He hurts.
He isn't the boy who I previously loved, he's Malfoy.
He says hurtful things,
He does hurtful things,
He does not care about the consequences,
He takes things too far,
He hurts.
His words cut through me like a knife and I feel as if I am being gutted and every single nice thing that he has ever said to me spills out of me like blood.
Yet he makes me smile.
He makes me feel special,
He makes me feel worthy,
He makes me feel good,
He makes me feel things I have never felt before,
He makes me smile.
His smile brightens up any room every single time he does it and the butterflies flutter in my stomach like crazy.
We need to talk.
We can't be in this 'in between place' we need to listen to each other - not argue, talk.
He may not want to do that but that's what we're going to have to do. If either of us are going to move on and avoid arguing every single time we see each other then we need to communicate and get over it.
I stay silent for the rest of the trip; going over what I want to say in my head. I buy myself a jam donut and some croissants from Honeydukes but other than that I buy nothing else.
Harry and Ron almost buy the whole store and even Hermione purchases some sweets. We skip buying any new stationary and things but we do buy some more Gryffindor merchandise. Seen as though it's November, we all buy some gloves and hats and Hermione tries to buy me another scarf but I remind her about the one she bought me previously.
After going in the shops that we only feel the need to go into, we walk around Hogsmeade for a while, estimating how long it will be for the Christmas decorations to be put up. We talk more about the exams and what we think they will be like and end up discussing what we did over the October half term until we arrive back at the castle. Hermione and I share one of my croissants while we talk about books for a little while until she feels the need to revise.
I stand up and leave it her to it before exiting the Gryffindor common room.
Having any source of communication with Malfoy is bad for me.
It's all I ever think about and I can't do anything else until it's sorted. If we didn't bicker then I wouldn't feel the need to go and talk to him like I do now but I can't just ignore it. I simply can't.
I knock on the pitch black; metal door and I patiently wait for it to open. Some random year 6 Slytherin opens it and he says nothing before stepping to the side. Instead of questioning him like I really want to, I scour the common room for Malfoy.
He's not here.
I enter the boys' dormitory and I still don't see him, I can't even see his friends so I knock on his and Blaise's dorm. "Who is it?" Blaise shouts and I hear the lock click. He peeks his head out from the door and I offer him a small smile. "Oh hi there."
"Hi." I respond and he steps out of the way. I slowly walk past him and into the room where their whole friend group is sat in this room.
"What the-
"I need to talk to you." I interrupt before the blonde can change my mind by being awfully rude.
He rolls his eyes and stands up off his bed. "Get out- why are you...why do you need to talk to me?" Malfoy stammers and I cross my arms as he walks over to me.
