Seoul nights • Woosan

Thirty-seven.

It didn't take long before we made peace again.

He called me a few days after our fight, I missed him. Of course I did, but I was serious when I whispered to myself that I couldn't take it anymore. I tried my best to be strong but everytime we fought I felt like I was loosing another piece of me and I knew it wouldn't take much longer before I would find mysef completly gone. Wooyoung had changed and I didn't know how to handle the new him. So I refused but he didn't give up.

He called me again on a Saturday afternoon and invited me over. We never met during the weekends and I used to tell him that I was his Tuesdays lover. That Saturday as well I was busy, I had an important dinner with my main investor Zhi Hang, the bank owner, I couldn't reschedule. Wooyoung just asked me where the dinner would take place and when I asnwered cutting it short he didn't complain.

It was past ten when I exited the Chinese restaurant barely staggering to my car. I had a lot to drink and I was deciding if it was wise to drive in those conditions when I heard a voice calling my name.

"Choi San-ssi"

I turned. It was Wooyoung. I could not contain my surprise when I saw him standing a few feet from me with a smirk on his lips.

"What are you d-doing here?" I hiccuped.

Okay. I was drunk, but I was also pretty sure that I wasn't hallucinating: Wooyoung was right in front of me and I couldn't help to find it weird.

"I've been waiting for a while now. Do these dinners always take this long?"

It was a fucking cold night and he had just waited for me outside of the restaurant for God knows how many hours. What did it mean? If he didn't care about me why did he do that? Was he playing with me?

I locked my car once again and walked with him. I asked him why had he waited for me and he answered that he had nothing else to do. We walked and talked for long and before I realized it I was sober again, standing at his side in front of his apartment's door.

Have I always been this weak? I wondered as I followed him inside, soon surrendering under his kisses. For the first time I spent a Saturday night there. The next morning we stayed under the blanket: the heating was still barely working and it was freezing cold. I hugged him close, holding his small body against my chest, listening to his soft breath lulling me. I knew he was awake.

"I hope things can go back as they were between us" I found myself whisper on his nape, he didn't answer "I have nobody else, I just want you"

I knew I was throwing away my last ounce of pride but I didn't care, I wouldn't give up without one last try.

"Give me one last chance. Give us one last chance. We're worth it, you know that. Wooyoung, what I feel for you is still the same. I still love you, I think I never loved someone as much as I love you. I only think about you, I only want you" it was the truth.

"How can you say that?" he broke his silence.

"I'm saying the truth, trust me, Wooyoungie. After you I couldn't find anybody else"

"Except your wife..." he scoffed.

"That's different, I never loved her. I married her just because I was scared. I wasn't ready for you but now I c..."

"How can I trust you?" he shut me "How can I after all you've done? How long will it take before you get bored, or scared, or - I don't know - and find somebody else. Now you don't feel anything for anybody else, but who can tell what will happen in the future?"

What else could I say? I did it in the past, I knew something inside me had changed, but I couldn't just ask him to trust me.

"San, listen..." he turned and faced me "I have a friend, he's so good to me and what we have it's - good. Yeah, we're balanced. I'm already doing him a huge wrong, I can't hurt him more than this"