𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐒.𝐉 & 𝐍.𝐑 ✔️

Embarassing - Scarlett X Daughter

(Again, don't think too much of this)
Not proofread🕺

"So y/n tell me, what's been going on recently?" Your therapist asks you.

"Nothing really. I've just been working and well at home," You respond and he writes your answers down.

"Can you tell me about what you did while you were at home then?" He asks and looks at you.

The flashbacks of what you have been doing behind your moms back slowly starts to flood your brain, the thoughts about what has happened to you starts flooding and coming back.

"Well, I mostly just stayed home, binge-watching things, cooking, sleeping, and catching up on some things," You shrug and look at his hand gliding across the paper.

"And how was that?"

"It was fine, practically a weekend just, longer and with pay you know," You both laugh and the room falls quiet. You start picking at the skin around your fingers which makes him clear his throat.

"I read your file Y/n. What's stressing you right now?" He refers to a couple of issues you had a couple of years back. "Y/n, I need you to talk to me, or else we aren't going to get any more," he pushes.

"Just have a lot of work that I want to get done," you shrug and look out the window.

"Not fond of talking about your feelings?" He asks and gives you a funny look.

Irritated you roll your eyes and sigh, "I am perfectly capable of talking about my feelings,"

It's now his turn to be irritated, and the way he makes a face and raises his brow at your response tells you that he is irritated.

"Prove it to me. From what I have gathered in the last four weeks, is that we've only talked about what you have done, and not what you've felt doing these things, so till the next time I see you;" he bends down the side of his chair and pulls a notebook out of his bag, "I want you to write what you feel, down in this book. We are going to talk about it the next time I see you."

You grab the book and glance it over as he gets up. You do the same and he leads you out the door, "Remember Y/n, this is your book, and nobody else is entitled to look into it unless you want them to,"

•

"Welcome back Y/n, It's been what 2 months since you started talking with me. And without thinking about all the stuff we have talked about already, what's on your mind?" He asks you politely, and for once puts his pen and pad down.

"The other day, I started thinking, I started thinking about something that happened to me, a very long time ago, and how I have never really talked about it with anybody, not even my mom who I see and talk to every day, and I really want to talk to her about it," You explain and wait for him to answer you.

"I think, that as long as this conversation isn't going to harm you in any way, emotionally or physically that you should try it." He clears his throat and look at his watch. "But, why did have it taken so long to talk to her about it? I'm guessing that these aren't things that you've talked to your mom about,"

"I don't know, I guess I've just never been fond of talking about my feelings. Once in 8th grade I talked with a teacher almost every day for a week about my feelings, and I just felt physically ill to the point that I almost threw up, so I think that's where it stems from,"

You make eye contact with him, he shifts in his chair and put his hands together. "Y/n, I think you should talk to your mom about what ever you want to tell her, because if she really does care about you, she should be able to understand and listen,"

You take his advice and in the car home you're thinking about how to start the conversation.

You walk through your front door and is immediately greeted by your mom walking out from the kitchen with a coffee in her hand. "You're home early," you point out and walk past her.

"Yeah, I have some days off, are you okay? How'd it go with Doctor Russel?" She asks and leans against a chair in the living room.

"It went fine, I'm fine. But I need to talk to you about something mom," you say and sit down on the couch with your legs up against your chest, and your head resting on your knees.

She sits down across from you and takes some small sips of coffee while waiting for you to say something. "Well?" She pushes.

"Do you remember after I tried to kill myself?" Your question makes her hold her breath for a second, and the pit in your stomach gets bigger.

"I don't think I'll ever forget it," she responds and the two of you make eye contact, you can see the sadness in her eyes. "Why are you asking?"

"After I tried to kill myself, I don't remember sad, or angry, I just remember when I woke up and felt disgustingly embarrassed by the fact that I woke up. And it's not that I regret waking up, I regret that I actually had convinced myself to do it. After the countless of conversations in my head, and all the time I had spent convincing myself that it was the best choice, I couldn't even commit to it,"

She didn't say anything, not until that night when she had asked you to sleep in her bedroom with her and you complied.

Her hand ran down your back, while tears silently rolled down your cheeks making her shirt wet. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier, I just didn't know what to say, and I still don't. But that night was the scariest night of my life, sitting by your hospital bed holding onto your hand, watching your breathing just to make sure you weren't dead." Her grip on you becomes tighter, and your grip around her does as well.

"When I spoke to the paramedics that found you, they told me that when they saw you on that bathroom floor you were barely conscious and they were horrified that your heart was going to stop in the ambulance. And that broke my heart, because I could've lost you, and I didn't notice it until I almost did, and for that I am sorry. Because you needed me, and I wasn't there,"

Both of you were crying now. You didn't know what to say, she had for once left you absolutely silent, you didn't want to apologize, you had nothing to apologize for, neither did she, "you did what you could with what you had. I didn't talk, I didn't tell you, and I should've, and it's not that you didn't make me feel like I couldn't tell you, I just didn't want to bother you. All I know is that it wasn't your fault, and you're the best mom I could ask for, you're the best person on this planet and I love you, I really do," You started sobbing, you finally told her what you wanted to, you shared your feelings with the only person you wanted to.

You dug your head into her neck and she placed a kiss on top of your head, "you are my world Y/n, you always have been and you always will be, I am going to be right here whenever you need me, and I am going to listen to you, I am going to love you and support you till the day I die, and I just need you to be okay, and I will do anything to make that happen, because I love you, your mom loves you,"

This = coping with mommy issues.

Love y'all!!