Elusive Dreaming

Tonight I'm Drunk-Lip Gallagher

Tonight I’m Drunk- Lip Gallagher

Song: Losing Face (Demo)- Wilbur Soot

Tonight Lip Gallagher sat in a bar drawing his sorrows. “Kev, another!” Lip shouted at the bartender as he slammed down another empty shot glass. “No, I’m cutting you off.” Kevin responded with a look of sorrow and pity glimmered in his eyes. Sorrowful for the young man sitting next to where his father normally sat. “Fuck it, fine the night is still young.” Lip mumbled passive aggressively, slapping down a few one dollar bills before stumbling out the doorway of The Alibi Room.

Drunkenly Lip found himself outside of your door. Sobering up just a tad yelling for you like a child screaming for their parents. “I don’t care anymore! As long as you're happy.” Lip shouted his voice being broken up by sobs and hiccups.

That night you got a call from your neighbors at work complaining about the brunette slurring his words together as he called out to you. Although he had no idea you weren’t home. “Fucking hell Lip.” You sighed unlocking your door to drag in your ex before he was found dead underneath the L train. Deep down you knew this wasn’t an act of spite.

You viewed it in that light for now, you knew he lost a piece of himself in you. “Can they smoke more? Can they fuck more?” Lip shaklee asked, slurring as you finally reached your couch. “If I didn’t go and fall in love and ruin everything.” Lip sobbed his voice cracked as you laid him down and began to take off his boots. It killed you to see him break like this but someone was going to build him up again. It couldn’t be you not after three years of hardship just to love each other.

“Do you love them more than you loved me?” Lip asked lucidly enough to know he wasn’t sober but not enough to care. “That piece of me is in the past Lip.” You replied in your head outside you remained silent other than a few grunts of exhaustion from moving his deadweight.

“I saw you two at our cafe.” Lip said although you worked at the cafe and it wasn’t news that someone came in to see you. Or that he saw you chatting with another person as you worked. “Are they better than me? Have they seen more in this life?” Lip questioned yet again you remained silent only answering his questions in your head. “Will you marry them? Like I wanted to be with you.” Lip said

"Will they break me? Or will they break you? What the fuck am I supposed to do?” Lip mumbled to himself. This is his confrontation with you. He needs this. You kept telling yourself as you flipped him on his side and set a bottle of water and some pain killers on the coffee table for him. As Well as a trash bin with an old plastic grocery sack to act as a trash bag.

“Touch them, and break me. Strip naked and embrace them while losing face in their pace, their stamina while I'm losing face.” Lip mumbled, modding off finally. You draped a blanket over his body and sat a pillow beneath his head. “Goodnight, Lip.” You kissed his head before going to work at the cafe again. Even if the simple phrase and the eight letters of I love you had lost their sense of hope you still cared. Just not in the same way anymore.

That night was all about him, Lip Gallagher consumed your thoughts. Part of you wanted to watch him sleep to make sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit while you were away. Yet, the other knew you needed the money and that you flipped him on his side so he couldn’t.

Around two thirty a.m you arrived home again for the night. You saw Lip sitting up in the dark holding his head in his hands, the blanket from earlier draped around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Lip said not looking up at you once. You didn’t respond or have any words; you froze in your tracks at the sound of his raspy voice.

Lip finally looked up at you, his blue eyes met yours. “Did I say anything stupid?” Lip asked you nodded yes still unable to speak.

“You said a lot of stupid shit.” You finally spoke, easing the tension a bit. “Elaborate?” Lip said “You were going on about how you loved me still. Also asking so many questions.” You started moving closer to Lip. “I’m sorry.” Lip apoligzed again. “Part of me wants to accept your apology but the other part is torn.” You admitted “Why?” Lip asked

“Because you said some fucked up shit while you were drunk. It’s been on my mind all night.” You told him to sit next to him. “I found this in your pocket.” You said giving him a note from your pocket. “I uh, didn’t read it but I was tempted to.” You told him “It’s everything I wanted to tell you but never got a chance.

Maybe I told you all of this while I was lucid. Maybe I didn't andI don’t have a clue.” Lip gave the paper back. “You told me how you wanted to marry me and you saw me talking to someone at our cafe.” You told him. “Oh, shit.” Lip said, rubbing his head, “Anything else before I go.” Lip said

“Yeah you asked if they fuck more, or if they can smoke more. Also how much they have seen in this life.” You softly said. “Well I guess that makes the dried tears on your face explainable.” Lip said

“And the ones on yours.” You responded. “Well, I have to go and thank you for taking care of me. I will try to make sure this never happens again.” Lip rambled standing up and tossing the blanket on the couch behind him. “No.” You said mentally cursing yourself

“What?” Lip said, turning back to face you. “Don’t go tonight, you can stay here. It’s three am and weirdos and junkies are up at this hour.” You explained. “I’ll be fine.” Lip reassured

“This isn’t for you Lip, please just give me peace of mind and stay tonight.” You said “Fine.” Lip said “Thank you, goodnight Lip.” You said walking upstairs to your bedroom.

“Night.” Lip responded. With that you went and comfortably slept knowing that the guy downstairs was safe. Even if he was lost you saw a light for him.

You didn’t  open the letter. You never brought yourself to opening it, because you finally left on good terms.

Published: 03/03/2023
Word Count: 1123