Seoul nights • Woosan

Thirty-seven.

God, it hurt. Having Wooyoung between my arms saying that he was with someone else and didn't want to do him any wrong. I felt all my body shake with repulsion but I still couldn't find the strenght to push him away. Instead I spoke:

"Then, please, stop looking for me. Because now it's me that you're hurting" I felt tears escaping my eyes and rolling down my cheeks.

"I know. And I'm sorry" his thumbs wiped them away.

I stayed silent. I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to scream and cry and squirm and kick, but I didn't move nor made a sound. His hand was still on my cheek, caressing my skin with his thumbs. Soon I felt his hand under my chin raising my face so that we could make eye contact. He was so beautiful. His sad, bright eyes full of worry. Worry for me? Did I still mean something to him? Without realizing it I found myself kissing him and before we knew we were making love again.

I held his body like it was the most precious thing. His smooth skin was so hot between my hands. His smell intoxicating me. His pleasured cries music to my ears. He called my name when he came and then collapsed between my arms. That's when I knew: I knew it was enough for me. I was hurting, that's true, but I was okay with it. I would bear it for another hundred years if it meant hearing my name whispered from his lips like that everynight. I thought about the months spent without Wooyoung, about how I tormented myself, about how I fooled myself trying to pretend to be happy. It was thousands times worst not having him at all than having him just like that.

I hugged him closer, our sweat melting together, my nails drawing patterns on his back as I thrusted one, two, three more times before I came too with a low growl escaping my lips. Wooyoung's mouth was quick to capture my noises, almost devouring me.

From that moment a strange calm fell on our relationship. We didn't fight anymore. We kept seeing eachother two or three times a week and I had long accepted the fact that Wooyoung and I would never be a normal couple. Winter passed silently.

It was february, thick snow was falling from outside of the window of Wooyoung's apartment. He was in the shower while I, with a mug of coffee in my hand, was distractly zapping from one channel to the other waiting for him to leave toghether for work. I was about to switch off the tv when a breaking news caught my attention. The report was short: a Chinese bank owner was arrested just that morning for stealing a huge amount of money from the Korean government.

"Fuck!" I smacked my hand of the coffee table in front of me.

I was about to call Jongho with shaky hands when my lockscreen showed his name.

"We're in huge trouble, aren't we?" I asked already knowing why he was calling.

A few weeks later I was informed that due to my involvement in the Zhi Hang affair, the account books of my company would be subjected to a rigorous inspection. And just because problems never come alone during that spring Wooyoung gave me another unexpected blow.

We were chilling at his place watching a movie and cuddling on his couch when his phone rang. Embarrassed Wooyoung blocked the screen hiding the name of the caller but soon it rang again and I could clearly see the writing 'Yeosangie' showing up.

"You should answer" I said trying to sound unbothered.

Wooyoung nodded and with a shy smile excused himself and went to his room to talk. When he came back I could see the intensity of his happiness upon his face.

"Good news?" I shouldn't have asked him but I couldn't resist.

"He just received the admission notice: twenty-four thousand per year, that's great!"

"Twenty-four thousand what?" I didn't understand.

"He won the scholarship. It's more than enough, we didn't expect he could have such a large amount"

Finally I understood: his friend had won the scolarship to study on abroad. Suddenly I felt filled with an unusual hope: if he left I could have had Wooyoung all for myself once again. I could have had another chance.

"When is he leaving?" I asked maybe a little bit too excited.

Wooyoung didn't answer my question but came and sat on the couch next to me, his eyes searched for mine with apprehension.

"What's up?" I asked again confused.

"He asked me to go with him" he said it in a whisper, sounding almost scared.

"Do you want to go?" my smile was long gone.

"Is not that easy, but I guess I'd like to try" his hands found mine as he whispered my name with worry.

"You don't have to feel sad for me, Wooyoung-ah" I said trying to smile, "I know how things are between us, I'm not asking you to stay for me if that's not what you want. Actually, do you still have your passport?"

He looked at me confused, "I do..."

"Give it to me, it has probably expired by now, I'll renew it, it should be ready in a week or so. I can help you with a recommendation letter too if you want, with that it shouldn't be too difficult to find a good job. You know I have connections, I can help you if that's what you really want"

"Keep your money" his face suddenly darkened, "I don't need your connections or your help, we're not going back there" he abruptly stood up.

I stood up too, he was walking out of the room as I said "Ever since we first met, you've always been convinced that my attitude towards you was conditioned by money. It was the reason of our first fight"

He turned and looked at me but didn't say anything, I felt calm as I spoke again: "This belief may have hurt your pride, but it caused me even greater humiliation. All I did for you was for love. I know what you're worth and I would never think to buy your love or your body with some stinky bill. But I'm tired, Wooyoung. I'm tired to justify myself for my every move. I'm tired of trying to show you how much I love you and receive just your scorn back. I'm not sleeping here tonight. If this is what you think of me please don't call me ever again. I'm done!"

I left and this time there was no way I was turning back. I was surprised of how I felt, it didn't hurt that much. It seemed that, by the fury of stabbing, my heart had become insensitive. I thought Wooyoung was feeling the same. He called me couple of times to invite me over but I said no, I was resolute.

However I didn't have the time to bask in the pains of love because within a month I was arrested.

A/N

Hello everyone! Sorry for the long absence, I hope you missed me as much as I missed you. I just realized that only five chapters + the epilogue are left. I can't believe I made it this far.

When I first read "Beijing story" - the book that inspired Seould nights - I've always thought I'd love to write a Woosan ff about it. The book is almost over and I still can't believe that I actually made it and, most of all, that all of you guys actually read my story and supported it!

I'll never be thankful enough to all of you.

I really hope you liked this chapter. If so please vote and leave a comment with your feedback, I'd really appreciate it!

I'll try my best to post next chapter soon, til then...

I love you 3000! ❤️