Zindagi Bhar Ki Maut

Ansuni Daastan

“Thik hai Bondita tumne jab kasam de hi di hai to aaj sab kuch batata hoon par mujhe galat mat samjhna Bondita please, mai khud sahi aur galat ke bich ka farq bhul gya tha tab, mujhe koi raah dikhanewala nhi tha, koi mujhe samajhne wala nhi tha, aise me mai raah apni bhatakta gya aur mujhe sahara chahiye tha kisi ka aur mujhe Manorama mili aur usne aur zindagi ne mujhe jo raah dikhayi mai usi pe chalta gya.

Manorama se meri pehli mulakaat us aaine ki dukaan pe huyi jahan mai apni kamayi se tumhare liye aaina laane gya. Wo mujhse takrayi aur aaina toot gya aur unhi tukdon me mujhe uska aksh dikha pehli baar aur na jane mujhe kya hua. Mujhe kuch ajeeb sa, kuch alag sa mahsoos hua.

Fir kuch log use dhundte huye aaye aur baaton baaton me pata chala wo koi aam ladki nhi krantikari hai, auron se alag hai. Baad me maine jab usne poocha uske krantikari hone ke bare me tab usne mera haath apni gardan par rakha aur kaha mujhse mehsoos karne ko uske andar ki kranti ki aag ko, deshbhakti ki aag ko. Mai kashamkash me tha Bondita, meri nazrein to jhuki par mai haath nhi hata paya usse. Kahi na kahi pata tha mujhe ki galat hai Bondita par mera sarir sayad meri baat nhi sun raha tha.

Aur tum sahi thi Bondita jab mai tumhe Kabir Das Ji ke dohe ka matlab samjha raha tha, tumhe wo bata raha tha ki kabhi kabhi… .. Ki kabhi kabhi pehli nazar me kisi se jeevan bhar ka… .. … .. … (he paused) prem ho jata hai to us waqt mere dimaag me Mano ka chehra aaya jab pehli baar maine uske chehre se naqaab hataya aur mere chehre pe wo muskan wo laali usi se … .. .. aayi thi.

Meri dusri mulakaat huyi Manorama se, court me. Usne apne dastane utaar ke mere sar ki patti ki thi jab mujhe sar pe chot aayi thi. Mujhe bahut acha laga tha Bondita jab usne kiya, mere man me uske liye thodi shraddha aur aadar ka bhaw aa gya tha pehle hi jab uske krantikari hone ka pata chala aur itna hi nhi uske saahas aur zazbe ko dekh thoda uske vyaktitva ke prati aakarshan hua tha par uski daya aur kisi ke prati sevabhav dekh ke thoda aur lagaw ho gya usse.

Par…… par....... par Bondita mujhe maaf kar do, mai thoda sa behek gya tha us din lekin sach kehta hoon Bondita maine nhi socha tha us din mai kya kar raha hoon ya kya soch raha hoon, mera ye sochna ya karna sahi hai ya galat, maine bas jeevan ke pravah ke sath apne aapko baha diya tha par sach Bondita mera koi waisa iraada nhi tha bas wo ho gya tha aur na hi mujhe andaza tha ki kaha le ja rahi hai ye chizein mujhe.”

Bondita's heart was sinking, she could understand it was definitely something big with a wider meaning that’s why he was explaining this much. Although she sensed already  some untold things but still confession from himself will be something she’s not yet ready to face. She clutched her saree tight to provide herself some strength.

“Kehna kya chahta hai aap Anirudh Babu, saaf saaf bataiye.” Sumati cut him off, she was getting restless hearing all these, she was the most eager person there.

She was beyond shocked to listen all this from his human God Jamaibabu's mouth. Moreover, the way he was explaining himself instead of shouting and putting all the blame over Bondita, gave her hints about the layers behind the purpose of his second marriage but still she was convincing herself that he isn’t hinting something  sort of what she was thinking right now. No, no it’s definitely not how can his human God jamaibabu can do this, never, he can never do such thing, right?!

But really? Hasn’t he already left her once when she did something out of her innocent, naïve nature against his will and he thrown her out of his house without thinking even once when he find her  manipulated by Brijwasi and he figured out Bondita was not that much strong, intelligent girl as he thought his letter girl would be, she’s just an ordinary girl and is of no use for his fitoor. It ended Bondita in miserable state which he felt guilty about and regretted when being knocked out by Rasiya Bai's harsh words in front of society. Is it really impossible for anyone to throw unnecessary and unwanted things when it seems of no use in near future? Probably No? Probably Yes?

“That day when you made a mosquito net with your saree, it gave me some privacy, you gave me personal space with it. And lying there someone invaded my privacy not at that place but in my mind, it was Manorama in my mind then, I was only having flashbacks of Manorama tying the bandage on my head with care, concern, her suppoorting me by clutching my shoulder and I was feeling something different, something strange and unknowingly I felt something different, something strange. I… . I… .. ..Bondita… .. . I was…….I brought out the gloves out of my pocket which she tied and……I ……..I……was sniffing those gloves she tied and… .. … .. . and … … Bondita … .. … I was smiling all time” he paused and an eerie silence spread over.

None of the people could ever think that the Great ARC could get something like that. But here he confessed he did something sort of this.

Bondita clutched her saree more tightly, she felt like she would fall with a thud but she somehow controlled herself as she knew it has just started, many more things is yet to be revealed.

But the revealation of her husband lying inside tent like structure made of her saree but her saree couldn’t made him remind of her innocent self tied in a sacred relationship with him, stucked in the marriage like him, instead the gloves of the woman yes the young grown up beautiful courageous woman, reminded him of her and flashbacks of her tying bandage, supporting him holding his shoulders but he couldn't remember her supporting him and standing beside him through every thick and thin.

It’s hurting her to hear all these from him. Although she had idea that it was neither her Ujjawal Bhavishya nor for the respect of Krantikari. No one sniffs glove of a woman out of respect for a krantikari woman or out of attraction towards one’s courage and/or quality. It’s only because of beauty of the woman, he was reminding the touch of the woman. So precisely it was…..  Her innerself embraced her and consoled her not to be so weak and vulnerable at the moment though it’s really tough to get hold of emotions right now but there’s much more to know, much more to face.