Limitless (NCT one shots)

He broke me (YuMark)

"I love you Yuta, why can't you accept it? Why do I have to fucking hurt every day because you keep rejecting me when I know you feel the same." Yuta paces, getting more frustrated every second.
"I don't think we should see each other anymore Mark." He chuckles bitterly as he turns to him.
"Just like that huh? Wow, I don't know what fucked you up but it really fucking hurts. Have a nice life." Mark walks out of his apartment with tears streaming down his cheeks. His heart is shattered. They've been dating for a little over a year. Mark said I love you around the six month mark and he knows that Yuta feels the same but he refuses to say it. Refuses to take any further steps in their relationship. When Mark asked him to move in together he panicked, so Mark backed off. He's tired of always having to shelf his feelings though, it's time for Yuta to take a step. Unfortunately it backfired, now he's lost him. He is gutted that Yuta would rather lose him than say three little words. He wanders the streets for hours before going back to his place, his cold, lonely place. He thought about going to a friend for comfort but he really just wanted to think. He walked to a lot of the places they had special moments or just small dates, he reminisced the happiness by himself.

After about a month of Yuta's continuous alcohol binges, his friends have decided that he needs rehab, or therapy, or just to talk to Mark. He's almost been fired from his job multiple times for showing up with liquor on his breath and he's always wanting to go out to the bar after work. All he ever does is complain about how his life is over and how much he fucked up.
When Mark gets a call from Johnny his heart sinks.
"Johnny, he's toxic for me. He won't open up, he won't give me what I need. I can't come crawling back every time." Johnny sighs.
"I'm not asking you to crawl back. Just talk to him, tell him he's not a fuck up and try to be friends or something." Now it's Mark's turn to sigh.
"Fine." He hangs up and gathers what courage he has.
When he knocks on the door his breathing shallows and his heartbeat quickens. He can hear some stumbling as he clumsily comes to the door. When it opens, it's like time stands still. He's had a month to try to move on but just seeing his face brings everything right back to the surface.
"Mark?" He whispers. Mark nods and walks into his place. He shuts the door and quickly walks in behind him. Mark is looking around his place, nothing familiar, it's a mess.
"Want to talk about it?" Yuta scoffs.
"Talk about what?" He asks as he picks up bottle after bottle trying to find one with booze left in it. Mark pinches the bridge of his nose.
"Why you are turning into an alcoholic? Why your apartment looks like a garbage dump? There are so many things Yuta." He drops the empty bottle in his hand and cries.
"I miss you." He whispers. Mark gets in his face pushing him back onto the couch.
"WHY? SAY IT YUTA, FUCKING TELL ME WHY!" He screams at him as he straddles his lap. Yuta's tears are nonstop, his breath is boozy and he smells bad but Mark still loves him, still feels attached at the soul.
"I l-love you." He whispers broken. Mark gasps. This is the first time he's ever said it.
"I love you Damnit. I love you ok? Are you happy? I said it." Yuta says with a mix of snot and tears on his lips. Mark kisses his forehead.
"So happy." Yuta looks up, actually surprised that he wasn't expecting more.
"I want you to go shower while I clean this. Then we will talk some more ok?" Yuta nods as his bottom lip trembles. How did he ever push him away, he's perfect, what was he thinking?
It takes him around a half hour to get done since he's still a little wobbly on his feet. Mark is hoping he will sober up some so they can have a proper talk. He has most of the mess picked up by the time he's out, at least the empty bottles, and he's hidden the full ones.
Yuta comes out in a baggy sweatshirt and pants and sits on the couch.
"Have you sobered up some?" Mark asks.
"Yeah, I could use some coffee." He says with a sigh as he stands back up. Mark walks with him to the kitchen and leans in the opening as he watches him make coffee and get some pain killers.
After getting settled on the couch again Mark takes his hand and squeezes his fingers.
"Talk to me now, please? Just tell me why you don't want to go to the next level with me." Yuta looks down fighting tears but it's a losing battle.
"It's my ex." He says feeling Mark's grip on his hand loosen.
"Do you still love him?" He shakes his head no.
"No. But he broke me. He ruined me for you." Mark squeezes his hand again.
"Why babe? What happened?" Yuta sighs again.
"His name is Sicheng, I always called him Winwin, it was just a cute nickname that I had given him at a carnival once. I thought we were perfect. Everyone said we were so cute together. It felt so perfect, so right, then he had a job offer back in China, it was only supposed to be a couple months and I was fine with it. My love was strong. But he left, and what hurt me the most is that he never looked back. I had given him my heart and soul and he smashed it to pieces and I've been trying to put it back together but I always get it wrong." He looks Mark in the eyes finally as he turns to face him more.
"I don't love him, I don't feel anything more for him except anger because I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I finally found someone perfect, someone who loves me even with all my flaws and I'm afraid to say it because if I don't, then it might not hurt as bad when you leave." He chuckles bitterly.
"It didn't help though. It still hurt, so fucking bad." Mark pulls him into his chest and pets his hair.
"I would never leave you Yuta, I couldn't. This time apart was killing me but I never once stopped loving you. I tried to push you out and stop but you were always there. You are in my veins Yuta, and you will be forever. I don't want to live another day without you, I just want you to let me in." He nods into Mark's chest and can feel his arms tighten around him.
"Can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry." Yuta whispers sounding more broken than ever.
Mark tightens his grip even more.
"I forgive you, and I will never, ever let you go again." Yuta frees himself from his grip and touches his face.
"I love you Mark."