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Being in Florida for the last month and a half, I feel more like myself

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Being in Florida for the last month and a half, I feel more like myself. But despite my alone time helping me, I missed them so much. I only thought about the six. The seventh hurts too much and every time I do think about him I instantly curl up into a crying mess. So I've learned to keep my thoughts away from him. I still don't understand why he turned away from me that day at the hospital. I didn't expect us to have a relationship, I know he's been through a lot and I don't know what Opal put him through for the days she had him. The police didn't tell me, saying his family didn't want anyone to know. I don't blame his father, he was only protecting Jimin.

And I say alone time, but I wasn't really alone, Kookie came to me every free minute he could. And the others texted me every two to three days, except for him which made it so much easier to keep my straying thoughts away from him. But at night when I sleep its all I see, hear, taste, smell and definitely feel, waking up hot and bothered. After three weeks I'm so horny I can't wait for them to be finally here. I don't care who the first one will be and I don't think I will be able to keep my hands to myself once he's close, no matter if its Hobi or Kookie. I don't think my soul will be healed enough for one of the other four, but I'm getting closer with every day.

On the plane, flying here I shopped for a house online and dad fixed it all for me, it's my own money, not the company's or dads but mine. This one can function as a getaway too. It's very modern with an open plan and lots and lots of glass at the backside because of the spectacular view of the beach and ocean. Every morning I take a swim, eat breakfast and then either sight see, shop, relax or even work. My shoulder is mostly healed so to pass the time I've taken some dance classes. The first few I was so out of shape, but now I'm back to where I was and Ive learned a few new moves.

When the guys finally get here, they will work for twelve days straight and after that we get two whole weeks and it will be just us eight, just like at my place and where this incredible journey began. The house reminds me of my other house, but some additions had to be made. For the first four weeks I had workers walking in and out for the entire day. They added a dance studio, a recording studio and a gym. This is week six already and next week they will be here, close and some still so far away.

It might look to anyone I'm living here alone, but my shadows obviously came with me. Some renting houses on the same street, keeping an eye on me, but not attracting attention and giving me my freedom. The police did tell me they didn't get Opal or her father so both could become a problem again. For now I feel pretty safe, I almost immediately left Korea, so how the fuck should she know where I am?

In the last week I'm alone, I record my new songs I've written in my time here. I'm sad to say that the other duets need to wait for the next album. I send everything to Mike and he will send me the routines Odi will choreograph. On Saturday evening I see that BTS has arrived today on the news. As expected there was a huge crowd and all seven looked so good. Jimin's face is completely healed and he looks put together, like nothing happened.

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