Seoul nights • Woosan

Thirty-eight.

I was accused of several crimes: corruption, participation in smuggling, illegal fundraising... You can say anything when you want to frame someone. I had done exactly like the others, only my supports weren't as powerful and I wasn't ruthless enough. After all those years in business, for the first time I realized I was still naive. 

I was locked up in a district prison. at first my situation seemed desperate, to make me confess they even threatened me with capital punishment. But even if it scared the shit out of me I knew it was just unfair. So many people worse than me kept going about their business, what did I do after all? Soon it became clear that the matter could have been resolved in a simpler way than expected. Despite this slight consolation, the lawyer informed me that the case could drag on for a very long time. 

I couldn't stop thinking about two people during those days: my mother and Wooyoung. I was worried for my mother, I already gave her a huge disappoinment. She had long understood my sexual inclination and after the divorce I hadn't left much to the imagination. My 'condition' was bad enough for Korean society without my being wrong in prison. Only when I thought of my mother did I still feel guilty. During those days there were moments when I felt so bad for her that I wished they'd kill me for real. Would it have been better for her? 

So many nights I cried myself to sleep with that thought, but still I couldn't forget the reason why I felt that way. I loved him and the more I thought about it the more real it became. I felt in a constant contradiction: how could a feeling so strong, so real, be a fault? I wasn't worried for Wooyoung. I had worried for him for too long, I knew he'd be okay even without me. The only thing I felt when I thought about Wooyoung was a huge regret. He was the love of my life but I realized it too late and, worst of all, I couldn't make him understand. I had nothing left and still I clung to that feeling with total despair, it was my only treasure, the only one that I still cherished jealously.

At first I couldn't see anyone but my lawyer, but then things changed. I was allowed to meet Jongho. Jongho updated me on the many news: the entire heritage belonging to me and my company had been frozen, the investigation was still ongoing and the firm had practically ceased to live. The executives were all gone looking for better places, but this I expected. Only Jongho seemed to stick with me trying so hard to get me out of there. I felt extremely moved and if it wasn't for the ban that wouldn't allow me to do it I probably would have hugged him.

"How's my mother?" I asked.

"She's fine, hyung. You don't have to worry, your mother is my mother. I visit or call her almost every day. She's not alone"

"Thank you, you're a friend Jongho!" I smiled fondly.

"Talking about friends, I have a note from Wooyoung. He asked me to give it to you" he hand me a paper.

It was hand written.

"My Sanie,
be confident, as you always are. Everyone is working hard for you. I'm sure you'll get out and I'll wait for you, I don't care for how long I'll have to wait. I'm here to stay. You said you owed me for the rest of your life, right? You can't take it back. I'll wait.
Please, take care of yourself.
Yours forever,

Woo"

In reading that 'yours forever' an unstoppable river of tears flooded my cheeks. In all those years we spent together he had never said or written anything so sweet, so personal. There was an implicit tenderness in the choice of those words.

"How does he know?" I asked trying to dry my face.

"He called me. He was worried, your phone was off. Actually, he came with me today. He's outside"