Home Is Where the Heart Is (Brittana)

Chapter 37

Brittany's POV

We brought in the New Year quietly at home, Everly already asleep. Santana and I both had a lot of hopes and goals for 2023, but we didn't speak much of them, not wanting to jinx anything.

The New Year also came with my return to work and Everly returning to dance classes once a week. Santana jumped back into her job, taking on more clients at the hospital after the holidays.

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Nearly three weeks into the new year, we had an appointment with our doctor to try to get Santana pregnant again. I'd seen just how nervous she was the first time, but this time, she was shaking as we got ready to leave.

"We can wait until next month if you want," I said.

"No, I just want to get this part over with. I know it was supposed to be some big moment, but I really only care about getting to the second trimester this time. I wish I could skip everything else."

"I know, babe," I replied, "but you know it's not your fault if this one doesn't work. We can always try again, or not if you don't want to. No pressure."

"Thank you."

Everly was staying with Jessie for the day. She was always very excited to visit her favorite babysitter/godparent, so we had had no issue getting her there that morning.

When we arrived at the clinic, I didn't let go of Santana's hand while we walked inside, talked to the receptionist, and went to sit in the waiting room. With her eyes closed, she was breathing deeply, trying to calm her anxiety. My heart was racing too, and I didn't think any amount of deep breathing would help.

When Santana's name was called, she opened her eyes and grabbed my hand even tighter than before as made our way to the room.

I watched Santana the entire time the procedure was being done and ran my fingers through her hair (something that often calmed her down) during the wait after.

Knowing we'd have to try not to think about it too much for the next two weeks before we could take a pregnancy test, I'd decided to compile a list of movies Santana and I had watched in high school to watch whenever we started feeling anxious about the potential pregnancy. Of course, we'd also spend time working and with Everly, but it was hard not to think about our worries when we were alone together with nothing to distract us. Maybe we were avoiding the issue, but it was the easiest thing for us to do while we waited.

When we got home from the clinic, I sent Santana to our bedroom and made us a snack. I held her while we watched a movie and ate our snacks, knowing it was hard for her to turn her brain off, even when watching something on TV.

We picked up Everly from Jessie's after lunch and spent the afternoon playing games together.

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The next day was a Saturday, but Santana had gotten a call at 4 o'clock in the morning saying she needed to go in to the hospital since one of her clients was in labor. As much as I wanted Santana to rest more after her appointment, I knew she couldn't constantly take time off, especially when she had to attend a birth.

Everly was up and in the kitchen with Max just before 7 o'clock. I was making breakfast already, since I hadn't been able to go back to sleep after Santana had left.

"Where's Mami?" Everly asked with a yawn.

"She had to go in to work today, Evie," I replied, setting down our breakfasts at the kitchen island.

"Oh... okay. When will she be back?" She took a bite of her fruit.

"We don't know."

"Okay. Can we go sledding today?"

"Sure, why not? We can get ready after breakfast," I replied.

Despite the freezing temperatures, Everly lasted quite a while outside sledding. And as much as I wanted to be present in the moment, it was hard not to think about Santana at work, maybe pregnant, maybe not, but definitely anxious about it.

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Quinn's daughter, Hazel, was turning three on January 29th (the day that also marked four years since I'd found out I was pregnant with Everly), so we made our way to Lima for the party that morning.

Everly, bubbling with excitement, could not stop talking the entire drive there. Santana smiled at Everly's antics as she drove, but her hand was tapping quickly against the steering wheel, not holding mine, so I knew she was stressed.

We weren't completely surprised to see Rachel and Finn and their two kids already at the party when we arrived. Quinn's mother, a few adults and children we didn't know, and Mercedes were there as well. Knowing that Mercedes was touring soon, we were a little surprised, but definitely happy, she made it to Hazel's birthday party.

Everly joined Hazel, Grace, and a few of Hazel's other friends to play, so Santana and I were free to talk to the adults, which was a refreshing change in pace. We heard about Mercedes' new boyfriend and that Sam had just had his first child with his wife. I was surprised that Mercedes knew about Sam's baby before anyone else, but I guess they were still pretty good friends.

We'd decided not to stay the night in Lima, driving home once the party was over, since Everly was having a bit of an issue with sleeping and her routine lately, and we didn't want to disrupt it too often.

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When we got home, and after we put Everly to bed, Santana and I made our way to our bedroom to get ready.

A sniffle came from the bedroom as I was brushing my teeth in the attached bathroom, and I looked to see that Santana was crying.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I know we said we'd try not to worry too much, but hearing that Sam had a baby... I just really want to be able to share that type of news with someone."

"I know; I do too. And it's okay to be anxious about the unknown. I love you." I got into bed beside her.

"I love you too, B." Santana wiped away the tears from under her eyes and leaned into me. "I love you so much."