Seoul nights • Woosan

Thirty-six.

I didn't see Wooyoung for many days. I waited. I waited for him to call. But he never did. Things had changed. Once again I had to face the reality: I was the one that needed him and not the other way around. Almost two weeks had passed before I found again the courage and contacted him. I asked him out for dinner and to my surprise Wooyoung happily accepted. I wanted to take him to a good restaurant, but he refused, he proposed to stay at his place instead and he could have cooked for us.

That night when I knocked on his door with a red rose in my hand I felt really tense but as soon as I saw his smiling face all the tension faded away. He thanked me and invited me in. In two weeks nothing had changed much. The apartment was still small and tidy. The only difference was that the kitchen looked more "lively" than usual: sink and stove were full of plates, pots and pans but still placed in order. An amazing smell was coming from one of the pots.

"Hope you're hungry" he smiled walking back to the stove.

"I'm literally starving, what did you make?"

"Japchae. I hope you don't mind if I cooked the vegetarian versione, beef is just so expensive these days" he pouted "if you're hungry I left a few banchan on the table"

I didn't walk to the table though because my attention was caught by Wooyoung's bedroom. The light was on and I could see the desk unusually messy. I walked in and noticed that many of the open books were from a preparation course for TOEFL and GRE.

"What are you doing in here?" Wooyoung's voice made me turn "Food is ready"

He was leaning on the door, curiously gazing at me. When I didn't move he took a few steps forward.

"Are you planning to leave South Korea?" I asked pointing at the desk.

"Huh?" he looked at me puzzled but when he understood what I was referring to he chuckled "Those books are not mine. Yeosang is taking the exam in a few weeks"

"Yeosang?" I asked, but at soon as the question left my mouth I immediately regretted it.

"I told you I was seeing someone, didn't I?" he lowered his gaze.

"Is he good to you?" my heart ached and I mentally slapped myself for asking more, I really didn't want to know. I could tell he was happy, why would I ask?

"He is" Wooyoung was clearly embarrassed.

"Have you been together fo..."

"Can we stop this, please?" he interrupted me "I feel bad enough already, I don't want to talk about this. Please. The food is getting cold" and he left the room.

We ate in silence, when our plates where almost empty I talked again.

"How long have you been working at that Japanese company?"

"One year, more or less" he answer without meeting my gaze.

"Why did you leave your previous job? I thought you liked it"

"And I thought you liked foreign companies better" he smirked, "this place is good, my colleagues are nice and I like the job. Don't you worry!"

I nodded and stayed silent for a while but I could feel a heavy weight on my conscience. It was clear that he didn't want to tell me about the emails, but I couldn't pretend I didn't know. I took a piece of kimchi from the small bowls in the middle of the table as I spoke.

"It was because of those emails. I know what happened"

He froze and finally raised his gaze, "How do you know?"

"I've been there while I was looking for you and they told me" my voice turned to a whisper, too embarrassed to face him "I was scared something had happened to you"