I STILL LOVE HIM☑️ #NOWC22 (OUT ON KINDLE/AMAZON)

5

“I love you”

He stared back at me, looking completely lost for words. His lips parted slightly only to shut back.

We've dated for 5months, and he still didn't say those three words. Instead, he laughed humourlessly “You're joking right?” His questions cut in deep but he seems to have noticed I was being sincere. “You can't be serious, right? I mean it's just 5months” he rasps but I didn't back down. Instead, I pull him into a deep passionate kiss and stare at him with my hand wrap around his torso.

“Its shouldn't take so long to say the word baby. You love me too right?” I tickle him lightly, chuckling softly only that he didn't return the smile. That was when my worst nightmare begin. “I don't know” he pull away from my hold, leaving few Inches that felt like miles between us. “What we had was fun but do you need to destroy everything by saying those word?” he spit accusingly at me as if telling him I love him was like spitting fires at him.

“Those words?” I ask confusingly, I knew what was coming next but I prayed he doesn't say the word but who was I kidding? “Do I have to spell it out for you? I don't love you” he look away from me, unable to look at me in the eyes. I instantly held his hands, shaking my head in denial. “Y-you don't mean that” I refused to believe him, tears dampened my eyes. We've been together for months, he's my first time. The sex, fun, partying, cuddling was all fun? He doesn't love me? B-but I thought.....

“Say it to my face then. If you don't love me,stop cowering away! Look me in the eyes and say you don't” I challenged, deep inside my heart, I hope he'd say I was right. That he loves me back. But instead, those sexy gorgeous eyes of his, turns cold as they met mine. “I-I'm sorry.” Those were his last words to me before he turned his back and walk away. Everything doesn't make sense! He definitely didn't mean that. I cried and ran after him, begging profusely for him to take those words back but he just left. Not sparing me a last glare.

If only I had knew I would lose two of my favourite people in that night, I wouldn't have  done anything at all. Most time, it's feel like I'm the one always making an effort, like I was the only one in love and he gives less fuck about me. Even after the humiliation of being labeled as  'obsessed girl' in college, I still didn't stop loving him. I couldn't! Pathetic right?. And now, 'a slut'  as being added to all the insultive name that has been thrown at me.

How long would I last in this unrequited love? I don't wanna be that pathetic lame obsessed girl anymore, I just wanna be me. I'm trying so hard to push the thought of him away. I really am trying badly. I'm just so tired of fighting.

I stare back at my reflection in the mirror and girl, I look like shit!. My face is a mess with eyeliner dampened face and half baked face in contour. I look exactly like the witch of Oz. I wash off my makeup, pulling my knot less braid hair in an higher ponytail. Dele had banged the door countless time but after getting no response from me, I guess he finally gave up. My face still look spotless and beautiful even without the makeup.

I am a beautiful woman with nice body shape and great height. You might wonder why I'm still not over that asshole. I just.... Men don't always lined up for you. You can't control your heart and tell it whom and what to love. Trust me, if I could, I'd be going for a much better option. The best I could do now, Is teach my heart how to forget about him. He already made it clear, he doesn't love me. Our relationship was based on fun, we were only catching cruise, I mean he was catching cruise with my feelings while I was busy falling head over heels for him. I was the stupid naive girl that thought my life was revolve around the novel I read of girls changing the bad boy and he end up having eyes for just her. So frictional.

Sometimes, I wish life was all fairy tales and there's truly light at the end of every tunnel. I wonder if my life could have been perfect.

My once swollen eyes finally looks brighten up a bit. One could still tell I've been crying but, I look much better–I guess. Looking at my reflection one last time, I open the door and thankfully, he wasn't in the room anymore. I know I'd still have to face him, I couldn't avoid him for long–He's my boss. But, I can only try and hide my feelings. I finally got the files he asked for and went into his main office. He sat on his chair, his elbow resting on his desk and his head in-between his palm. As soon as he notice my presence, he stood from his chair and move closer to me, but still left space between us.

His eyes scanned my face, but I was looking at everything else but him. Dele pained expression stared back at me, he opens his mouth but only to close it abruptly. “Your file sir” I stretched out the file to him, he stared at it for a moment before taking it from me causing our hands to brush slightly. I ignore the effect it's had on me before asking. “Anything else you'd need me for, sir?”

He stare at me, as if contemplating his words but finally saying it. “I'm sorry” My heart clenched, chest rising and falling. Those words weren't enough but I nodded to give him his satisfaction. I turned to leave his office before he spoke again. “I truly mean it, Priscy. And I promise to treat you better like you deserve” he looks sincere, I badly wanted to believe him but I couldn't.

All my years of dating Dele, I had learnt he's a weak promise keeper. He never meant anything he says, What is the assurance that he mean this?

I guess his actions now henceforth would tell. As much as I want to hate him, I still need a proper work relationship with my boss.

I could only hope things get less toxic between us.