off the table

seventy eight

"Mommy!" the twins came running into the room, noticing that I was awake.

"Hi pickles," I lightly smiled. I tried to push myself into a sitting position but was still too weak to do so. I motioned them both to come closer. They came closer and I wrapped my arm around them.

"Mommy, you still have that spaghetti thing in your nose?" Marshall asked, pointing at my feeding tube.

"Yeah, Mommy's still too sick to sit. It's dangerous to eat laying down, so the doctor still gives me food through this spaghetti thing," I answered.

"Oh."

"Miss you Mommy," Alistair placed his head on my shoulder.

"Miss you too, baby," I softly kissed his forehead and caressed his back.

"Bellissima," my mom cried, noticing that I was awake. She knelt down next to me and softly kissed my forehead.

"I thought you weren't going to make it out," Tori sniffled, "How are you doing now?"

"I'm not completely okay yet, but hey, at least I'm awake now," I lightly smiled.

"But I'm mostly okay other than the fact that I'm still bedridden and needs painkillers so often," I chuckled and she laughed a little in between her tears.

"Mommy?" Alistair called.

"Yes baby bear?"

"When can you go home?"

"The doctor said that Mommy's still really sick, so I have to stay at the hospital for another two to three weeks," I answered and he looked really sad.

"But don't worry, the doctors and nurses are taking good care of me, and you can come to visit me everyday," I reassured.

"Otay Mommy."

"Come here, pickles," I motioned the twins to come closer. They carefully climbed onto the bed and sat down next to me. I began feeling some pain in my stomach and decided to press on the button of the pump for some relief before the pain becomes unbearable.

"Are you in pain baby?" Dalton asked and I nodded.

"How bad is it?"

"Probably a six out of ten, but don't worry, the medication is starting to work," I reassured and he nodded. Soon enough, the pain began to diminish. Marshall softly kissed my forehead and buried his face onto my neck.

"Wuv you Mommy," he whispered into my ear. "Love you too, little one."

"Hope you'll feel better soon," Alistair lightly smiled.

"Thank you baby."

***

a week later...

"How's our daughter doing?" I asked the doctor.

"Her health has begun improving since we began giving her breast milk through her feeding tube. Her jaundice has improved significantly. We also took her off the ventilator earlier today, and we began giving her high flow oxygen instead," she explained. Ever since I woke up, I had to begin pumping some milk multiple times a day, since it would help speed up our daughter's recovery.

"Actually, you can see her now," she said. I gasped.

"Really?" Dalton lit up.

"Yeah, I'll take you both there," she lightly smiled, "I'll get a wheelchair for you."

She left the room and soon came back with a wheelchair. Dalton helped me get into the wheelchair and I was wheeled to the NICU. I gulped. I didn't know whether or not I was ready to see the state our baby girl was in. Before getting in, we had to wash our hands and change into special garments to reduce the risk of our daughter and other babies developing infections. I was then wheeled inside, and we were taken to a room inside the ward.

"That's your baby," Dr. Hilton said, and my heart broke. She was inside an incubator. She was really small and fragile. Her skin was still really thin. She had tubes and wires attached to her tiny body to keep her alive. I couldn't help but began crying when I saw her. Our poor baby, she didn't deserve any of these.

"It's been two weeks since she was born, and she's gaining a decent amount of weight," the doctor explained, "She's still in a poor condition, but she has significantly improved and will continue improving the next couple of weeks. In fact, she'll most probably be able to start being directly breastfed around two weeks from now, although she most probably will still need her feeding tube for another week or so."

"W-when will she be able to go home?"

"Around her due date, which is 10 weeks away," she answered. That could only mean that we'll have to leave her at the hospital, since the doctor said that I'll be able to leave in a week or two. Our poor baby girl.

"You can't hold her yet, because she's still way too fragile, but you can touch her, wanna do that?" she asked. Dalton and I nodded. She opened one of the little doors on the incubator. I nervously placed my hand inside, afraid of hurting our daughter. I gently placed my hand on her head and caressed it.

"Hi baby, it's Mommy," I said softly. Tears streamed down my face as I was overwhelmed with emotions. Dr. Hilton opened another one of those little doors, allowing Dalton to also touch our daughter.

"She's beautiful," Dalton whispered and I lightly nodded in agreement. He couldn't seem to get his eyes off her.

"Our miracle baby," I whispered as tears streamed down my face.

"Have you got a name for your little one yet?" Dr. Hilton asked.

"Leona, Leona Dorothea Grande-Gomez," Dalton answered, making me smile. He remembered the name I fell in love with.

"That's a beautiful name for a beautiful baby girl," she smiled, making us both smile. "Thank you."

"She's so tiny," Dalton smiled as he looked at our daughter with teary eyes.

"Mommy loves you so much, little one," I whispered and softly caressed her cheek.

"Oh yeah, one thing about her," the doctor said, "Since she's born very early, she most likely would be a little behind when it comes to development, but that's very normal, since she was born very early. Since she was 12 weeks early, she most likely would develop at the pace of someone 12 weeks younger than her, but she's most probably going to catch up by the time she's two. For example, a full-term baby is usually ready for solid food when they're around six months old, but since she's 12 weeks early, she can start having solid food when she's around nine months old."

We got to spend a total of half an hour with our baby before we had to go back to my room, since it was Leona's nap time. I was then wheeled back into my room. Dalton helped me get on the bed and sat down next to me. I was transferred out of the ICU two days ago, and I'm currently being monitored in the step down unit. Around the same day, the media found out that I had a massive hemorrhage, causing me to slip into a coma. They were so worried, but they're grateful that I'm awake now. We also explained that our baby's alive, but we didn't give them much details about her.

"Get some rest baby," Dalton softly kissed my forehead. He tucked me under the sheets and I took his arm, wrapping it around my body.

"My clingy baby," he smiled.

"I'm so grateful that we finally got to see our daughter, although we couldn't hold her yet," I lightly smiled.

"Me too, I'm glad that her health is improving," he smiled. He caressed my hand and soon enough, I drifted off to sleep.