forcing her into a relationship she can't remember, guys. She's amazing as a friend and I'm not risking making things awkward between us. I need to have her close to me. Even if it's not as...you know." Looking down for a second. "Saying it doesn't destroy me is a lie because it fucking does but...I don't know." My eyes begin to sting. "I fucking miss her." Dropping my eyes to my empty plate. "But I couldn't tell her she is the love of my life. That would only have made her feel committed to feeling something that she can't feel because she doesn't know me." Wiping under my eyes.

"Damn." Sam leans back against his chair. "That's heavy, man."

"And generous." Steve smiles at me. "She'll remember, Bucky. I know she will and if not, I'm pretty sure she'll fall in love with you again."

"It's meant to be, Cyborg." Sam nods.

"Happy anniversary, love." I let my eyes drop before they can notice the tears. My glass high in the air.

"She'll remember." Steve says as his glass clanks mine.

"Damn right she will." Sam chuckles.

I smile, hoping to God they're right and she comes back to me where she belongs.

— — —

"Ready to go?" I knock on her door, impatient to see her.

I haven't seen her since last week.
The fucking party.

I've been gone to a mission but we've managed to talk through text and FaceTime. It's not the same as seeing her beautiful face in person but it did the job.

"Bucky!" She darts out of her room, jumping to hug me. Her legs wrapped around my waist and her face buried in my neck. "I missed you."

"We talked every day, doll." I set her down before her body makes mine react.

"It's not the same as seeing you in person, dumbass." She punches my chest, making me step back. Faking being hurt by her small fist.

"Where's the lucky lady we're taking shopping today." I sigh, having missed the fur-ball. Our fur-ball.

"Oh, she's sleeping in my bed." Ana grins, gesturing for me to get inside. "I have to put on some shoes."

My smile widens when I notice Alpine wrapped in herself as a small white ball. Leaning down to pet her head as she purrs.

"She says she missed you." Finishing putting on one shoe.

"I missed you too, Alpy." I whisper to our cat. Taking her leash from Ana's nightstand and prepping her to go outside. "We're going on my bike, Doll. Steve's car is not working and he asked me if he could use mine and I know you don't like—"