I STILL LOVE HIM☑️ #NOWC22 (OUT ON KINDLE/AMAZON)

10

I could tell Maria was so furious. She keeps pacing around the small sitting room, running a hand aggressively through her hair and then huffs. She look like she could barely contain her anger. She had curse now and then, I'm even sure she'd confront Dele and beat the shit out of him and if she can't, she'd pay some thugs to do the beating.

I'd say in my whole life of knowing her, I haven't seen her this furious. It's scares even me. When I told her all that had went down in the couple of weeks between myself and Dele, she almost kicked me out of her house. I feel bad for always running to her whenever I'm  in trouble. Like today, I just ruin her moment with some random guy she invited home. Maria isn't the relationship kinda person, she's more of the hangout and never meet again. I feel envious of her most time but not in a bad way. It's just.... If I can have a heart like Maria's, I definitely wouldn't be beating myself up right now over Dele. I'm sure she'd be kicking his ass and telling him she never wants to see him again but I was the coward that couldn't do such. I just keeps tolerating him every fucking time.

Maria abruptly stop before me, “Let me get something straight. After making out with you at his fucking office he called you a slut and said you're always available?”

“Its was after he told me he saw me that night with Luke” I explained but only for Maria to snap at me. “Stop fucking covering up for him! That still didn't give him the right to talk to you that way! What exactly is wrong with you!” She yelled, her face redden from pure rage. Unlike my caramel skin tone, Maria is more light in complexion and that why her face redden at any little yell. “Please calm down” I whisper, gulping down in nervousness.

She snickers, looking unamused at me“Look at you. You're a very beautiful woman that should be respected. Why let that asshole treats you like you're nothing?”  She asks in frustration, trying hard to hold back her tears. I couldn't help the roll of tears that fell on my cheeks. Why am I doing this to myself? I can't count how many times Dele has made me cry just in few weeks of working with him. And no matter how arrogant or rude he is at me, I couldn't find it in me to hate him. I want to hate him so badly.... I just can't. “I don't know what to do” I choke out, rubbing off my tears aggressively but it's won't stop rushing out. It's feel like I suddenly have so many waters in my eyes. “Am trying so hard to hate. Trust me Maria, I badly want to hate him but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't. I can't because I still l–”

“I don't wanna hear it” She cut me off angrily then continued. “If you say you can't because you still love him oh my god, I'm gonna beat that stupid love out of you” She stare at me murderously which only spite a bit of anger inside of me. “Its not stupid Maria cause I truly love him. Do you think if I can stop this heart from beating for him I wouldn't? I'm  not stupid Maria! And I fucking want to hate him! Every fucking time he throws those insults to my face I want to hate him!” My voice then became a whisper, “But I can't because I still love him even in all his fuck up ways.” I covered my face and cried vibrantly. I've never felt so ashamed, so little all my life as I did right now.

Dele would never feel the same way, he'd never open his heart to love anyone because he's an heartless mean bastard! But why am I so In love with the heartless man? Why am I still so stuck up with my ex? I thought everyone always says I'd rather die than go back to my ex but why does mine says 'if I don't have my ex I'd die?'. Why am I so insane for him?. I cried softly until I felt Maria wrapped me in her arms, caressing my back softly.

She exhale with a sigh, “Did you tell him everything that happened that night? Your Dad?” I let in a shaky breath at the mention of my Dad. How could I forget, in everything, I can't ever forget the night I killed him. Another sobs broke through me, “What is there to say? It'd just forever scare him away if he finds out I have blood on my hands” I sniffles feeling Maria stiffened beside me. She quickly compose herself and raise my head to look back at her. Her eyes were also red, she was no longer fighting back her tears. “You didn't kill him baby, it's not your fault. You couldn't have thought such thing would happen” She reassured, I only gave her a bitter smile.