keep me afraid

24. Pretty poison

Regret.

Disgust.

Ashamed.

That's all I was feeling when Antonio was taken away from the cell. I felt tears roll down my cheek. How could I? How could I be so stupid?

I was weak, scared, and hurt and I tried to find any distraction... why did it have to be him?

I felt so dirty, he had touched me. I gave him my consent, but did I really want it?

I spent so much time in my head, a dangerous amount of time. I let Antonio win.

After all he's done to me, the killing, the 'punishments', the isolation, the threats, the fear. I let him win. He got no punishment for his actions, instead rewarded.

I felt sick to my stomach as I stood up. My thoughts were quickly interrupted by heavy footsteps. My eyes darted at the staircase as Luca was walking down, with Emmie.

I had to hold a hiss as they both approached. I hadn't even noticed my tear stained cheeks before Luca spoke.

"Did Antonio hurt you?" Luca asks with fake pity.

"I hurt myself." I looked into his eyes, numb.

He took out  heavy and loud keys as he fiddled with the lock and opened the door to the cell, grabbing my arm and then examining my body for any marks. I didn't mean physical.

He scuffs before looking at me. He then connected the dots when he saw my panties on the floor.

"Oh, so you decided to be a little whore last night?" He said cruelly.

No.

In anger, I tackled him, punching him in anger as tears rolled down my cheek. "I didn't mean it! I didn't want it!" I kept repeating before a guard shoved me off Luca and pulled me into him, restricting me.

Luca shook his head as if my punches felt like nothing but a feather. He looked into my eyes. "Did he take advantage of you?"

I didn't know the answer. No? Yes? I mean I was in a very weak state of mind and didn't mean it, but also I told him I was ready first.

I just let more tears fall. "No... but that doesn't mean I wanted it."

Luca had a confused look before he shrugged it off, as he truly didn't give a shit.

"Can...can I be put in a separate cell... please?" I begged.

He smiled as he began to shake his head. "No. You won't be in a cell. Of course, that depends on how you behave today. There is an important business gathering tonight and I want you as my plus one."

Emmie looked like she was struggling to smile. "What about Emmie? I thought you two were in love?"

He looked at Emmie before turning back to me. "What did I tell you about love, Love? Be smart." He said with a tick on his tongue.

With that, he responds to a guard with an unrecognized hand motion as he exited. Emmie grabbed my wrist before leading me up the stair case.

"Why?" I looked at her. She ignored my question as we continued up the staircase. It was nice to see some vibrant colors again. She said hello and nodded to strangers as we passed by. I didn't know why the walk was so long.

Eventually, she opened up the doors to a beautiful and large room. "Don't be an idiot tonight and Luca said this will be yours."

I ran my finger across the soft bed sheets. Not even at Antonio's were the beds as comfy as this — fuck, Love. Stop thinking about him!

Emmie began to look through an expensive suitcase as she began to spread makeup all over the vanity table.

"Come sit." She motions to the chair beside her. I slowly remove myself from the soft fabric as I inched near Emmie, sitting hesitantly.

"Where's mom?" I let out, afraid to even know the answer.

"Mother is here. She's very supportive of Luca and I." She said with a smile.

Could I even say poor girl?

"Did you hear what he said down there? He can't love. You're only hurting yourself." I let out as she began my makeup.

She scuffs. "Yeah, like you should be getting me relationship advice. Isn't it sad that the only guy who's ever shown interest in you treats you like shit?"

"Why are you so hateful? I mean, we did everything together as children. We told each other everything. You protected me. What changed?" I looked at her, I could see a flash of guilt in her eyes.

"I promise you that these men won't give you what you've been looking for. They won't fill that void. They just want to take advantage of you and use you and throw you away. Just like how Antonio did. Why do you think this is any different? How do you know Luca loves you or even cares about you." I watched as Emmie's face went through many phases.

Emmie looked back down at me. She reached for her pocket as she pulled out a knife.

"Woah!" I said as I jumped back. Oh my, she's gonna fucking kill me.

Instead, the answer was much worse than her killing me. She held the knife over her throat. "E..emmie." I whispered. "Put it down."

She lets out a chuckle. "You know... all I've wanted is to be loved. But you're right, I'll never get that."

I shook my head, "No! You're just looking for the wrong people. You need to find you someone who puts YOU over everything. Someone who makes you their priority. Do you think any of these powerful men will do that?"

She looks at me with tears rolling down her cheek. "You remember Ryan?" I let out a smile. "Ryan never spoke to you or approached you because he was nervous. He would tell me how much he would light up when he saw your smile, when you spoke, he said that you were an angel in human clothing. His whole world collapsed when he saw you kissing Jack. Jack was an asshole who didn't care about you, but Ryan did. Ryan still does. Before all of this shit, we were still in contact and he would always ask about you."

She looked at me as tears poured down her eyes as she let out a playful chuckle at some of my comments.

"You see... it's possible. You just have to give your heart to the right person." I gently placed my hand on her shoulder.

She slowly lowered the knife as she pulled me into her arms and sobbed. I pat her back slowly. I didn't forget what she's done to me, but she's my sister, I love her. I don't think I could ever not love her.

She pulled away as she looked at me. "I think it's time you find that person for yourself too." She lets out a chuckle as tears continued to pour.

I nodded with a laugh, feeling tears myself. "Yeah..." I smiled.

She shook her head as we both sat in silence as she finished my makeup. "You go be the person Luca wants you to be. After that, we can figure this out."

I let out a nod as I looked in awe at my makeup. Okay, maybe Emmie was good at something.

I gave her a final hug as a knock was heard at the door.

"You girls ready?" Luca's husky voice could be heard.

Emmie gave me a nod as she pointed to the door. "It's show-time."

On it.

Hello, my chickies! Wow! We are at #1 in forced... & yes I say we because if you're reading this you're apart of my family and we're in this together. I'm so grateful and I love y'all so much.

Do you trust Emmie?