Let's Meet Again, For the First Time (Eren x OC)

62

A/n: meme pic bc I cant take this shit seriously

Mom.

(song rec: To Build a Home- The Cinematic Orchestra)

My daughter was dead. My daughter was dead and I couldn't make things right with her.

I was too late. And god it felt awful. I knew it was my own fault, I knew that I was a terrible mother to her. It just hurts knowing I could never make it right with her.

It's been a month since I lost her. I spent most of my days drinking my sorrows away. Hoping that if I drank enough wine it would drown my pain. But it never did, no amount of poison could kill me no matter how hard I tried.

I was mad at myself mostly. I was angry with my reflection. She couldn't love her daughter. But why? I wish I knew.

I thought a lot about my mother, and what she put me through. And I know that isn't an excuse to be a shitty mom. But it's hard when it's all you know. I love both my daughters, I love them so much.

I just wish I could've loved them better.

I lost my oldest daughter, my first born. And all the tears I cried couldn't amount to the pain I've caused her.

I filled my wineglass to the top again. My eyes were red and dry from crying, I don't think I had any tears left to cry. I sat in the same chair everyday, right in front of the window. I think that if I stared out that window long enough, it would give me answers.

Answers to where it all went wrong.

I dropped my head, letting the tears fall down my face, "I am so sorry", I sobbed to myself in my empty house.

I wiped my eyes and chugged the rest of wine left in my glass. As I reached for the bottle, not aware of my surroundings, my arm brushed against the empty glass and it shattered on the ground.

"Fuck!", I snapped when I felt shards of glass tear the skin on my feet. My vision was blurred from my tears and the drunken haze over them. I cut my fingers as I attempted to remove the glass from my feet.

I grabbed a towel and wiped my hands, along with the ground.

I walked to the sink and dropped the rag. I geld the sides of it and dropped my head. Wallowing in my thoughts once again.

Why could you just love her?

Why could you just simply be a mother?

Was it that hard?

All that I could see was the day I found out she was in the hospital. And the words Eren had yelled into my face. The words with truth. How they stung my heart deeply and shattered any remaining parts of my soul.

I lost a part of me the day she died. There is no greater pain in this world that a mother losing her child. Nothing can compare to this. It was the most brutal torture one can endure.

But the painful part was all my doing. I fucked up, and I was too late. And I will never get a chance to tell her how much I love her.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I cleared my throat and dusted my hands off. I gradually made my way to the door, tripping over just about everything in my way.

When I opened the door, no one was there. I looked ahead of me and a car sped off. It was a car I've seen before. I think it was Eren's.

I knitted my brows at the sight, then looked down. There was an envelope, on the front read; Mom.

"Oh my god", I muttered under my breath. I placed my hand over my mouth, a single tear falling down my face.

I closed my door and slid to the ground. My back rested against the cold wood, the letter in my hands.

I opened it quickly and my heart dropped.

Mom,

I wasn't quite sure how to start this. I've written it about 12 times. I am a perfectionist at heart, I know you know that. Because I got it from you. I love you mom, and I'm sorry I'm gone. I'm sorry we couldn't make it right in time. I think it's both our faults. Want to know why? Because we're a lot more similar than you think. We are both incredibly stubborn, we have our hearts set on our minds.

I don't resent you. And I hope you don't resent me. I hope you keep me in your memory, in the best way possible. Because I know we've had our fights, I know we've both said words we didn't mean and wish we could take back, I know we both wish we had a second chance. But we don't get second chances.

Remember the fun we had. Like that night we spent in that super expensive hotel together. And we stayed up watching sad movies and drinking our tears away together. I remember we laughed that night, we laughed a lot. And I remember that I really wanted ice cream, from that place on 67th street. But it was 11pm and they closed in 30 minuets.

And you grabbed a jacket and told me we're getting that ice cream. But it was impossible, because it was at least a 40 minute drive there. But you said you'd get me that ice cream, if it was the last thing you'd do.

You called a cab and you told him to drive at the speed of light, and he did. And right when we pulled up they flipped that open sign to closed. But you still didn't give up. You ran into that store so fast, you handed the 2 employees left a 20$ bill each.

And when you came back you had my ice cream.

I know you loved me, I know you loved me to the moon and back. Sometimes I just wish you told me that a little more. And I know you're saying it right now, and I'm sorry that it was too late.

I know you have issues, I know because I have them too. I know you didn't have a mother, and I know it was hard figuring it out. It must've been terrifying. Becoming the thing you feared so much growing up. I know you were scared, you didn't know what to do. You didn't know how to love. But you tried your very hardest, and that's what matters.

I love you mom, I want you to remember that, and hold onto it. I don't resent you, I don't hate you. I love you so much. Even if we couldn't get along the greatest, you will still always be my mom.

Don't be afraid to look up every now and then. I told you'd I'd always be a star.

With love,

Spencer

Tears were streaming down my face, the saddest smile on my lips. I held the letter close to my heart, hoping I could bring her closer to me.

"I'm so sorry angel", I whispered, clutching the letter tightly.

This was the closure that my heart needed. Knowing that my daughter died loving me. That was all I needed. And I still have time to be the mother I couldn't be to her.

I grabbed my phone and quickly called Bec's number. I wiped my tears quickly, "Mom?", she questioned, "Bec honey, I love you...so much", my voice cracked.

She waited a moment, the silence was louder than anything in the room.

"I love you too mom", the words warmed my heart. "I just think I need to tell you that more often", I smiled, "I'm okay with that", my smile grew. "I have to get to class, call you later", she hung up the line.

I picked myself up, holding the letter tightly in my right hand. I set it down on the dining table and grabbed the bottle of wine. I emptied it into the skin and dropped it in the trash.

I grabbed the letter and made my way to the living room. I grabbed the small framed photo of Spencer and Bec. I took the picture from the frame and replaced it with her letter.

I stepped back and smiled at the framed letter. "I'm so proud of you Spencer", I whispered, "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner".