De Novo

Chapter 41

Yongsun

This is the moment at which I wish God would just take me to heaven, where I can rest in peace and heart not broken.

Moonbyul's horrible news knocked me off my feet so hard that I almost stumbled on the ground despite the fact that I was practically sitting. It was truly terrifying. This is the point at which I wish time could simply reverse itself so that I could change what the future holds. I felt so hurt... I felt lost and betrayed, but I couldn't bring myself to blame her for everything.

"She's pregnant..?"

I blurted out, and it didn't even sound like a question. It's more of a confirmation for myself, a validation that Taeyeon is indeed pregnant with moonbyul's baby, pregnant, with the woman I thought I could have for the rest of my life.

But, obviously, that's not as likely as I think it is.

"Yong, I.."

My eyes are watching Moonbyul's struggle but my thoughts are nowhere to be found. I think it was whisked into a blackhole and I don't know how to get it back.

She takes my hand in hers and squeezes it slightly as if she's trying to get my attention, but I'm numb. The only thing I could feel was the stinging pain in my chest, the suffocation in my lungs, and the huge lump forming in the middle of my throat. At this point, I believe I'm alive on the outside but surely dead on the inside.

"I'm so sorry, Yong. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I swear to God."

"I know I screwed up, I really do, but if I want our relationship to continue, you need to know what mess I'm in. Besides, I don't have the guts to hide this from you, I don't want to lie. So please help me decide. I want you to make the decision for me."

My decision to make?

I almost laugh at how ridiculous that sounds. Why would she force me to decide which trail she should take? I mean, I can't even think straight right now, let alone make a decision that will affect not only her and my life but also Taeyeon and the kid. Is it up to me to decide our fates?

"Can I ask.. why do I have to make the decision?"

Moonbyul slowly drops my hand as she slowly looks down, avoiding my gaze, looking for something to entertain her eyes or to hide what's in them. She then sighed so deeply that I thought she was out of air. It took about 5 seconds for her to look back at me and respond.

"Because I can't. I don't know what to do." She started.

"I love you, but I can't leave the responsibility behind. If I could just take the child from Taeyeon and raise it on our own, I would gladly do so, but I know she wouldn't want that, it's her child as well. I can tell she wasn't ready for this kind of phase in her life, but I also know she wouldn't give up on the child either. So there is only one option I have right now, and it's either you... or them."

Unknowingly, I nod, not fully comprehending what she means by that. My mind and heart are still in disarray, causing my body to just move of its own will. Every inch of me is still breaking, especially the small organ inside my chest which I can feel slowly draining of life. This was excruciatingly painful. The thought of Moonbyul slipping away from my grasp, from my future, where I had hoped she would be, is depressing.

"Tell me honestly, byul. Did you consider choosing me first before them?"

I manage to ask for about a minute of silence and her response was faster than any response she had previously declared.