I STILL LOVE HIM☑️ #NOWC22 (OUT ON KINDLE/AMAZON)

36

"What's your plan and what do you want with my daughter?"

Those were the first question my mom threw at Dele immediately we sat to make ourselves comfortable. I could feel the uneasiness and nervousness in him. He keeps trying to compose himself but I know him, he isn't good around parent. He was always close with his mother, she was like the air he breath in. But after she left, it felt like a part of Dele's life got dismantled and no matter how hard he tries to fix the pieces together, they could never be whole- I know those feelings because it was how I felt when my dad died. Those pain, hurt and misery.

Dele sat upright, staring at my mom carefully. His glare flicks from her to me, I couldn't help but also feel uncomfortable. It felt like my mother was terrorizing him but I dare not say anything. "I love your daughter ma'am. I'm not playing games with her. She's the woman I'd love to spend the rest of my life with" He picked up my hands from my laps and wrap his large one around them comfortingly. I couldn't heart the leaping and thunding in my heart. Those words came out strong and powerful, they wasn't any hint of lies in them. "And how many woman have you use that line for, let me guess numerous woman? If I had knew it was you my daughter got engaged to,I won't have com-"

"Mom!" I scold, feeling anger seeping through every bones in my body.

"What!" She yelled, making me shut up instantly. Anger was evident in my mom's expression. "Did you really think I was dumb? You think I didn't hear you cry yourself to sleep every night after what he did to you? He broke your heart!" Her angry gaze flicks from me to Dele, she looks more hurt than angry.

"And then-" Her voice broke, "You were about throwing a party to ask him to be your boyfriend while your father was home groaning in pain and you were nowhere around to look after him all because of a man! Have you no Shame?!" She yelled. Dele gaze instantly met mine, he looks flabbergasted. "Is... Is that true?" He asked me, tears welled up in his eyes. I've never seen him this way, ever!.

I stare at my laps, my eyes equally filled with unshed tears. How could my mother do this to me? How could she have brought this up? Why?!. Dele slowly stood up from the chair, he refuses to return my glare as he was looking at everything else except me. "Your father died because of me" His voice was barely a whisper as he stare at space. I shook my head in denial. "That's not true" My voice broke, making my mother stare at me in disappointment.

"....Not true? You'd deny your father's death for this nobody!" I stare at my mother in pure rage.

" Mom please just shut up!" I yelled, all I could feel that moment was rage. My own mother spilling disgusting word at my fiance and openly revealing secret of our family. I couldn't control the anger building in me. "Do you know why I never tell you anything about myself?" Tears were already falling down my cheek as I stare at the woman I love with hatred. "Dad was ill and all you ever did was grumble and wish him dead everyday! You were getting tired of taking care of him that you wish he would die and when he did died, I could see relief wash your face, you looked happy -"

"Don't you dare p-" She tried to cut in but I cut her off with a yell.

"If you're looking for the real culprit, it's you! You killed my father!" I cried out and only cry harder when I saw pain in my mom's expression. That moment, she stares at me in disbelief, She was undoubtedly hurt, sad, heartbroken and in pain. She must be wondering how her own daughter could accused her of something barbaric but that moment, I left myself get consume in rage. I got blinded by anger and forgot I was speaking to my own birth mother.

Before I knew what was happening, she slapped me hard on the face. I cried out from regret rather than hurt from the slap. "I'm sorry mom, I didn-"

"You're no longer a daughter of mine" That was the last word she said to me as she walked out of the restaurant. I could only stare at her receding step, trembling.

I made my mother cried! After everything she had done for me, I made her cry. She has been nothing but a guardian angel to me. I suddenly feel sick and naesous as I ran into the nearest restroom and threw up all the substance in my stomach down into the water closet. I felt a hand caresses my back, Dele bent beside me, caressing my back softly as I threw up everything I had ate. "I'm sorry" He whispers, his hand never letting go.

The consolation only made me cry hard. That moment, it felt like I could see my father telling me how disappointed he was in me. He must hate to even call me his daughter.

"Let it all out" Dele whispers, hugging me tight to his chest as I cry my eyes out.

After few more seconds of crying and almost throwing my gut up, Dele led me into his office spare room as we both sat on the bed. "It feels like age since I've been in here" I look around, managing to let a small small tug my lips. Dele didn't say anything, he just keeps staring at me with soft gaze, his hand wrap around mine. He looks like he has loads of question to ask me but stopping himself from asking them.

"Go ahead and ask" I whisper, letting out a long breath. I always knew a day like this would come, where I'd have to tell Dele how I lost my Dad. I just never thought I'd tell him this way, I never would have thought my mom would flare up and try to pin all the blame on Dele whereas it's was all my fault. "Why didn't you tell me about your dad?" His voice sounds strain, like he was trying hard to let the word out. "If I had known.... If I had have just an hint of the damage I had cause, I-"

"-You wouldn't have told me how you felt? Is that it?" I cut him off, feeling the ache in my heart returning. I was more hurt than annoyed. "You'd just hide how you feel forever and what good would that do?" I hissed angrily, standing up from the bed and just pacing the large room. I turn to look at Dele, my eyes brimming in tears.

"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd get eat up by guilt when it wasn't even your fault. My father was bound to die anyways, he was going through enough pains. He had once even begged me to take his own life. If anyone should be blamed, it's me -"

"That's not tru-"

"Yes it is!" I yelled with quivering lips. "I knew he was sick. I could have thrown the surprise any other day but I didn't. He was already complaining of headache that night. I knew I shouldn't have left him but I did!" I covered my face with my palm, falling on my knees, the tears pour out of my eyes, not at all on bay. I couldn't hide the pain anymore. I couldn't pretend to be fine when the pains keep eating me up.

I felt myself being wrapped in a broad chest, Dele tries using soothing words to calm me down but they only brought back memories. Bad memories that keeps suffocating me in guilt whenever I think of them. I was always closer to my Dad than mom. He's just..... He's the best dad the world would pray to have and a blessing God gave to me. He was my pillar.

"I killed him" I finally manage to choke out the word. The word I tried so hard to hide but hearing myself say it, the truth behind the word rings vibrantly in my ears. I am a killer. I killed my own father. "God,Priscilla" Dele whispers, pulling my trembling body to his, not letting go. "You once told me your father always call you his world. How do you think he'd feel seeing his world crumbling before him? Do you think he'd be happy or in peace to see you blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault? Death is Inevitable. Noone knows when it'd come Knocking. I'm sure your Dad is finally at rest, he's in peace. It's isn't your fault baby, don't beat yourself over it" Dele soothes, letting me dampened his shirt with my tears.

"My mother-" I couldn't even find any sentence to fill that word with. My mom would never forgive me. She must loathe me after everything I said.

"She'd come around baby. Once everything subdues a little, we'd talk to her. I'm sure she'd forgive you. Even until the last moment when she turned her back, her eyes was filled with just one thing ; love. She can never hate you"

I wrap my hand tightly around him, letting myself get lost in his sweet mint smell. I hope he's right, I hope my mom does forgive me. She's all I have, I can't lose her too.

Would she ever forgive me?