Various males x male reader oneshots

Thomas Hewitt // TCM

TW: description of a panic attack, maybe some angst, mentions of bullying and Thomas self-deprecation but otherwise just a bunch of wholesome fluff.

a/n: hello I am back :)

He's always observing you, studying as every muscle of your body responds to any  subtle and graceful motion you make. His eyes full of softness tinged with a longing for your touch. It's the only thing he allows himself to indulge in, watching.

His scarred fingertips tingle at the thrilling thought of his rough and calloused hands holding your gentle and smooth ones. He spends hours imaging tracing your features without having to panic and stress himself at the thought of hurting you. In the safety of his mind he too can freely lose himself in those innocent demonstrations of love that everyone takes for granted and calls  ordinary while for him they are nothing less than daydream fuel.

He craves that normalcy, that unobtainable sensation of being loved in the most raw way. It sets his heart on fire everytime he pictures himself with you doing sweet nothings and living a life packed of fulfilling domestic bliss.

And even if he craves for so much more he enjoys everything he can get now. Like how you stand up for him in front of his coworkers, how you would wipe off the day worth of blood and grime from his hands and face with such care that it makes his legs weak. How you cradle his big hand in your smaller ones to check if he has any cuts or wounds to tend to. He always stays so put, so still. You sometimes worry if he even breaths when you're near him.

You always have such a loving gaze when looking at him, not once has he seen a trace of disgust or fear, not even at the early stages of your "relationship". You treat him like a normal human being, like he could break at any given moment if you don't handle him with care, and while it's not likely being as big and strong as he is, sometimes he does feel like he could break under the overwhelming feeling of your affection towards him.

You always have to beg him to do something as simple as holding your hand while walking home. The consuming guilt he feels about being loved or letting you take care of him is unbearable, he can sense an invisible pair of eyes judging him for accepting something he does not deserve in the first place. All his life everyone has always told him he's nothing more than an animal, a beast if you will who cannot and will never be able to hold something or someone without simply destroying it.

He fears himself when he's around you, he knows he can deny you only so much before breaking. His knees had already given out under the weight of your soft and tempting demonstrations of love, but he refuses to allow his body anything else while trying to hold back big fat tears threatening to spill over any minute.

"You are so much more than what they say thomas... words hurt so much but at the end of the day they're only words, words are not always true or meant to be taken seriously" your voice is a whisper, so soft and gentle, gracing his ears that had being tortured all day long by screams and yelling. Your fingers collect the tears from his cheeks, tracing every line of features you can reach above the mask with feather touches. Soft fingertips ghosting over his brows to make them releasing that painful frown they hold all day.

"You deserve to be treated nicely...and I know you feel like you don't deserve it but you can let yourself go Tommy.. it's not wrong for you to want something nice for yourself, you have to stop being so mean to yourself sweetheart..." your words are reasoning with a more logical part of his mind, the one that has been pushed to the back of his head from years of abuse. That part of him who knows how unnecessary all the cruelty he's enduring from others and from himself.

Without him noticing from being too focused in his own bubble of bliss, your hands have reached the back of his head. Caressing his surprisingly soft hair you find your way to the strips of his mask and before he can even stop you, you take it off of him.

His immediate reaction is a flood of panic that makes his head dizzy with many racing thoughts yelling at him to hide his face from your sight before scaring you. His lungs are starting to feel constricted by his own ribcage getting to tight for them to pump air correctly while his heart's pounding painfully hard making even his throat clench painfully, mimicking the feel of someone's hand closing around your neck. 

He backs away from you and a really annoying tint of shame falls on him, a voice weirdly similar to Hoyt's telling him how pathetic a big man like him to be acting this way. He can't help it, he didn't want this moment to come. His fear and panicky state was pulling at your heartstrings.

His chest rises and falls really fast while his large shaky hands protect his face from being seeing. Heartbreaking sobs and whimpers can be heard from him and you feel like throwing up cause you didn't want all of this to happen.

Something in you reacts to the situation, your legs are moving without you guiding them. Before you know it, you're already kneeling in front of Thomas. He is too deep in his own distress to notice your hands finding their home around his thick wrists. When your careful and thoughtful touch is not pushed away you keep massaging the insides of his wrist with your thumbs doing soothing circular motions. Slowly but surely he starts to calm down even if you still can feel his frame shaking from the spike of adrenaline now slipping away from his body.

When you're sure he's calm enough you move your hands up until they reach Thomas's and with a gentle pull you remove them from his face. His eyes full of shame are now casting a defeated look to you, waiting for you inevitable bad reaction to his face.

But it never comes, your eyes letting slip nothing for him to even decipher what you're thinking. But he should know by now that you're really just admiring him.

All you see is the face of the only source of happiness in your life, the features of the person your world spins around. Every line, subtle wrinkle, detail of his face is full of things you love and memories you're fond of. Any part of his face has his little anecdotes that can make you smile just by thinking about it. Anything you can now fully see of his face is just the most beautiful thing you have ever seen just for the mere fact that it belongs to the person you love the most.

All of him, every single part and detail is equally pretty in your eyes.

"I wish you could see yourself as I see you... it makes me mad the fact that you hide the face of the person I love like that" your voice and words are sweet but at same time they hold a firm resolution in them. You place a soft kiss on his scarred cheeks and allow your lips to linger there for a second, feeling the lonely tear running down, wetting your lips.

"You're so cruel to yourself Thomas. This is what you were afraid of me seeing? It's your face Thomas, there's not a single part of you I could find ugly" You're almost whispering but he can hear you clearly. Your hands are now bringing up Thomas's. Holding them in front of you and taking in every particular shape, any scar or line in them. With your index you trace the shape of every finger, every knuckle and palm line you find in your finger's path. When you're satisfied with the amount of attention you have given them, you bring them to your face and hold them to your cheeks.

"You're never going to scare me or hurt me. I know what you were trying to do... You're allowed to hold me, it's not wrong honey.." he was in a trance with you. His eyes were slightly wide in shock. His mind was now being too slow in processing your words. He looks at his own hands being held by yours and for once he decides not to listen to the guilt. It just feels right to hold you like this, to finally feel you in a more tangible way. You're small frame is now leaning against his own bigger one.

Without having the time to think his arms, act on their own, wrapping themselves around you to hold you closer. His head finds its place in the crook of your neck, slouching himself a little bit to get down to your height.

Nothing matters to him anymore. Now it's just you and the relief of allowing himself to give in completely, the intoxicating feeling of finally having the opportunity to experience love close up and not from afar.