My Gay Roommate (L.S)

Forty Five

I take a deep breath, trying to get it under control with the erratic pulse of my heart. "Okay," I mutter.

We're only with Mum for two nights, before we're going to Woking to meet up with Louis' family, then we're all jetting off to France. Well, boating off to France.

Jay invited me onto their annual Summer getaway a few weeks ago, which I couldn't pass up the offer on. Especially when the twins and Louis were giving me puppy eyes and pleading with all their might.

We took the train up to Holmes Chapel because Louis' car has gone in for an MOT. It's also cheaper with our student rail card.

I spot Mum waiting outside the barriers and we tap in, walking through the now open gates that let us through with a bleep.

I give her a hug, breathing in the familiar floral perfume on her skin. She lifts her sunglasses onto the top of her head.

"Bring it in, Louis," she orders, waving him in with open arms.

Louis giggles, giving her a cuddle, thumb smoothing over the skin on Mum's shoulder from where she wears a purple sleeveless blouse.

We mingle amongst ourselves, mostly about our trip to France and how it'll be a little hotter there than it is here whilst we clamber into the car and take the short trip back to the house.

I'm making a tea in the kitchen for us all, chewing at my lip, thoughts whirring.

Tell her the truth, get it over and done with, and if she doesn't accept you, just stay in France and live a life where you lay in the streets of Paris like Remmy the Rat.

Easier said than done when the thoughts also make me believe Mum will disown me and stop loving me. She's always been there for me, and knowing the possibility of her leaving my life for good has my stomach clenching.

The tinkle of the spoon spinning in the cups echo. I tap the spoon on the side of one, watching the drops of tea splash back into the cup before settling the spoon in the used teabag dish.

I take two teas in at a time, handing Gemma's hers from where she sits with her legs outstretched on the carpet in order to play with Squeak and Dusty.

When I get Louis and I's tea, I settle in the gap between him and Mum. He pulls me closer to him, nestling into my side and sighing quietly.

Gemma eyes me. She's been here for a week whilst her work move her to Manchester for her new promotional job. It'll be good for Mum to have Gem so close to home compared to before.

"You alright there, H?" Gem asks into her cup, eyes trained on me from above the mouth of the cup.

I feel my heart hammering and I continue playing with my rings, before swirling the bracelet around my wrist.

"Yeah," I squeak out. I clear my throat a little, trying to compose myself. "Yeah."

She settles her tea onto the coffee table, settling back down on the floor, back against the cat scratcher. Her manicured nails stroke gently into Dusty's fur who purrs gently.

"You seem frightened," she points out. "How's therapy going?"

I nod my head. "Paul says I've made great improvement with accepting the past."

Gemma hums. "Is that what you're afraid of? Being here because it brings back some memories?"

I shake my head, leg jiggling. Louis spreads his hand over my thigh and squeezes. It simmers a part of my nerves and my leg stills.