Time Heals

Chapter 23

Zara

Recently I'd started to listen to music a lot more than normal.
The doctors here allowed me to listen to music as long as it wasn't too loud. That's one thing I look forward to when I get home; playing music as loud as I want.
Today was the day I was being discharged from the treatment centre and going home, as long as I went to a local therapist I'd been referred to for regular meetings and checkups.
It scared me, because if I relapsed I could be back in here for a year. But I was sure I wasn't going to let that happen.
Oh no, I planning on making my life mean something. I want a life my Dad can be proud of.
"Zara?" Dr Taylor knocked on my door and came in. "I see you're all packed."
"Yeah, I'm excited but nervous." I slipped my headphones off my head and confided in her, something I found very easy to do now. "No offence, but I don't really want to come back here."
"Understandable, but I believe you can turn your life around." She smiled encouragingly. "Just remember all the sessions we've had and take it one day at a time. Any feelings we don't want, contact me right away ok?"
"I will." I said and she squeezed my hand with her own. "Is he here?"
Dr Taylor nodded and my eyes lit up. I was going to see Nathan!
"Get your bag and say goodbye to your room!" The doctor walked over to the door and I put my rucksack on my back and pulled the handle of my rollie suitcase up.
"Goodbye room, may we never meet again!" I giggled, my heart flipping in my stomach with anticipation as strode proudly out of the room. The thought of seeing Nate again had put a constant smile on my face.
The reception was down stairs so we took the lift and made the most of our last conversation.
"What are you most looking forward too?" Dr Taylor asked as we waited in the lift.
"Being able to play my music as loud as I want." I answered seriously and she laughed a little.
"I have to admit I will miss you Zara, you are brilliant company." She gave me a quick hug which of course I returned. "I see a bit of my own daughter in you."
"She must be awesome then." I joked, feeling happier than I'd felt in a long time and it was all thanks to this women beside me who'd put up with all of my different moods. "I'm really thankful for all your help; I'd literally be like digging myself a grave if you hadn't helped me like you did."

Dr Taylor rolled her eyes at me and the lift pinged, doors opening as we reached the bottom floor.
"You kids and your lack of proper English." She complained and we both chuckled. "Look who it is!"
My doctor pointed over to a guy sitting on a chair, reading a magazine. I took in his features for a few seconds before dumping my bags just outside the lift and running to him, flinging my arms around him just as he stood up.
"Woah!" He laughed at my obvious excitement to see him.
"I didn't know you could read." I teased him as he picked me up, spinning me around.
"Nice to see you too!" Nathan put me back on the floor then held me by my shoulders at arm's length so he could see me properly. His eyes studied me, a genuine smile across his face. "My god you're looking good young lady."
"You're not too bad yourself." I winked at him noticing his muscles had got even more toned and he'd recently caught the sun which made him look a bit like a surfer dude thanks to his blonde hair.
"Wow I've missed you." Nathan pulled me into his arms again and I didn't protest, happy to be in his arms. "Let's go then."

Nodding my agreement, I turned back to Doctor Taylor and smile. She's holding my bag in her hands, a tear in her eye. It was a happy tear though.

"Good luck you amazing young lady." She handed my bag to Nathan and then hugged me one last time. "If ever you need me I'm just a phone call away."
Our hug broke and I couldn't help but sniff; I'd got very close to this lady these past months. After saying a last goodbye I followed Nathan to the exit, my heart beat racing as I could almost taste freedom. I paused at the door which Nathan was holding open, waiting expectantly for me to waltz out. Nerves kicked in. Although I'd been outside the building, I hadn't actually been in the 'real world' since I'd set foot in this Treatment Centre.

"Zara?" Nathan reached out with his free hand. "You know nothing's changed, everything is safe."
Glancing over my shoulder one last time I pushed down the nerves I felt and allowed my hand to reach forward and slip into his.
"One thing has changed, I'm strong now." I smiled happily, hand in hand with the most important person in my world. While we strode to Nathans car together, I realised I felt proud of myself for holding my head up high, happy with the person I was.

Once all my belongings were safely in the car, Nathan held the passenger door open for me and I got in, a grin plastered on my face which I couldn't wipe off.

I was out! In the real world!

"Z, you can say no but I thought we'd go see Rodger before we went home." Nathan told me after he got into the seat next to me, also smiling.
My eyes found his and I was surprised. The suggestion of visiting Dads grave was so thoughtful of him. Nathan was genuinely a good guy, not only good looking. He could have run away from me at any point, and yet here he was still supporting me.
"I'd love that." I agreed gently and he nodded, turning the engine on and we drove away.

After a few minutes of casual conversation, I found a question nagging in the back of my brain.

"Nate, why didn't you run away from my mess?" I questioned with interest.
For some reason, his cheeks flushed slightly crimson and he coughed awkwardly, keeping his eyes on the road and not replying.
"You didn't have to stay with me after dad died, or stand up to the whole school for my sake let alone speak to me every day when I was inside there." I remind him, remembering some of the conversations we'd had. Towards the beginning I'd been angry and upset, cursing him for agreeing to send me off here, claiming that it was useless and they should let me die. Of course then I was still suicidal so chatting with me wouldn't have been a walk in the park. "Why?"
"This isn't the time or place." He kept his eyes on the road and I shrugged, a bit disappointed. I think he noticed my reaction because a few seconds later he pulled into a lay by and stared at me. I could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he thought through how to answer. "You really are looking good. You've got this unique glow that just...illuminates when you smile."
Blushing, I stared at my hands, feeling my heart race against my chest. This feeling was familiar, I'd felt it with Alex. What scared me with this feeling, however, was it was a lot stronger.
"It's because I wanted to." Nathan took his hands off the wheel and found mine, lacing his fingers in-between my own. "You were hurting so bad and you didn't deserve it. All I wanted to do was kick all that shit that was hurting you away but I couldn't and it killed me. I hated to see you being put through hell because...well..."

He seemed unable to put his feelings into words because his hand that is not clasped in mine reached behind my neck and pulled me towards him and he planted his lips on my own, kissing me softly.

After the initial shock wore off I found myself leaning into him, my eyes closing involuntarily as I returned the kiss.
I don't even have the exact words to describe that first kiss with Nathan Channing. Honestly, I hadn't sorted out my feelings towards this guy until that very moment. The gently touch of his lips sent sparks all over my body and I finally knew I how I felt. I really liked him. Certainly more than simply a best friend.

My lips urgently kissed him back and he pulled me swiftly onto his lap so I straddled him, our connection never wavering once.
I felt his arms tighten around my waist as my fingers played with his sandy blonde hair. After having to put other things over our feelings for months it felt unbelievably good to get everything out in the open.
This felt amazing. There was clearly so much more between Nathan and I than I ever felt with Alex. If a simply kiss could tell me that, god knows how strong my feelings for this guy will get.

Alex and I were immature and ignorant young teenagers but with Nathan...we'd been scared, hurt and battered yet not only have we survived, but we've come out the other end so much stronger.

When, regretfully, we broke off the kiss I giggled slightly and bit my lip.
"Z that turns me on so bad." Nathan groaned and I kissed his cheek and then found my way back onto my seat.
"You're one of a kind Nathan Channing." I crossed my legs on my seat, feeling flushed but happy after what had just happened.
"As are you." He started the car again and took my hand in his spare one, lacing our fingers again. "As are you."