You're the One

-44-

In 3RACHA's studio, Chan was hiding from everyone. He figured that even though he hadn't felt nervous about the meeting with Mr. Park, his adrenaline must have spiked. Now his body was reacting to the decrease, and he felt worn out and tired. He was supporting his head with both his hands and tried to quiet his mind and relax. When he heard the door open, he was tempted to brush aside whomever it might be.

"Channie, you're back. How did the meeting go?" The worried tone in Changbin's voice was impossible for the leader to ignore. It was more crucial to reassure Binnie than for him to rest. He straightened up and gave the rapper a little smile. The shorter didn't bother to close the door completely, in his haste to hear the latest news. He sat down in the chair next to Chan and looked at him expectantly. "It went like I predicted it would. The kkondae might be a raging homophobic, but he is a clever businessman. If he makes us dismember, he's looking at a 6-12 month court feud with the next record label that signs us. It would set us back in time, but he would loose a lot of money and JYP's reputation that they are a label that knows how to take care of their artists, since it's lead by a former idol. I'm positive this will end well, Binnie." Chan managed to give another smile and patted Changbin on the shoulder.

"That's great news. But then why are you looking like if the world is ending?" Chan huffed and rolled his eyes. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." It was Chanbin's turn to put his hand on the other's shoulder. "You don't have to carry everything alone, Channie. Remember the Maniac track that you were stuck on? You shared it with Sungie and me, and we found a solution together. Have you ever considered to try the same approach on any personal issue you might struggle with? I'm right here if you need me, you know?"

Changbin's concern was heart warming, so Chan decided that he would try to talk about what was bothering him. "Uhm... it's not easy to talk about this. It's kinda personal, you know?" "Yeah, Chan. I do know. That's why I called it a personal issue." Changbin was teasing his hyung to make him loosen up, and it worked.

"Ok, ok. Last night I was with Felix." Changbin made a confirmatory sound, to make Chan continue. The leader tried again. "I mean I was with Felix." He emphasized the words so Changbin could put two and two together himself, so Chan didn't have to spell it out for him. Still no reaction from Changbin. Was the man dense? "Yes, and?" Changbin prompted. "I get what you're saying. I'm just waiting for the world is ending part of this story."

Was that all the reaction he got from admitting to sleeping with his bandmate and love of his life? Fuck Minho for always being right.

"Well, he left. Sometime during the night, I don't know when, he just left." The silence stretched between them. "Oh, I see," Changbin said. Chan rubbed his temples before he continued. "I love him, Binnie. And... I guess I'm just a naïve fool, or old fashioned, but I kinda expected us to just be together now that we had crossed that line. Now I'm thinking he might not see it that way, and the thought of this just being some casual thing for him is killing me."

"But Chan, why would it be a casual thing for Lix? Have he given you any other reason for you to believe that? I mean, how was things between you guys when you.... you know..." Talking about this was proving to be difficult for the both of them, but they tried the best they could.

"No, things were good. I mean really, really good. But I don't know anymore, Binnie. Is it some twisted millennial thing where people can fuck around, but it's somehow too intimate to kiss? How the hell am I even supposed to know this stuff?! The last time I tried dating someone, the dinosaurs was still walking around on earth!" As Chan stopped his rant to inhale deeply, Jisung's voice cut through the room. "Do you hear yourself speak, Bang Chan?" The maknae of 3RACHA was standing by the door, with an angry expression.

"Ji! Where's Felix?" Chan demanded at once. "Oh don't worry about it. Felix isn't around to hear your utter bullshit. Are you for real, Chan? Felix practically threw himself on you twice, and you have the nerve to say he didn't to it the right way? Tell me... What have you done to let Felix know how you feel about him? Please let me know, and be specific." Jisung was mad like they hadn't seen him be since pre-debut.

The anger in the maknae's voice made Chan's own temper flare up. Earlier today he had managed to keep a cool head while he spoke to Minho, because he knew he was projecting his anger. Now Jisung's question made him realize exactly what he had done to make Felix know how he truly felt. Nothing.

Chan had been overprotective, jealous, and unreasonable at the Ateez party. He had rejected Felix and told him that what they were doing wasn't right. Even worse, he had ignored him thinking it was for Felix' own good. Sure, last night he had told the younger how sexy he looked, and how good it had felt. But he had completely failed to point out why it felt so good to finally be with Felix. He had missed the perfect opportunity to tell Felix that he loved him.

Chan felt like a coward and an asshole. No wonder Felix had run away. He needed to find Felix. "Jisung, where is Felix now?" Chan demanded again, but Jisung ignored the inquiry. "Chan, do you have any idea how many hookups Felix has had since he came to Korea?" The counter question made Chan get up from his chair an walk over to Jisung. He glared at him. "How and why would I know that?!" he replied, holding on to his temper by a thin thread.

"Then take a wild guess. Add up boys and girls if you'd like. You can even round up to the nearest tenth if it makes it easier for you." By now Jisung's voice was dripping with poison. "Han Jisung, you better not be insinuating that his body count would somehow influence how precious he is to me," Chan growled. Jisung didn't miss that Chan had given him the only acceptable reply, but he kept going. He was determinant to get his point across. "The answer is none. Zero. Null. Lee Felix doesn't do hookups or casual sex."

"That can't be right," Changbin commented, not reading the room at all. "What about that Kingdom reunion party? He left with that guy from The Boyz. What was his name again?" Jisung was going to strangle Binnie after he was done with Chan. "Oh do shut up, Binnie. The guy was heartbroken over his ex, and they stayed up all night talking about how he could win her back. Nothing happened. Trust me!"

Chan felt his head spin. Felix. He had to get to Felix now.

"Jisung, I won't fucking ask you again, where is he?" The maknae could see how pale Chan had become and finally relented. "He's back at he apartment, getting ready to play with Innie and the others."

Changbin spoke up again: "Chan do you really think it's a good idea to seek him out now when..." The door slammed shut behind Chan. "...you're this mad?" he finished defeated. With a sigh he looked over to his co-rapper. "That went well, don't you think?"

"Someone had to tell him. I even gave him the edited version. The rest is up to Felix." Jisung shrugged. "What do you mean the edited version?" Chanbin's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Jisung flung his arms in the air. "I swear to God, the next time STAY try to claim me as a part of PABORACHA – I'm going to object. It is clearly the hyung line. You guys can't even do basic math."

Changbin looked at he angry squirrel while he tried to put two and two together. Finally the penny dropped. "No way. You can't be serious? Really?!" He looked back at the now closed door where Chan had exited. "What have you done, Jisung?"

"God's work, Binnie. I have done God's work."