Bucket Hat

18~goodbye~

BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! Jungkook and I leap out of bed at the sounds of beating on the door. "Get the fuck up lover boy, it's almost time to leave!" We both hear Namjoon screaming from the other side of the door. Both disoriented I look down to see we're both naked. I look at him with utter humiliation and jump back into bed and pull the covers over my body. Jungkook is obviously more confident with his body because he just laughs and strides to the bed to climb back in. "Why are you hiding yourself? I saw all of you last night." I hide my face with the covers and he slowly pulls them down. "Ella, look at me." I slowly look up from the blanket, just peeking above. I am greeted with his cute bunny smile. "Ella, your body is the most beautiful body I've ever seen. You're perfect." I shake my head and hide again, embarrassed. While still under the covers I say, "No, your body is perfect. Mine is not." He scoots down in the bed and in one quick motion, pulls the blanket and gets under them with me. I squeal but laugh when he grabs me to wrap his beautifully toned arms around me, also laughing. "Stop talking against yourself. I love your body. It feels so good in my arms." There he goes with that sweet talk. He can't see me but I smile and bury my face into his chest, snuggling up as close as I can to him. He hums and holds me back. I ask the question I have been dreading. "When do you have to leave?" I feel him take a deep breathe. "We depart from the hotel at 4." Still wrapped up into his solid chest I ask, "What time is it now?" He hums into my hair. "Hmmm, not sure. I'll have to peek out of the covers to check the time." I release my grip and be pops his head out to check. He sighs....I know it's almost time. "It's 3:40. That's why Namjoon hyung was beating on the door." I pull the covers from my face and look at him and nod. I sit up and start looking for my clothes. Jungkook grabs his joggers and once he pulls them up he goes around and colllects my clothes. He brings them to me with a sad smile. I return the smile and thank him while I start dressing under the blankets.

3:54am- I stand in the hallway with him, waiting to say goodbye. I tried after I got dressed but he asked me to wait. They're waiting on Jimin to finish and come out and they'll be heading to the vans. I obviously can't go down, it'll be too risky the managers told Jungkook. We have to say goodbye here. Jimin walks out, half asleep and bumping into the wall. He mumbles he is ready and everyone starts heading to the elevators. Jungkook turns to me with a sad smile. I try to fake my best happy smile and say, "well, I guess this is it. I had a great 3 days knowing you...and...if you're ever in Ohio, give me a call." He doesn't smile. I can see his eyes starting to water. I can't bare it. I wrap him in a tight hug. "How can I let you go? I don't want to. This isn't fair. Ella......" I feel the lump in my throat form and my eyes welling up. I try to blink them away fast and lean up to give him a kiss. When I pull away he grabs my face and kisses me, knowing this is the last time he ever will. I put my hands on his hands and kiss him back with all I have, trying to give him all I feel for him in the kiss to take with him. I hear the elevators ding but he ignored them. He feels a hand on his shoulder. "Kook, we really gotta go." He nods at his friend, still looking at me and leans his head on mine. "I'll miss you so much Ella." I smile at his cute remark, saying "I'll miss you too Jungkook. Take care of yourself and stay healthy." He looks into my eyes now. I catch a  tear falling down his face and rub it off with my thumb. I can't help the tears that form in my eyes but I smile and tell him, "I'll be watching you. I'll always follow you." He smiles and kisses me again. "Kook....." I hear Namjoon again. Jungkook clears his throat and tells them, "I'm coming." He kisses me again and I push his chest a little to break us some. "Go before they kill you. Have a safe trip." He nods and turns to walk to the elevator. Once inside he looks back at me and waves. I can't stop the tears that are now falling down my face as I wave back, but smile. We don't stop looking at each other until the doors close.

Once it shuts the sound of nothing surrounds me. I slide down the wall to the floor and start to cry quietly. The first good guy to come into my life just had to be an idol and it was over in 3 days. What did you think he'd say, he wanted to keep seeing you? Get over yourself, he's too busy to date. That's why he has littles flings obviously. I fight with myself internally, thinking he would have said he wanted to see me again. But he didn't. We just said good bye. I really don't know why I was thinking, or hoping I guess, it would have ended differently. After a few minutes of silently cursing at myself for thinking so stupidly and crying in an empty hallway like an idiot over a 3 day whatever it was, I stand myself up and walk toward the elevator to head to my room. Once I get to my room I just stand there. I don't want to listen to Kayla talk about her one night stand with Min Yoongi for one second. I deeply sigh and hesitantly slide my key card in, and walk inside. Kayla had just gotten out of the shower and was in bed. "I was wondering if you were coming back or not. You ok?" I fake a smile and nod while holding back my tears. She's not stupid though, Kayla knows me better than anyone and can see my turmoil. She gets up and comes to me and wraps me in a tight hug. " Let it out El, I saw what he meant to you. No matter how short it was." Hearing this, I let go what I was again holding in. I wrap my arms around my sister and cry. For what, I'm not sure. For the love that I never had and didn't exist? There was definitely a connection though, he said there was himself. For a love that could have been? If he had only said we could maybe keep in touch. Or because I know I'll never see him again? I'll never drop almost five grand on a concert ever again. And he's famous. Like super duper famous. I think it's all three things that is making me cry. I feel stupid for being so emotional over 3 days but I can't help it. My sister lays on my bed with me, hugging me and rubbing my arm like I like to try and relax me. "Try and sleep a little before we head back home, ok? You never know what could happen El. You both exchanged numbers. And you still have his bucket hat. That bucket hat that changed your life." I nod, although I know the truth. This was a life changing trip  for sure. Things happened in the few days we were in Chicago that I could have never dreamt up in my wildest dreams. I had met an idol. My idol. Jeon Jungkook. I had met him and I had the privilege of getting to know him. Spent time with him. Building what I thought to be a real connection with him. And, eventually giving myself to him. But deep in my heart I know....I just know....it was a one time thing. And it would never happen again. I'd never see him again. I had a fling with Jeon Jungkook and slept with him. I can never tell a soul, like I would anyway, this is something I would keep locked in my heart. I know this is all it was in all actuality, a fling. A marvelous and beautiful fling and I'll keep the memories with me forever.