𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 𝐒.𝐉 & 𝐍.𝐑 ✔️

- I can't - Natasha X Reader

"So, Y/n, when are you and her having kids?" Tony asks me, I laugh a little and look at him smiling, "I don't know, it's not something we have discussed," I respond and look over at Nat who is clearly uncomfortable. I grab her hand and squeeze it lightly, letting her know I'm going to ask her what's wrong later. 

"Well, Tony now that we're on the topic when are you and Pepper gonna have kids?" Clint chimes in, he looks over at Pepper and they both smile, "well, we've been trying for some time now and we're hoping it's gonna happen soon" He told us making everybody in the room smile, "What about you Rogers? You ever gonna dip your toe in the dating pool?" He sassed, Steve rolled his eyes and take a sip of his beer. 

"Off topic, but I think I am going to retire for the night," Steve made a face and stood up making the rest of us laugh at him, in the middle of my laugh I look over at Nat and she is staring into her hands not saying a word, which makes me worry a bit, she is normally the one who bugs Steve and make fun of all of us, not tonight, tonight has been quiet ever since Tony asked me about the kid's thing. 

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"Chéri, you okay?" I ask her while taking the blanket off our bed, "Yeah, why you asking?" She responds while touching her face in the mirror of our bathroom, "I don't know, you just seemed off tonight," I tell her, she looks at me through the mirror and doesn't say anything. 

"Look, it doesn't matter, just forget it" she shrugs it off, "that's the thing, I can't ignore it, like do you want kids? Because I am totally on board with it, I'm just not going to carry the thing, hell no. You gotta do that," I joke without it actually being a joke, I am terrified of childbirth, my mother died giving birth to my younger brother and she knows that. 

"It's not that," She turns around and looks at me, she looks heartbroken almost, "I can't have kids," She follows up, "Why not? Do you not like kids? Or is it babies you don't like cause they only stay babies for like 3 years," I laugh, I listen for her laugh but it isn't there which makes me look at her, I meet her eyes and she is standing there just looking at me. 

"Y/n, I can't have kids, physically I cannot have kids." She says and tears dwell in her eyes, I look at her for a minute waiting to see if she's going to say more than just that. "Look, you gotta give me more than that," I break the silence, "because if I have to give up my dream of starting a family with you, the love of my life then you have to give me more," I demand, "you want more? You think you deserve more?" She spits at me, I nod and she clenches her fist, "Fine, I'll give you more," She says and takes a deep breath. 

"Where I grew up, they had this thing called a graduation ceremony, and when we graduated they would take us in the middle of the night from our bed and strap us onto this rolling table. And the night it happened to me, I remember not being able to make a sound, I wanted to move, but my body was paralyzed. They rolled me into a room where they had all sorts of instruments, I started crying in silence as I thought they would kill me, I thought I was too old, too used up, but no. That morning I woke up screaming in pain, feeling lost, confused, and disgusting, they had taken the one thing I thought they wouldn't be able to take from me, and that was my ability to become a mother. So no, I will not be carrying our child because I can't." 

She finished speaking and I couldn't say a word, I just looked at her, feeling sorry for her, feeling angry that I couldn't help her, being disgusted that I didn't ask her about it before getting mad at her. 

"And by the way, you're sleeping on the couch tonight," She threw me a pillow and our spare duvet, I nodded knowing I was the bad guy in this situation, and silently withdrew to the couch. 

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I can't sleep, I keep thinking about Nat and how sad she must be right now. So I get up from the couch and walk back to our bedroom, I glance at the clock in the hallway and the time is 2.06 am, which makes it a little weird that the light from our bedroom is still shining underneath the door. 

"Nat?" I whisper as I open the door, she is sitting on the bed in my t-shirt looking out the window, she is holding something, "Hey, you okay?" I ask her, and she sniffles which is a big no to me. I walk over to her and sit next to her, she's holding a black widow suit in her hands and looking down at it. 

"You know they gave me the title black widow," She tells me, "No, I didn't" I respond and put my arm around her, she puts her head on my shoulder, "Yeah, we are all widows, that's what he called us, as he said You all came from a bad background, pieces of trash that  I took in and made great." She quotes him, whoever he is. 

"You are so much more than just a piece of trash, and fuck him, seriously, what a pig," I say and lay my head on hers. As we sit there she moves her head from my shoulder and wraps her arms around me sobbing into my chest, I start to cry with her and rub her back while feeling her heart break.  

"Do you need anything right now?" I ask her through my tears, "Just hold me," She sobs, "Okay, okay I'll hold you, and never let you go," I reassure her and place a soft kiss on the top of her head, "I promise"