Enough/Jilix

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this chapter is focused on chan but i still think it's still pretty important to the main story line

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To say that Chan wasn't doing well without Felix would definitely be an understatement.

Felix had always been the person he would go to in order to distract himself from several other things going on in his life. Felix had always been there for him, even when Chan didn't deserve to have him there for him, and to be completely honest, he never deserved it.

He missed him so much but he still didn't want to admit it to himself. He didn't want to accept what Felix had said nor be around him if he did think that what he said was true.

But no matter how much Chan wanted to try and convince himself that knowing Felix's sexuality made him disgusting, he could never actually see Felix as disgusting.

After Changbin had punched him he skipped three days of school before forcing himself to go back despite not wanting to at all. He was aware of how messed up it was but his only motivation was to see if Felix seemed as sad as he is.

Felix did seem off but not necessarily sad. He just seemed tired and jumpy? Every time Changbin would make any sort of sudden movement or tap Felix's shoulder to get his attention, Felix would flinch.

He thought it was weird but he assumed it was just because he was overly tired or something.

But assuming wasn't good enough. He wanted to know the real reason. Yet part of him felt like it was too late. After actually having time to think about it...he didn't deserve Felix. He never deserved him because he had always made him feel horrible about himself.

Besides, as much as he had been trying to convince himself otherwise, kissing Felix didn't make him feel disgusted with himself. If anything it felt better than kissing any girl that he went out with because he does love Felix...not as anything more than a friend of course but that was the first time in forever that he felt emotion from a kiss rather than just doing it as a distraction.

At this point, he didn't care about Felix liking Jisung. He just wanted to find some way to make it up to him though he had screwed up so badly that he wasn't sure if that would even be possible.

He was walking behind the school one day after school because he was stressed and didn't want to go home yet and definitely couldn't go to Felix's house like he usually would after school when he didn't want to go home.

He heard someone sniffling and cautiously looked around the corner to see Jisung's friend leaning against the wall with his arms wrapped around his legs as he cried onto his knees.

I guess this is a step in redeeming myself, he thought to himself as he slowly approached the boy who looked so small in his current position.

I wonder how much my mom would hate me if she found out about this, he wondered but he was starting to care less and less about her opinion. Felix had been there for him and comforted him way more than his own mother ever had. She made him think that he had to push Felix away just for having feelings for someone.

"Hey," Chan said softly as the younger flinched at the sound of his voice.

"Please leave me alone," Jeongin mumbled, looking up a bit as Chan noticed his bleeding lip and small bruise forming on the side of his face.

"Who did this?"

"Why do you care?" Jeongin shot back and Chan sighed, slowly getting closer and offering his hand to the younger to get him to stand up.

"I haven't been thinking correctly. I want to make it up to you...Jisung and Felix too but I'm scared to talk to Felix at all because I don't even deserve him." Chan explained, not understanding why he was suddenly saying all of this to the black-haired boy in front of him but he had to say it to someone. And his only friends had been around Felix.

Jeongin cautiously grabbed Chan's hand and stood up. Chan silently lead him to a bathroom so he could help him clean up the cut on his lip like Felix used to do with him whenever he hurt his hand.

They got there, Chan let go of the younger's hand as Jeongin just stared at him blankly.

"Umm..." Chan seemed to think for a moment before placing his hands on the sides of Jeongin's waist and placing him on the counter where the sink like Felix would make him do. He didn't think too much about the skinship because Felix was always like that with him.

Jeongin by now was a blushing mess. He was pretty convinced that this was a dream because there was no way his crush who used to beat him up nearly every day after school was now trying to treat his wounds from someone else.

"Can you tell me who did this now?" Chan questioned as he got a wet paper towel to clean up his lip with.

"I don't know what his name is," Jeongin explained truthfully and flinched a bit when Chan began to carefully clean his lip.

"Can you tell me if something happened again?" Chan asked, moving a bit closer so that he could see better.

"Umm y-yeah."

"Sorry, Felix is way more gentle than I am." Chan sighed as he threw the paper towel away and opened his backpack to get some ointment that Felix had put there forever ago.

"No, you're fine," Jeongin replied quietly as he took the time to admire Chan up close while he had the chance.

Once Chan began applying it to the bruise on his cheek rather than his lip Jeongin decided to ask since he honestly was worried about the older regardless of how stupid that may sound.

"How are you doing?"

Chan froze and looked at Jeongin's eyes for a second before replying.

"I miss Felix but I did this to myself."

"I'm sure he would forgive you...it just might take a little bit of time."

"What about Jisung?"

"That may take a while longer."

"And you?"

"No time at all." He admitted, glancing down at the floor.

"You don't hate me?" Chan questioned, now finished applying the ointment but he didn't move away from the younger at all.

"No...I assume you have a reason for it. Not that it makes it okay but I don't hate you for hurting me. Maybe for hurting Jisung a little bit but I know that you at least regret it now."

Chan stared at the younger in shock for a few seconds before moving so Jeongin could hop off of the counter.

"Are you going home now?"

"I kinda have to go get some foundation so my parents don't interrogate me." The younger explained.

"Can I go with you?" Chan asked out of nowhere but he wanted to go anywhere but his own house at the moment.

Jeongin showed a smile and nodded, "sure Hyung."

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