Everything I Wanted [BWWM]

Sixteen ~ Julia

"It wasn't your fault," Alex began. I, however, wasn't listening. It was slowly becoming clear that if I had been honest from day one, maybe it would have saved Alex some trouble. It also would have saved Aimee from having someone pretend to care about her. I knew how that felt.

I quickly got up from the lounge chair before Alex could continue and went over to Gloria and the children. Today wasn't about me or Kayla. It was about Aimee. So, I figured I would help make this day the best day I could before I went home. Just because guilt was building up in me, doesn't mean I should just bolt and leave the party. That wasn't fair to Aimee and she had already been through so much.

Gloria's eyes narrowed as she looked at me with a confused questioning look. I didn't dare answer her though. I just slightly shook my head before joining in the splashing of the girls. "Daddy," Aimee squealed. My heart pounded as I side eyed Alex who had made his way over to us. The little girl ran over to her dad yelling "get him" to her friends. The girls tackled him into the spraying water from the ground. Alex pretended to be defeated as he fell to the ground and laid on his back. As he groaned pretending to be in pain, Aimee told him, "we got you, daddy."

"What happened between you and Alex?" Gloria asked in a lower tone as Alex entertained the girls.

I should have suspected she would have asked. "Nothing," I whispered back. Her eyes narrowed even more as if to silently tell me she didn't like my answer. I sighed softly before deciding to give her a little bit more information. "I just told him the truth about the day he met Kayla."

Gloria's eyes widen at this because she wasn't a stranger to this story. After that all happened and I figured out the truth, I told her over one of our coffee dates. She had told me to tell him the truth back then, but I refused for the same reason I told him. He had looked so happy and, for once, I thought Kayla would actually have a true relationship that wasn't all about what the guy had to offer her. However, if I had knew then what I know now, I would have spoken up quicker. "What did he say?"

"He told me it wasn't my fault, but-" I trailed off as I bit my tongue. I shouldn't have added the but. I knew she wouldn't let it go and, once I told her that I had ran from the conversation, she would try to encourage me to talk to Alex about how guilty I felt.

"But what."

I shook my head hoping this time she would let the subject go. "Nothing."

Gloria groaned. "It's not nothing," she said confirming my suspension. She was not going to let this go.

"I felt guilty and didn't want him to excuse me for not telling the truth when I had the chance to, so I got up and bolted over here with you and the kids."

Saying her face showed disbelief was an understatement. "Your parents really did a number on you."

Before we could even go down that road, I was saved by the bell. "Hey guys, it's time to go. The girls are getting hungry," Alex called out.

"You hear that? We got to go," I told her while she scold at me. I didn't pay her any mind however. Instead, I just quickly took this chance to, again, walk away.

At the restaurant, I couldn't focus at the task in hand which only made me feel more guilty because this was Aimee's day. Yet, I couldn't help but think about how I had held the truth from them and let the lie drag on for so long. My thoughts were so consumed, that I had drowned out the girls laughing while eating their lunch. I ordered wine to try to clear my thoughts. That only helped a little. It helped enough I was able to escape my thoughts long enough to sing happy birthday to Aimee. However, it still didn't take away the guilt I felt deep down, so it didn't completely make the voice inside me blaming me for all that has happened. It was only Alex's voice of concern that had finally pulled me completely from my thoughts. "Maybe you should slow down," he whispered near me in a voice concern.