Elusive Dreaming

Dear, Colby-Colby Brock

Dear,Colby-Colby Brock
Song: Villan-Lily Rose, Don't Go-Yunblud

Warnings: Cheating, Mental Illness, Breakup, Fighting, Borderline Abuse.

Drama is so pitiful, yet what we thrive off of because it's what keeps us interesting. In turn we play a game called the blame game.

Playing the game initials that the main person blames and places their blame on someone new. Someone else becomes the villain in their story instead of them.

Masquerading as a hero of sorts to the masses. Concluding an idea that every headline has a new story. 

Wondering how weary and tired the “good guy” is, only for the true villain to gaslight them. “Maybe you never were the good guy.” You looked at him, stone faced anger boiling out of you. “You’re right, maybe I am the villain.” He sighed while he glanced at you with a soft look. Reading your body language.

“Okay, then.” You said pretending to sniffle. “Come here,” He said, ready to embrace you in a hug. While he hugged you he stroked your hair.

Once or twice he kissed the top of your head as you snuggled into his chest. From the outside this looked fine, a fight here and there. However, it wasn’t here and there over something with a kiss and make up.

Fighting was every night. By the next day he got a call to go film for his YouTube channel with his friends. Meaning you were alone with your thoughts for the next week. Convincing yourself that he was cheating on you.

Overthinking about your heart being left in the dirt you did something insane. You boxed up his stuff is blind rage and moved it outside underneath the outdoor tent in the backyard.

You cared about him enough to contain the impulsive urge to throw his stuff outside unorganized.

Controlling the urge to burn it because of the metaphorical person he was cheating on you with could buy him new items. Yet, you didn’t when he came home the following Sunday you had changed the locks without a word to him.

“Babe?!” He shouted looking for movement inside. Your car was still parked in front of the house, insinuating that you were in fact home.

Although, it was possible someone could’ve picked you up. His voice was like summer rain and his smile was soft. Something told him to check the mailbox, a pit formed in his stomach as he read about you suspected him of cheating.

How his stuff was outback, it was his house and you kicked him out. He was promised Neverland, he was promised a bed of roses.

He was on his best friend's doorstep that night. “Leave them,” Sam, his best friend, told him “I love them.” Colby admitted. “But you’re not the enemy Colby.” Sam told him, looking him in the eyes.

Colby thought about home as he laid away staring at the ceiling. With the little sleep he did get he dreamt about how you talked to him. “Baby, we can make this right.” You whispered in his ear. It felt as if you were truly right next to him at that moment. “I love you, and only you.” He whispered back while talking in his sleep.

“I’ll stay with you through the night. Just until you wake up baby, everything will be alright.” You told him in his dream. Colby was startled awake by the sound of a car door slamming. Taking a moment to remember where he was.

“Mornin’” Sam said without even glancing at Colby. Colby wondered where everything went wrong. “I have to get my stuff today.” Colby told Sam, running his hand through his black hair.

“Okay, I’ll go with you.” Sam said Colby reacted in panic as his eyes widened. “You don’t want me to?” Sam asked “Yes, and no, I don’t want them to freak out while you’re there.” Colby admitted.

Meanwhile, at home you were starting your daily routine.

Reminded of him as you stood on the opposite end of the counter looking at where he normally stood. Today it was empty and forever it would be empty. All because of you and your mind running rampant.

By noon a truck was outside as well as Sam and Colby. You tried to ignore the sound of their voices and the beeping of a moving truck.

Enough was enough, you had a reason you made up an excuse to kick him out. In reality it was because it was a serious adult relationship and you weren’t as ready as you thought you were.

You loved the end of the fight where you were back to dancing in the refrigerator light acting young and dumb. Anxiously you went outside not bothering to lock the door or put on real shoes.

“Here,” You told him, shoving a book of letters in his hands and the new keys. “I’ll send someone to get my stuff but I was a bitch and this isn’t my house. I’m sorry.” You said before heading to your car on a whim you left.

You wrote each letter when you felt guilty after every fight. He sat outside in the driveway reading the first few.

“Dear Colby, You are not the villain or the enemy, .Yeah, I've heard things, going around running through this town. I heard ‘em all say I never loved you. That you found someone new, gave up too soon. But that's half the truth, one in a million points of view.

Honestly, it made me feel good to make you the villain in my story. Making you take the fall and how you went with it. I made them all believe that you were the bad guy and that’s how I genuinely felt at that time. You played the enemy so well but you played the hero even better.

I know now overnight that the world isn’t so black and white. Surely the world will soon see that you aren’t a villain, in fact you are quite the opposite. They will all know how much you tried to make it work.

This relationship isn’t worth saving, Colby you need one that is. Someone who is mature enough to handle the up and the down with you.

Someone who can bear responsibility, I see that now. I write this as you are outside moving your stuff. I feel guilt for what I put you through and now I am gone. Each fight has a letter but this one is the one that made me see you for you.

I should’ve seen this long ago, Say you’re there when I feel helpless, if that is true then why don’t you help me?I know it’s my fault.He wants love but I reject it,I feel my heart pounding,I feel my heart drowning. Breathe in now that I am gone.

I will forever have you as my first love. Thank you for being a good person and sticking with me through it all.

Sincerely,

The Villain."

Published: 05/24/2023
Word Count: 1176