One Shots Anthology

Acceptance

"Did you two broke up, ma'am?" Nag-iingat na tanong ni Rea. Hay nako, sabi kong 'wag sila magmadali eh.

"We didn't, but we separated."

Bakas sa ekspresyon nila na naguluhan sila sa sinabi ko at ipinupusta kong may magtatanong sa 'kin para malinawan.

"Ha? Ma'am, medyo magulo po," ani Rea sabay tawa.

"Noong nakapasa kami sa board exams, we were so happy dahil maaari na naming i-pursue 'yong propesyon na gusto namin. Pero 'di ba nga, hindi lahat masaya. Months after, a tragedy happened that will change our lives forever." I bitterly smiled as I slowly rubbed my right chest. Sumasakit na naman kahit tanggap ko na.

"W-we found out that I need a heart donor 'cause my heart wasn't doing well, in short, I had a heart failure. Dahil walang nagbabantay sa 'kin dahil my family abandoned me when I was younger and his family died naman n'ong 3rd year kami, siya 'yong nagbantay sa 'kin. I was a burden. Hindi niya kaagad na-pursue 'yong pagiging guro dahil sa mga operations ko. Kami na lang kasi 'yong magkakampi sa buhay. Akala nga namin, 'yon na 'yong pinaka-mabigat na pagdadaanan namin, pero hindi pa pala. May isa pang problemang dumating na muntik ko na ring 'di kayanin."

Kinuyom ko ang palad ko upang pigilan ang emosyon na malapit na ring lumabas. No, I already accepted it. Hindi ako pwedeng maging mahina ngayon.

"O-on his birthday, while he was on the way sa hospital, h-he had a car accident. H-he did not survive, p-pagkagising ko nalaman ko na lang na ganoon pala 'yong nangyari. Pagkagising ko rin, 'yong p-puso niya, nasa akin na. I-it was his last will sa doktor ko, na kung may mangyari mang masama sa kaniya at healthy pa naman ang puso niya, i-ibigay sa 'kin. Kasi alam naming malabong magkaroon ako ng donor dahil kami lang ang magkakampi sa buhay.."

I heard gasps and sobs from the class. Gumagaralgal na ang boses ko dahil pinipigilan ko lang ang pag-iyak. Ayoko na umiyak dahil last year, I told him na natanggap ko na, so I promised to him na hindi na 'ko iiyak kasi I already accepted the fact that he's now resting in paradise.

"M-Ma'am, t-tanggap niyo na po ba? P-paano?" Humihikbing tanong ni Ena.

"It took me years bago ko matanggap. Noong pinayagan na 'ko makalabas ng ospital, I immediately studied Education, passed the licensure examinations for teachers, and here I am, teacher niyo. I pursued his dreams for me kasi malaki ang utang na loob ko kay Oliver. Masaya ako sa path na tinake ko kahit 'di 'to 'yong orihinal na pangarap ko. Kasi kung ano 'yong pangarap niya, ganoon na rin 'yong akin. He sacrificed so much for me and ito lang 'yong paraan para maibalik sa kaniya lahat ng pinaghirapan niya noon."

"The key for acceptance is to not deny or surpress what you feel, but to let it all out and acknowledge it. Hayaan niyong iiyak niyo muna 'yong sakit, pero 'wag naman sobrang tagal to the point na makakalimutan niyo ang sarili niyo. And it wasn't unfair para sa 'kin, dahil he suffered enough already rito sa baba. Being with Him only means he's now at peace and watching me live ad reach my dreams. Matuto kayong tanggapin 'yong mga bagay na nangyayari sa inyo, dahil 'yon lang naman ang choice niyo. May mangyayari bang maganda kung habang buhay kayo magmumukmok at magrereklamo na ang unfair ng mundo at 'di niyo deserve 'yong nangyayari sa inyo? Hindi ba, wala naman? Kung 'di niyo deserve, then accept it and find a way na makaalis sa bagay na alam niyong 'di niyo deserve. Naiintindihan niyo ba 'ko, class?" Pagpapaliwanag ko.

Sabay-sabay silang tumango bago magpatuloy sa pag-iyak. Mas naapektuhan pa sila kaysa sa 'kin eh. Pero it's fine, matagal ko na rin namang tanggap na wala na. Kapag oras na ng isang tao, oras na niya. Walang rason, walang paalam, walang senyales, nangyayari nang biglaan. At wala kang ibang pagpipilian maliban sa tanggapin ito.

"Nakakatawa nga class, he gave his heart to me tapos 'yon pa ang pangalan ko. I used to hate my name; Heart Cindy, but when he passed away? I learned to love it. Mas gusto ko nga kapag tinatawag ako sa first name ko kaysa surname o second name." Dagdag ko pa. Dahil kasi r'on, biglang nagkaroon ng malalim na kahulugan ang pangalan ko dahil sa kaniya.

"Oh, class. Favor, can you greet him a happy birthday? I'll take a video para naman may remembrance tayo."

Mas lalo silang napahagulgol nang sabihin ko 'yon. At naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit.

"M-Ma'am Heart naman eh, b-birthday niya ngayon eh 'yon ang araw na n-nawala siya 'di ba? D-dapat pala hindi muna tayo nagpakwento guys, m-masyado palang masakit," garalgal ang boses na ani ni Nica kaya natawa ako. She's too smart kaya narealize niya kaagad na ngayon din ang death anniversary ni Oliver.

I took out my phone and recorded a video of them saying;

"Happy birthday, Sir Oliver! We hope that you're happy up there. Aalagaan po namin si Ma'am Heart, m-mahal na mahal ka po niya!"

And because of that, I cannot contain my feelings anymore and let it all out. We shared a one big group hug and what made it more memorable is I have somebody to mourn with me on his special yet tragic day.

Why do we have to learn how to acknowledge acceptance? When we embrace our internal experiences, it indicates we are consciously observing what is happening without attempting to repress any negative emotions or thoughts. We don't, however, cling to the enjoyable memories. Without attempting to direct or alter the experiences that arise, we are creating space for them.

You must let go. You have to come to terms with the fact that lovely things might sometimes come to an end, that people go on, and that sometimes two people don't succeed against all the odds. You must recover. You have to heal.

You must let go. You must let go because holding on and keeping anything alive inside of you will lead your past to occupy the mental and emotional space intended for your future. Because you deserve that future, you must move on and have faith in the version of yourself that is laughing in bed on a Sunday morning with the person you love after years, o be happy by yourself. It's standing by for you. Choose it. Accept it.

Healing and acceptance takes time, so keep going. I believe in you.