Time Heals

Chapter 11

It was happening. Today was the day. This morning, when I'd reached the hospital, the doctor had pulled me aside immediately and given me the news.

My Dad hadn't woken up this morning and, even though he was breathing, the doctor said it was the simply machines keeping him alive. The idiot doctor told me dad had some idiot Will saying to turn the machines off when this happened.
As I stared down at Dad who was practically a skeleton of the man I've relied on for so long. Life was going to change so much. I'm so used to it being just the two of us against the world. Was he really going to leave me alone in this scary world? My eyes heat up as I remembered all the good times we'd had together.
When I first learnt how to ride a bike, Dad had spent ages helping me balance and pushing me along by the back of the saddle. It took time, but I finally conquered cycling with no stabilizers. Dad had been so proud of me, and I felt happy with myself because I'd made Dad proud.
"Dad, they say you can still hear me." I whispered, my voice heartbroken. "They say it might help to t-talk to you. Do you remember when you taught me how to ride a bike? You were so proud of me. I always loved to make you proud of me. That holiday we took to France? You totally wanted to get off with that hot bikini girl, but you choose me over her and spent the evening watching the stars with me, teaching me about constellations and how some of the stars we were looking at weren't really there. They burnt out long ago, but they are so far away it takes ages for the light to get to our eyes. Do you remember that Dad?" I wasn't expecting a reaction and I squeezed his hand, showing him I understood that he couldn't communicate with me. "You gave me so many happy memories Dad, you're all I ever needed and more. I love you Dad, more than I'll ever love anyone in this whole world. I love you. I love you." I put my head on his chest and tears spilled onto his hospital gown. "I love you..."
"Miss Briggs?" The doctor came in, with a nurse called Franny close behind, tears in her eyes. Franny had been very supportive these past few months, for both my dad and I.

She admitted to me that our whole situation upset her, which was understandable. As a nurse she probably wishes she could help him more than she has. I wish they could save him.
"Its time Zara, we have to turn the machine off now." Franny held her hand out and I took it, needing the support right now. Even though I'd refused to let Nathan or Tom come to the hospital with me, now it was actually happening I was glad for her support. "I'm so sorry."
The doctor walked over to the machines and I couldn't even watch. Lights turned off and the beeping stopped.
"Dad?" I let go of Franny's hand and grasped my Dads fragile arm. "Dad don't go. Don't leave me."
Franny was sobbing quietly behind me and the doctor checked Dads pulse, and then double checked. And triple checked.
"He's gone Zara." The doctor confirmed grimly.
Then I was numb. This couldn't actually be happening.
"NO!" I yelled and pulled at Dads arm. "COME BACK!"
Franny took me in her arms and I thrashed around, screaming and shouting.
"HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?!" I screamed at my Dad, whose body was now hidden by a blanket. "How could you leave me...?"
My anger fell away and I collapsed into Franny's arms, crying my heart out and shaking from head to toe.
This was too much pain. My heart was on fire. It was clenching with pure pain, a pain I didn't even know existed.

~~~

I cried for days.

Either I was curled in a ball, crying my eyes out or I simply sat, staring into space and trying to deny that Dad was actually gone. Nathan had insisted I stayed with him and his Mum and I hadn't put up much of a fight. There was no fight left in me.

I was broken inside.
I felt like I'd never be fixed again.
Like I'd never smile again.

My heart hadn't given me a break, aching with a constant pain.

I had barely spoken to anyone or eaten a thing.
No matter how hard Nathan tried I just couldn't talk to him.
He'd tell me that with time, the pain would ease.
He told me Alex had asked after me as well as lots of my old friends.

Tom had come over but I'd refused to see him, unable to face his pity.

It was weird because for at least a few weeks after Dads' death I disappeared from this world and turned into a shell of a person.
I was in my own world of pain and loss. It was my own way of grieving I suppose. One thing I did like to do was go to Nathan's den, alone or with him it didn't matter. Standing on the edge of that roof just seemed to calm me down for some strange reason. Almost as though in that moment I was closer to Dad.

Then one morning I got out of bed, did my morning routine in the bathroom then dragged my feet downstairs to find Nathan spread out on the sofa, sleeping soundly and breathing softly.
Seeing him lying there so peacefully seemed to get my mind working properly. I suddenly realised I wasn't alone. I had Nathan. I had his Mum. I had Tom.
Feeling a little guilty for how distant I'd been since I lost my Dad, I decided to make him a hot chocolate which he had done for me every day when he got back from school, even though I often left them to go cold.
After I'd made the perfect cup of hot chocolate I sat down on the edge of the sofa next to his legs, making him grunt and wake up gradually.
"Hey Nate." I said softly, handing him the mug.
He sat up and propped a pillow comfortably behind his back, giving me more room to sit on the sofa.
"Hey Z." He took the hot chocolate and sipped it, I was glad he didn't make a big deal out of me talking to him. "Fucking hell, that's good."
"Wash your mouth out." I smiled slightly. It felt alien to smile, but after a while I decided I liked the feeling.
"There's that beautiful smile I've missed." He grinned back, and then I got a whiff of his bad breath.
"Ew, I'm serious go wash your mouth, your breath stinks." I cringe; I have a thing against morning breath.
Nathan shrugged and carried on sipping his hot chocolate.
"How come you make this drink better than me?" He grumped and I ruffled his hair patronisingly.
"I'm just amazing." I gushed sarcastically.
"You're also very modest." He agreed and we cracked up.
The ache in my chest had already lessened slightly just by spending a few minutes with him.
"I want to come to school today." I said seriously, surprising myself with how confident I sounded.
"Okay." Nathan smiled, glancing at his watch. "As long as you don't take hours to get ready."
"I bet I'll be ready before you." I teased.
"Challenge accepted!" He downed his hot chocolate and jumped up, purposely getting in my way before running upstairs into the bathroom.
He watched too much How I Met Your Mother, I thought, climbing the stairs slowly.
See, I'd already done my morning bathroom routine, so all I had to do was get changed. And Nathan actually thought he had a chance in beating me, I smirked to myself with satisfaction.
When I got to his room, which I was using as my own temporary room, I slipped off my PJs and quickly put on a new outfit that was slightly more presentable than my previous clothing, but still comfy.
I used the mirror to dab a bit of makeup on and voilà, I was ready.
"Nathan I'm ready to go!" I called at the bathroom door and I heard cursing from behind it.

Heading downstairs, I had an amused smile plastered on my face while I waited for Nathan, wondering how today would be. It would be the first time I'll have been back to school since Dad did that heart breaking speech. Would the bullying have stopped? Or could it have got worse?