Unwanted (Payzer)

Chapter 14- Slice

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Chapter 14-

I examine the razor before me closely. A handle of green rubber that leads up to the white tip enclosing a metallic metal sharp point. Mainly for shaving your body, but also for making slices on your arms according to the Internet. It was to relieve pain from bullying and any problems, so I've heard. Should I? The thought of even doing this is terrifying. But if it made me feel better and helped me, I'll do it. I hold my breath and hold the razor to my wrist. Squeezing my eyes closed, I slowly bring the razor down my wrist. I wince and drop the razor. Blood is coming from my wrist. Quickly, I grab toilet paper and start putting it to my wrist to stop the flow. It doesn't make me feel any better. It kinda makes me feel a bit more relaxed though. I don't know why. I pick up the razor again and repeat the motion after the blood stops a little. Thats all i'll do today. I clean off the razor and throw it in a drawer. Then I cleaned the little blood on the floor and clean my wrists before throwing the toilet paper in the toilet. Done. I go out into my room and sit next to my bed looking out the window. I wonder if there's someone else in the world like me. Surely there are other people who's parents have rid of them and have been placed in an abusive home. I can't really remember a time I was ever happy there. Maybe when I was praised by my music teacher. Mrs. Pantela. She was the nicest lady ever. She treated me like I was her own daughter. I wished she was my mother.

'You need to hit the note higher Honey', 'Great job today!', 'You're going to be famous some day Aileen.' were few of the things she would say to me. Gosh, I missed her. She was the one person I could feel strong with. The day I had left, right before I got home, she had told me I could do whatever I want and to not be ashamed of my voice. She told me to not hide my gift. That's why I sung in the backyard while fixing the flowers Mark had ruined in a drunken rampage. That's when Josephine had heard me and ran outside grabbing me by my hair and yanking me in. She threw me to the ground and yelled at me saying I wasn't aloud to sing. That's when Mark came in and asked what was going on. When he found out his eyes were filled with hatred and anger and he put it all out on me. It was terrifying. Suddenly, I find myself crying. The memories are too much. They didn't seem as bad when I was out on the streets. I want my old life back. My independent one where there wad no one but me and my voice. I needed it back. Being a normal kid is changing me. Heck, I just put razors to my wrists. I would've never dreamed of hurting myself before! It's not the right thing being here. I can't stay.

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Was that what you expected???