Because You Are Love (Karlnap)

Chapter 36 - Once upon a time, there was a player

It wasn't how Karl looked that made Sapnap fall in love with him. It wasn't even the way he could stare for hours at Karl's ocean blue eyes glistening in the sun. It wasn't the way his hair flowed through a warm spring breeze with wild brunette waves framing his face. It wasn't even the way the apples of his cheeks rose into a smile whenever Karl looked at him that made Sapnap fall in love.

Sapnap fell in love with him the first time Karl held him. When two arms wrapped around him and suddenly he felt whole for the first time in his life. When he knew the only warmth he would ever need was found in Karl's arms. The way Karl held him and apologized for every little thing that ever caused him pain in the past, even though he didn't know him then.

Sapnap fell in love with Karl in that embrace and he can never go back.

But now, he was feeling something he couldn't even name, a feeling he had never experienced before.

Sometimes, it feels like you're standing in the ocean.

You're standing in the ocean and there's this giant wave coming right at you.

The water is being sucked towards the wave, making it even harder to stand your ground- ground made of sand and broken shells that can hardly support you as is.

The wave is growing. It's the biggest you've ever seen. It's your first tidal wave.

Even while the rest of humanity flees from the wave, packing their lives into impossibly small cars, you stay put.

You stay put while fathers strap children into car seats and mothers grab family photos from homes they know will no longer be there once the wave crashes, washing everything out to sea.

You stay put because you're not afraid. You're not worried. You know you aren't going to be sucked into the wave.

"Sap?"

The wave is growing, getting closer even. But it feels like a glitch, like your visuals are on a continuous loop. Like there is no way it could ever reach you. Even with the water around you being pulled into the ever growing wave, the sea level remains the same.

"Sapnap?"

Maybe the wave isn't even real.

"I know you're awake. Please, talk to me."

Maybe you're just standing in the ocean.

Sapnap rolled over in his bed, looking up slowly to see Karl kneeling beside him. Even with just the minuscule amount of light from the moon shining in through the windows, Sapnap could see the tear stains on Karl's face.

He didn't speak, instead choosing to reach over and run his thumb along Karl's cheek. His thumb glided across the dampened skin as Karl's eyes fluttered shut, the weight of his head leaning into Sapnap's hand. Sapnap felt like he was having deja vu from their time on the porch.

"I wish I knew how I felt. I-I wish I wasn't-"

"Shh." Sapnap interrupted once he felt a fresh hot tear bring warmth back to Karl's cheek. He pulled his hand away, causing Karl's eyes to open in a panic. Sapnap moved over in the bed silently, pulling down the duvet.

"I can't do that to you-"

"You're crying, Karl. Let me hold you while you cry." Sapnap assured him. He could see another wave of tears gliding down Karl's cheeks, each one catching a small amount of light. Even when he cried, Karl was still the most beautiful person Sapnap had ever seen.

Karl lifted himself off the floor, climbing into the bed slowly. Sapnap hushed him, wrapping both arms around Karl to pull him to his chest. Karl had both his arms scrunched in front of him, his hands covering his face while he continued to cry. Sapnap rubbed circles on his back, pulling the blanket over them both.