The Bucket List

- Introduction -

Please go back and read the warning before proceeding with this chapter. Thank you!

Song that inspired this chapter: "Rescue," by Lauren Daigle.

•••

How do you prepare for death?

It's inevitable at some point. We all die eventually.

Dying was never necessarily something Rainn Williams feared. Not for her, herself, anyway... But when she got the news that her brother had brain cancer, she decided it was impossible to prepare for someone's death.

Cancer.

It's terrible thing to go through and fight. She might argue it's almost nearly as horrific to watch- to see her brother who had been in her life every single day since she was born suffer so greatly. His tumor spread and grew, his walk slowed, appetite decreased, body weakened, and personality changed, but there was nothing she could do besides watch it happen.

She stalled as she passed by the bathroom, catching her brother staring at his reflection in the mirror- a shell of the person he used to be. He was a star athlete when he was in high school, captain of the football team. Every girl wanted to be with him, but he paid no attention to them. He was incredibly fit, tan, model worthy, even. Cancer stripped all of that from him.

He was diagnosed at 19 and a half, his sophomore year of college. He was never the same after that day. He was depressed and terribly anxious, just waiting for death. He hid it well but she knew it ate away at him on the inside. Now at just the age of 20, he had to drop out of school, he was frail, weak, pale, and ugly. My gosh, he's never felt more ugly, but he never told his family that.

"Alex?" She called and stepped into the bathroom. When she entered fully, she noticed he had clippers in his hands, making her heart sink.

She heard him sniffle and clear his throat. He kept his face turned away from her, not wanting her to see his puffy bloodshot eyes. "It's coming out in chunks." He told her, plainly.

She nodded, slowly, spotting an awful big chunk of his hair in the sink. It wasn't from the clippers.

People have this stigma that it's harder for women to shave their head, but for Alex... he never said it out loud, but he loved his hair. It was a dark brown, thick, curly, and long enough to put in a bun. He never thought he'd have to lose it.

Not only did it make him feel bad about his appearance, but it made everything more real. He would never have to shave his head if it wasn't for this cruel sickness.

"I can't do it." His deep voice told her with a sigh. Finally, he turned just enough to place the clippers in her hands, a pleading look in his dull green eyes. He lost the sparkle in them what felt like forever ago now.

She swallowed hard and gripped the clippers tighter. She never allowed herself to cry around him. She had to be strong. She had to show him she still had faith he'd get better. "You sure you want me to do it?"

A breathy laugh escaped past his lips. "It's not like you can mess it up."

She couldn't bring herself to laugh with him but she managed a halfhearted grin. She grabbed an empty laundry basket, tipped it upside down, and gently ordered him, "sit."

He did so he'd be more on her level. She also knew it took a lot more out of him nowadays to stand for extended periods of time.

With every piece of hair that dropped to the floor, her heart dropped with it. After a couple minutes, she told him, "I'm going to go over it again to make sure I didn't miss any pieces."