Because You Are Love (Karlnap)

Chapter 12 - Help them to speak the word they fear

"Nick!" a few voices all spoke at the same time. Some of the younger kids all started to pile on Sapnap, resulting in him letting out a few pretend grunts from the force of their hugs. Sapnap looked over to see Karl using one hand to cover the smile on his face, while giving him a thumbs up with the other.

"We were starting to get worried." Jen said, walking through the crowd to also give Sapnap a hug. Sapnap mumbled an apology and kissed her cheek. He turned to look at Karl again, surprised to see Marisol and his youngest brother had taken his seat on the swing and were talking to Karl.

For the first time since his family realized he had arrived, Sapnap had a genuine smile on his face. Karl had always been so good with kids, it shouldn't have been a surprise that they all seemed to like him.

"Alright, everyone head inside. You all were supposed to be in bed an hour ago." Sapnap's dad announced as he stepped onto the porch. The kids groaned in unison, even his teenage brother. "Come on, Nick and Karl are going to be here all week. You can talk in the morning." He continued, holding the door open.

All the kids shuffled back inside, just leaving Karl, Sapnap, his dad, and step-mom on the porch. His dad walked over, giving Sapnap a hug with a few heavy slaps to his back.

"Good to have you back, son." His dad said with a tight smile and a nod as he quickly pulled away. Jen walked past the group, saying that she was going to head in and make sure all the kids were actually in bed.

It was later than anyone in the house had expected to stay up, already about 11pm. Sapnap's father asked that if they were planning to stay up longer, to stay on the porch to avoid waking any of the kids. Sapnap and Karl complied, saying their goodnights to Sapnap's dad as he headed back inside.

The night air still clung onto the warmth of day, the light breeze only causing a slight chill. Sapnap sat back down on the porch swing next to Karl, not leaving any space between them this time. Without hesitation, Karl grabbed Sapnap's arm, pulling it around himself, resting his back against Sapnap's chest.

Sapnap wasn't sure if his heart was racing from Karl's affection or if his adrenaline was still rushing from earlier.

"You know, I didn't think I'd love it so much out here. I mean, fields that go on forever without any buildings in sight? I thought North Carolina was empty, but this is just a-"

"Do you actually believe in soulmates?" Sapnap interrupted. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't held onto Karl's offhanded comment earlier. A warm breeze blew by, carrying the gentle scent of blooming bluebonnets with it.

"Of course I do- we're soulmates, how could I not?" Karl said with a laugh, tilting his head back to smile at Sapnap before facing forward again. Karl's overgrown hair brushed against Sapnap's chin as he shook his head, still laughing under his breath from the question Sapnap asked.

"We're soulmates?" Sapnap questioned in an airy whisper. The sounds of the crickets nearly drowned out his voice.

"Duh. I don't fly halfway across the country with only a one day notice for just anyone." Karl said with another laugh, lifting himself off of Sapnap. Sapnap let his arm fall from around Karl's shoulders to his waist, preventing him from moving too far away.

"Yeah, I guess, but-"

"No buts. You're my platonic soulmate and you're gonna have to deal with it. My guess is that this isn't even the first time we've been soulmates." Karl finished with a smile, his gaze bouncing between Sapnap's eyes. As if he was reading Sapnap's mind, Karl quickly turned to face the field before them.

"What do you mean when you say you don't think this is the first time we've been soulmates?" Sapnap asked, following Karl's gaze. The meadow in front of them was overgrown with flowers, lightning bugs illuminated the blossoms as they flew between them. He was glad that Karl turned away quickly enough to miss how much his face fell when he specified platonic soulmates.

"Reincarnated soulmates, you know?" Karl questioned, turning back to see Sapnap's clear confusion. Karl leaned back against Sapnap's chest before continuing. "Like, how from the very first time I met you- we clicked. Talking to you never felt like I was meeting someone new. It felt like I was talking to an old friend who I hadn't seen in a while. I like to believe it's because we've been soulmates for a bunch of lifetimes. I can't think of any other way to explain why I always feel the most comfortable when I'm with you. Why I feel the safest when I'm with you. Why I feel, I don't know, the most like myself when I'm with you." Karl's voice was soft and gentle by the end of his explanation, his fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of Sapnap's hoodie.

Sapnap had never been a very religious person, but he was praying to any and all gods out there to give him the strength to not lean forward and connect his lips with Karl's. How could something so deep, so personal, so profound, be said in the name of just friendship?

"Reincarnated.. Platonic.. Soulmates." Sapnap said slowly, testing out the phrase. Karl hummed in agreement, his eyes still fixated on the flowers ahead of them. "In all those lives, do you think we were ever, um, not platonic?" Sapnap questioned just as slowly, squinting his eyes shut in case Karl dared to face him.

"Like, romantic ones?" Karl instantly asked. Sapnap was regretting opening his mouth in the first place. Why, why, did he have to ask that? What good does it do? What's the point of- "I mean, probably, yeah." Karl answered after a moment of silence between them.

Sapnap continued to pray to whatever higher power was out there. He was begging for his heart rate, which he knew was thumping against Karl's back, to slow down. He asked for the strength to not make this lifetime a romantic one- not when he wasn't sure if Karl wanted that too. He pleaded for a sign that maybe Karl did want it- that he was saying all this is so Sapnap could finally have an opening.

"I can picture it." Sapnap said quietly, resting his chin on the top of Karl's head. He began to rock the porch swing slowly, just as Karl pulled both his legs onto the swing. "Us as soulmates, either kind." Sapnap finished, hoping that his voice seemed much calmer than he felt.

To his relief, Karl grabbed onto his hand, wrapping it tighter around his waist. Sapnap could live in this moment forever. How close they were, not to mention the softness of Karl's hair brushing against his face with each breath they took in sync.

"Thank you, by the way. Not just for coming here, but for everything you've done since too. I think- no, I know, my family definitely loves you more than me." Sapnap said with a laugh, loving the way Karl leaned back into him further, attempting to give him a glare of sorts.

"Does that mean I'm officially a part of the family?" Karl said snidely, readjusting his seat. Sapnap turned so he could wrap his other arm around Karl's midsection, interlocking his fingers around Karl's waist.

"You've always been a part of my family." Sapnap answered, letting his chin slide off the top of Karl's head, now resting his cheek on Karl's shoulder. Karl's neck was centimeters away from his lips. In a perfect world, he would lean forward and place a gentle kiss on Karl's neck.

"You don't mean that." Karl scoffed. Sapnap sat up in surprise, expecting a response more along the lines of 'aww'.

"How are you going to be the one to say we're soulmates but when I say you're my family, somehow I'm the crazy one?" Sapnap asked immediately. When Karl didn't respond for a second, Sapnap leaned forward, straining his neck so he could see Karl's profile. Maybe it was the low light playing tricks on Sapnap's eyes, but Karl's cheeks looked like they were glowing as much as his were.

"You're just messing with me." Karl said quietly, almost like he was questioning what he was saying.

"You're my family, seriously." Sapnap said again. Karl let his neck fall back onto Sapnap's shoulder. Sapnap knew he should move his head back to allow for more space between them, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. In fact, he was doing the opposite, finding himself leaning towards Karl in microscopic movements.

Karl closed his eyes, rolling his head to the side so his forehead was pressed against the crook of Sapnap's neck. Sapnap closed his eyes, letting out a short exhale. It was probably for the best that Karl didn't notice what he was doing.

"We should go to bed, I'm sure you're exhausted from driving all day." Karl sighed, crossing one of his legs over Sapnap's lap, turning so he could rest a hand on Sapnap's chest.

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(1,555 words) just kiss already damn it