Without Him

XXXVI

Everyday I came to the hospital just wondering if she's getting better. Wondering in my mind why she hasn't woken up. Thinking it's been more than a month that's she's been in the coma, why just why hasn't she woken up.

I missed her. Athena's laugh, smile and her amazing personality. I also miss her witty jokes, god life has been boring without my girl.

She makes life worth living. Lately I just been.. I don't have the right words to put it but everything has been off.

I would hate to do this, to go against everything I've ever mentioned, told her and even vowed. Fuck, I miss her terribly but everything doesn't feel right.

I feel as if I could just lose her, fuck my feelings and everything in between.

No, I haven't fallen out of love with her, I never will but this was the cause of my fucking mess like always. What if really she's better off without me and I genuinely mean that.

She would have a better life.

More than what I could provide.

Fuck, I need a nap with all this thinking I have been doing.
____________

The constant noise of machines are beeping, getting fucking annoying.

I blink constantly, the lights blinding my eyes. Fucking bright lights, fucking annoying ass shit.

I groan, my head pounding like hell. Lord is life on my side.

I feel like I've been hit with a semi a bunch of times. My throat is feeling a little dry, a lot dry actually.

I groan sitting up more, I looked around the room and seeing as no one is here.

Fucking great!

I press the nurse button on the remote.

Guess what, I'm up bitches and I can't wait to see my man. Speaking of where the fuck is he and my parents.

By this time the nurse comes in, looking a little shocked I'm up and sitting at this point. Yes, I know I'm waking up out of a coma I've been in for almost 2 months but I feel fine.

"Love to see you up, Ms. McCoy. How you feeling?" She questions.

"I feel fine just a little headache and some pain in my ribs but everything else is good."

My nurse nods, running over everything like the surgery and how my heart stopped beating for some minutes.

I'm glad I'm here.

"Your parents are actually in the gift shop, I'm sure they'll be heading back soon." I nod my head.

"What about a brown head man about 6'3 was he ever here?" I ask.

She nods, "Yes he was here this morning and I saw him leave in a hurry. Haven't seen him since." I nod and thank her.

She tells me I can move around so I get up and wash off or shower whatever you call it, I need to refresh myself.

A moment later my parents walk in with different gifts in their hands along with my brother. They all rush over and hug me. Being the mother she is she starts crying like balling her eyes out.

"Mom," I say to her.

"What I missed my daughter, so stop acting like that!" She said sternly. I laugh knowing how much I missed her and everyone.

"I missed y'all, but where is Kyle?" I question I would've hoped he was here with me.

"He was here this morning saying he needed to do something and he hasn't been back since. He was here throughout everything that man really loves you sis." Jaylan tells me. I smile.