IronDad/SpiderSon One-shots

headstone

Third Person POV:
Word Count: 1,613
Content Warning: There is going to be Spider-Man: No Way Home spoilers in this one-shot. If you haven't watched that yet, please do not read this one-shot (unless you are okay with spoilers).
Spooktober 2022 Day Seventeen: Smile

At first, Peter found himself always at May's headstone. Every day, he would find time to come down to it. Sometimes he bought her flowers. Sometimes he didn't. He didn't always have the luxury of flowers. They were extremely expensive. Well, at least they were expensive to him. When you live in New York City and have to pay over $1,000 dollars in rent, on top of your bills, while working a full time and a part time job, it isn't easy. Not to add on the crazy metabolism he had to keep up with, the medical supplies he was constantly having to buy, and the GED he was currently studying for. Those study books were $50 per one! Insane!

Still, on the times he had a couple extra dollars to spare, he would buy her flowers. Her favorites were blueberry flowers. When he could find them, those would be the ones that he would buy. When he couldn't find them, he would just buy some roses or whatever other basic flower they had.

With or without flowers, he would go and sit down by her headstone. Sometimes he would lean his back on the back of it, other times he would sit in front of it. He would talk to her. He would talk about how much he missed her. He would talk to her about his day. He would talk to her about how weird it was without her. He would ask her about Ben. He would ask her about Tony. He would sit there and talk and talk and talk. On the rare occasion he didn't talk, he would cry. For hours, he would either talk or cry. Maybe both.

He went closer to nighttime now. He was trying to avoid Happy, who was a frequent visitor at first. It wasn't that he didn't want to see the man. He desperately did. Now, he was just trying to keep him safe. He was trying to keep himself away from the man because he didn't want to try and wiggle his way back into Happy's life. He had to keep his distance. It was hard at first. Sometimes, he would wait out of sight for an hour just so he could visit May without running into him. Now, it was easy. Happy didn't make as many visits anymore. He only visited on Tuesdays now.

That didn't matter to Peter. He didn't judge Happy. However often the man visited May was fine. It was his choice. Whatever choice he made for his grieving process was fine. He just wanted him to leave so he could visit May in peace before his next shift.

Peter had visited May every day for months. He would do the same thing every day. It was like a ritual to him. It was built into his schedule, no matter how chaotic his schedule was. It didn't matter if going to visit May was out of his way. It didn't matter if he would have to skip a meal or bring a sandwich just so he could visit her. It didn't matter if he had to sneak into the graveyard after it closed to visit her. He would make sure she had some company, though. He did.

Until, one day, he didn't go. At first, that was all it was. Just one day. He felt bad and visited for extra longer the next day. After that, he didn't miss another day for a while, but something came up and he missed another day. Then another. And another. He wasn't meaning to. He felt really bad about it at first, but after a while, he realized that May wouldn't want him to feel bad. She knew that he loved her. She wouldn't want him to feel guilty about going and talking to her headstone (but maybe he wasn't just talking to her headstone; maybe he was talking to her spirit).

Soon, he found himself hardly visiting. It wasn't that he didn't want to. Sometimes he didn't have the time. Other days, he didn't feel like he had to. It was hit and miss. When he did go visit her, it wasn't always as lengthy. He could stay for five minutes or he could stay for an hour. Most of the time he would talk to her. A few times he cried. He would bring her flowers when he could. He would just sit there in silence when he didn't have the words or thoughts.

Today, though. Today was different. As he found himself walking to her graveyard, he didn't feel that heavy feeling he got in his chest. He didn't feel like he was dragging a bag that weighed sixty pounds over his back. He didn't feel like he was about to be overwhelmed with grief. No, today he felt light. Today he felt okay.

When he reached May's headstone, he sat down in front of it. It had been almost a year since she had died, meaning it was officially starting to get cold again. He wore the same jacket he had from last year, but no hat. It wasn't windy, just a little chilly. The ground was cold, but he didn't feel like standing to talk to her. Because today was a talk day, not a cry day.

"Hey, May." He took a deep breath as he looked up at the sky. It was early evening and the sun already looked like it was ready to retreat behind the horizon. The clouds were a soft orange. They complimented the fading blue sky in a way that words couldn't explain. It was pure beauty. He smiled at the sky. "Today was a good day. It started with-"

Peter told her all about his day. He told her about the great start at work. He had the day off at his full time job. He only had a four hour shift for his part time job today. It was wonderful. He had someone tip him one hundred dollars because he was kind to them. He was also able to get a free bagel. His boss told him to go ahead and grab one. He wasn't going to question. A free bagel was practically heaven on earth. He told her about how he patrolled and how it went well. He was able to help the little old lady find her way around the city again. There were a few other things that he had told her as well.

When he was finishing up his day, he found himself smiling. He wasn't smiling the fake smile he forced himself to put on to try and lighten his mood. No, this was a pure, true, happy smile. A smile that showed Peter's happiness. His true happiness. A happiness that he hadn't felt in what felt like forever. A happiness that had been hiding away.

It felt good. It felt good to feel free from the sadness. The sadness felt like it was going to swallow him whole sometimes. The happiness was freeing. The happiness felt pure and wonderful and so much better than sadness.

His smile only grew when the sky started changing shades. From the blue to the lovely orange-ish color. From the orange-ish color to the wonderful pink color. From the wonderful pink color to the mix of pink and purple. From the purple to the dark blue, which would eventually turn back. He smiled at the colors. The sky was changing, just as he was.

Though he was smiling as he told May about his day, he realized that he didn't have to have May to be happy. It was a scary thought at first. It was a thought that he wanted to shove from his brain. A thought that he felt like was betraying. In reality, after thinking about it for a moment, he realized this was a good thing. Yes, May brought him much happiness. As did the other people that he had lost. Still, he had to find a way to move on from them. He had to find a way to be happy for his growth as a person without them. He had to find ways to be happy without them.

Now, he finally had. He had found a way to be happy. He knew that happiness he felt now wasn't going to be permanent for the rest of time. His emotions would change. They always did. That's how emotions worked. But, now he knew that he was capable of happiness without them. He was capable of finding happiness in the terrible situation that he had been given. Despite all of the negativeness and darkness he had witnessed and experienced in his life, happiness still found its way back to him and wrapped him up in a warm hug.

He smiled up at the sky. There were tears of joy in his eyes. "I love you," he said. He was talking to May and Ben. He was talking to Tony. He was talking to his parents. He was talking to anyone who would listen. "Thank you for letting me get here."

With that, he stood up. He kissed May's headstone, a habit he had formed many months ago, before smiling. It was the first time that Peter had left the cemetery smiling. A real smile. A real, happy smile.

He would wear that smile proudly for the rest of his life. Because, now he knew, that no matter how dark things got and no matter how many people he had lost, happiness would always find its way back to Peter. Because, if anyone in this fucked up world deserved happiness, it was Peter Parker.

That's it for this chapter! Remember to drink some water, eat something, take medicine (if you have to), and rest today. You did a good job and I am proud of you :)
Till next time
- Storm