Domination

Chapter 9

Lorelei's heart fluttered when she saw that they were the only ones in the pool area. There was a large swimming pool with chairs and towels lining the outside. A circular hot tub was at the end of one side of the pool. Lorelei kicked her sandals off and pulled her dress over her head. She looked over her shoulder to see Jesse watching her with a smile. She winked and headed toward the hot tub.

She stepped into the warm water. She tied her hair on the top of her head before sinking further into the water. She looked up to see Jesse stepping in. He grabbed her hips and pulled her over so that she was sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her bare shoulder.

The sight of Christina's apartment lingered in her mind. She had never seen piles of junk and garbage like that before. Jesse mentioned it was like that in high school, so did he grow up with that chaos? Christina was drunk, was that normal? Did Jesse live a life where he had to raise himself? He had an older sister, did she take care of him?

"What's on your mind?" Jesse asked.

"Nothing," she said.

How does a person pry into someone's life like that? Even if he was her boyfriend, they were at the beginning of their relationship and it was such personal details.

"Lorelei, you're quiet," he said. "I know that you're thinking about something."

"It's okay," she said. "It's nothing."

"You need to talk to me."

Lorelei turned around on Jesse's lap so that she was straddling him. He placed his hands on her lower back. She looked into his crystal blue eyes. She recalled how they were the first thing she noticed when she met him on their first date.

"How did you live in that apartment as a teenager?" Lorelei asked.

"I didn't know any different," he said. "It was like that ever since I was a kid."

"And your Mom was always like that?"

"Drunk? Yes."

Lorelei bit down on her lip and broke eye contact with Jesse. Lorelei rarely talked about her own mother, but she only ever talked about their bad relationship. Her mother did betray her, but she wasn't a hoarder who drank through her entire childhood. Guilt sat heavy in her chest. Lorelei's mother and she were close until she had an affair with Matthew.

"Hey." Jesse put his hand under Lorelei's chin and lifted her chin so that she was looking him in the eye again. "What's going on?"

"I feel bad for complaining about my Mom," she said. "She's not as bad as Christina."

"This isn't a competition, Lorelei," he said. "We can both have terrible parents. My Mom may be difficult in her own ways, but at least she never slept with someone I was close with."

"What was it like living with all that mess?"

Lorelei put her hands on his chest. His muscles were tense. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"My room was always my safe space," he said. "I tried to keep that space tidy, but Mom always found a way to sneak her stuff into my room. She started by putting it in the closet or under my bed and then she blatantly started piling her crap on my floor."

"That must have been difficult," she said.

"It was," he said. "That's why I am such a neat freak now. I am terrified to become her."

Lorelei raised one hand and cupped the side of Jesse's face. She ran her thumb along his cheek. It was the cheek that the dimple formed whenever he smiled.

"You are not your mother," she said. "You are you."

"That's cute to say but this stuff is psychological and genetic," he said. "I have this sense of doom that hangs over me. I didn't move back to Vancouver after Jody and I broke up because I wanted to avoid this reality."

"What reality?"

"That I may lose everything I have to an addiction." Jesse's eyes were glassy and he took in a sharp breath. "I don't want to lose you to an addiction either."

Lorelei was always annoyed with Jesse monitoring how much she drank, but after meeting his mother it made sense.

"We will be okay," she said. "Me having a couple of drinks does not mean that I will be your mother. Just remember that."

Jesse smiled, but it wavered. Lorelei's chest tightened. She had never seen Jesse like this before. Usually, he was overpowered by confidence. Jesse dragged his fingers up and down her spine. She had his face in her hands so that he could not look away, but he broke eye contact.

"My childhood was shit," he said. "I don't want our kids to grow up in that."

"Kids?"

Jesse looked back into Lorelei's eyes. Her heart fluttered, but she smiled. She never thought about having children with Jesse before. How often was he thinking about it? Did he picture them as a family often? They had never spoken of kids before.

"Yes," he said. "I'm in no rush, but I assumed that we would have a family one day."

Matthew had always made it clear to Lorelei that he never wanted children. She never thought that she would ever be a mother. A picture of a baby with Jesse's blue eyes and dimple filled her mind.

"Is that okay?" Jesse asked.

"It's more than okay," Lorelei said.

Jesse grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands off his face. He pulled her in close and gave her a kiss. His lips were soft against hers. He swiped his tongue along her bottom lip. She wanted to keep kissing Jesse, but she could not stop smiling. She broke the kiss and Jesse tightened the hold on her wrists. He kept her close to him so that their foreheads were pressed together.

"How many kids do you want?" she asked.

"Two or three," he said. "At least one boy."

"How come?"

"I need someone to teach my car knowledge to."

Lorelei giggled.

"You can't teach a girl that?" she asked.

"I always pictured myself working in the garage with a son," he said. "You girls could be inside making us a snack."

"You better be joking." Lorelei continued to laugh. "Besides, we're having a house with a garage? We live in downtown Toronto."

"I thought we would move out of the city."

"You didn't want to include me in any of these plans you're making?"

"They're just dreams."

Lorelei leaned in and closed the small space between them. She kissed him lightly before burying her face in his neck.

"Maybe one day they'll come true," she mumbled.