Bucket Hat

Mistake

It's been 24 hours since this nightmare began. It's been 24 hours since Jungkook has spoken a word to me or even looked at me. He didn't come into his room last night to me, I don't know where he was...or where he is now. He left me alone, all night, crying and sobbing and asking myself why I'm not good enough to fight for. Kayla tried to stay with me but I knew she was leaving with me in the morning so I made her go to Yoongi since who knows when she'll see him again, if ever. I wanted to be alone anyway. I hoped and prayed all night I'd hear the bedroom door open and he would walk in. That he would come to me and tell me he loves me and is only saying this to calm fans but doesn't mean it and we will be ok. That he would wrap me in his strong arms and comfort me. That's all I hoped for, but he never came. He left me, alone.

Kayla helps me pack my bags as our flight back to Ohio was in a couple of hours. She slams my belongings into my bags as she cursing. "Fucking pussys....that's all they are.....only care about fucking money and fame. Well fuck all of them!" She screams. I sigh but keep my head down as I try to pack as fast as possible and keep my tears from coming again. All I want to do is get out of that dorm and away from them all as fast as I can. I managed to stop my tears for a little bit to try to calmly pack, but a few betrayed me. Everything betrays me it seems. "Kayla, please just help me so we can go quickly. I just want to leave." I hoarsely whisper to her while stuffing some shirts in a bag. She nods and goes to the bathroom to grab my stuff. I'm finished faster than I thought I would be so I stand in his room, staring at all the contents. My eyes well up again but I shake it back and wipe the stray tears that fell. I turn and look at my sister and say, "I'm ready. Let's go." I follow Kayla out into the living room where we see all seven members sitting almost exactly as they were yesterday. As soon as they see us both they all rise quickly, except Jungkook. "She's packed. So we're leaving." Kayla snaps at the men. Hobi comes to hug me and I can feel how sad he is for me. "I'm so sorry Ella. This isn't goodbye....just see you later, Hm?" I try smile, but can't, and just nod he does the same. I keep my eyes trained on Jungkook almost the entire time. He still won't look at me. All the members have come to give apologies and hugs goodbye....except Jungkook. He doesn't move. He's in the same position he has been in since yesterday. Head down in the chair. I look at him...waiting. "Jungkook.....she's going now. Are you going to say goodbye?" Namjoon asks his youngest in a calm voice. I stare and pray he'll get up and come to me and tell me he loves me. I feel my knees buckle as I watch him shake his head and never look up at me. Namjoon sighs then watches me. The sadness on his face is clear. Tears fall again at the utter heartbreak I'm feeling. Kayla scoffs and grabs my bags. "You make me sick Jungkook....you aren't the only person this affected you know.....asshole." I raise my hand to stop my sister and when I do I see the bracelet Jungkook had gotten me dangle on my wrist. I stare at it a moment. I slowly turn and walk toward Jungkook, stopping in front of him. He stiffens when he clearly sees my feet stopped in front of him. I unclasp the bracelet from my wrist and drop it to the floor in front of him, between his feet, and I whisper the last words I'm sure I'll ever say to him. "I love you." I don't give myself time to see any reaction from him as I turn and almost run out of the dorm. I don't stop until I've reached the elevator and start to frantically push the down button over and over. Kayla comes up and grabs my hand and holds it. Without looking at me she says, "keep it in a few more minutes El....you can fall apart once he can't see you. He doesn't deserve that." I take deep breaths to try to stay calm until I step into the elevator and the doors close. Once they do I fall apart. I fall to the floor bawling. Kayla has never been a crier but she teared up seeing me this way. She crouches down in front of me and wraps her arms around me. "Let it out Ella....let it all out." And that's what I do.

When the doors open a very sad looking bodyguard is standing to greet us. Kayla helps me to my feet while Youngkae grabs all our bags and places them in the trunk of the car. We both climb into the back and Youngkae starts the car to drive us to the airport. As we come to the front of the gates I see the impact those pictures really had. There was probably hundreds of people outside the gate. I had never wished for tinted windows so bad before because all the awful things I was called as we drove out made me sick to my stomach. Girls threw things at the car screaming Slut, among other things, as we drove through the sea of angry fans. Kayla pulled me into her arms to shield my face from all the people. "Don't listen to them El...fuck all these people." The airport was no better but we had no choice but to walk through the sea of haters. Most yells were in Korean but some were in English and the pulls of my hair and slaps and things being thrown at me was more than enough to understand how they all felt. "Get out of Korea you whore!" "Stay away from my Jungkookie, slut!" Every shout made me sink into myself even more and it was Kayla that was my saving grace. She held me up and pushed through the mob, often cussing and shoving back, all while never letting go of me as I felt like I could collapse at any moment. "Fuck you you dumb cunts! You're all just jealous she got what you will never have! Fuck you!! MOVE BITCHES!!!" She managed to push us both through the crowd to the gate and the crew allowed us to board right away so the crowd would disperse.