The Bucket List

5 - Is This A Cut Scene

Song in this chapter inspired by the song: "Particles" (piano version) by Nothing But Thieves.

It's SO good! If you listen to it, please let me know what you think. Such an underrated band!

Disclaimer: the songs I use in this book I don't have the rights to, nor do I imagine it to be the exact song in the book. The music in this book will be simply inspired by songs from irl. I also don't necessarily picture Grayson's voice to sound the same as the artist.

*italics are a flashback*

•••

"Well, I always thought you two would end up together. Just didn't think it would be like this." Rainn's dad tried to joke.

"It's great to know he's doing better, but he really hurt you, sweetheart." Her mom chimed in, concerned.

"Yeah, I know. He hurt all of us." She quietly agreed, drumming her fingers on the tabletop. "It's just... I can travel the states for free, do Alex's bucket list for free, and make good money from this."

"And for your treatment, this is just..." her mom sucked in a breath. "This is quite the blessing."

"So now that school is done..." her dad drawled.

"I'm gone for the summer," Rainn confirmed with a nod.

Her dad smiled. "Keep in touch, okay? I still have love for that kid, but if he hurts you-"

"I know, I know." She laughed and excused herself from the table. "Trust me. You'll be first one I call to beat him up for me." She joked and gave him a peck on the cheek as she wheeled herself by him.

"Good night, Rainn."

"Night, guys." She said. "Love you."

She wheeled herself back to her childhood bedroom, and as he said he would, Grayson sent her the lyrics to her later that night. She expected them to be copy and pasted over text, but it was actually a picture of the piece of paper he wrote it on.

She just barely remembered a long time ago, Grayson told her he preferred to write his lyrics on paper. It felt more... authentic. Genuine. Like he was writing a letter to himself or whoever he was writing to.

So here the picture was, a crumbled up piece of paper in his messy handwriting. She adjusted herself in bed and began reading. Not having music to put to the words didn't make the written lyrics any less heavy.

The first verse was talking about how long he had been away from home for while battling his alcoholism. He tried to help himself, but no avail. Being embarrassed and unable to get sober, he drove people away.

The chorus talked about how others around him knew he was acting strange, knew he was battling something, but he needed to cover it up. He was able to hide when he was drunk fairly well. They could never know. He would do everything in his power to fix himself, by himself, so no one would have to carry his burden.

Verse two was how he learned how to pretend so often, he didn't feel like himself. Because frankly, he wasn't himself. This wasn't him. He'd blame himself some more and in turn, drink more. He was quite literally self destructive.