quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

deal with the devil

As she took out the milk she felt her chest hurt, as if she had received terrible news. The feeling of discomfort pressed her shoulders down as if she was being pushed to the ground by an unknown force. She stopped for a second, her head pounding as if someone had hit her, and then the overwhelming sensation of crying. She wanted to drop to the ground, curl down and cry desperately.

'Get him out of that room.' Lilith screamed in her head, pulling her out of the spiraling sense of despair.

She made her way to the room, stumbling a little in the hallway and tried to open the door, but to no avail as it was locked. So she knocked.

"Osamu, are you alright?" She said in a troubled tone, the headache was returning. Chills ran up her spine as she got no response, so she knocked again, with more force and desperation.

"Give me a second, I-Iam- I am changing!" He answered, his voice trembled a little, he was not expecting her to come to the room, not before he had calmed down and faked he was not a car crash victim of emotions.

She didn't buy it, so she ran to the kitchen, looking for something to pick the lock inside the kitchen drawers, and she did find something, a long looking bobby pin, or clip, either way it was going to work.

She inserted it on the lock and moved it around in frustration, but hearing the click she longed for, she opened the door quickly, and found Dazai crutched on the ground beside the door, pulling his hair. He had not even heard her come in. Her blood stopped.

She inhaled deep, kept it in for four seconds and let it go in four more.

She crouched down in front of him, finally making him notice her presence. His eyes were open so big it looked like it hurt, his hands were grabbing strands of his hair harshly, there were even some loose hairs on the floor. He looked like a scared kid that had just been found after getting lost in a forest. She placed her hands on his hair, placing them around his tight fists, and then tried to get him to lose the grip he had on his hair.

"It's okay, we are fine, I'm here, you can let go of your hair now" She whispered in a soft and sweet voice, his eyes still had panic inside them but she felt his hand relax on hers, so she smiled at him.

"Thank you, honey" She said, as she started to breathe deeply and loudly, and he unconsciously started to mimic her respiration.

She looked at him as he looked at the floor. She placed her hands on his face, slightly squishing his cheeks trying to feel his pulse and hoping the pressure would give him some tranquility.

"How can I help you?" She asked softly and the letargic man still sitting on the floor, knees held close.

"Leave" He said coldly, with no emotion.

"I can't do that, so give me another option" She said with her voice full of compassion but unwavering, letting him know she was not going to comply with his demand.

"Just fucking leave, I don't want you here" He said, his tone was a mixture of anger, sadness and frustration.

"I'm sorry but I won't leave, and I don't believe that you don't want me here, I think you just don't know what to do with yourself" She whispered, still holding onto his face, he shot her an angry look.

"Get the fuck away from me" He said as he took her wrist harshly and pulled her hands from his face. She raised her hands as if surrendering. The look on her eyes and face did not change, even with the sudden venom Dazai was throwing at her.

"That's okay, I won't touch you if you don't want to, I'm still here for you, and will be for as long as you need or want, no matter how mean you get" She said smiling at him, while resting her face on her hands, looking at him, almost lovingly, and Dazai wanted to cry.