fatal love

chapter 177

26TH OCTOBER 1981

Sirius sat in another Order meeting, bouncing one knee. Up and down up and down up and down. Order meetings were the only time he left the house now, apart from full moons. Too dangerous, he had to stay inside, had to protect James, and Lily, and Harry. At least it meant he could keep an eye on Remus.

He really thought it might be Remus. He hated himself for thinking that, but all he could see were the signs. Why wouldn't he want the Potters safe? Why hadn't he wanted Sirius to be the Secret Keeper? Why did he always look so tired, so guilty? Remus. Remus, his Moony. His Moony, the traitor.

Up down up down up down. Remus lay one hand on Sirius' knee, stopping the movement. Sirius froze under the touch, and was still for the rest of the meeting.

It ended without Sirius having any idea what had been said. He didn't pay attention to much of anything anymore, there was too much to think about. Keep James safe, keep Lily safe, keep Harry safe. Find the spy. James. Lily. Harry. Spy. James. LilyHarrySpyJamesLilyHarr-

"Black," Moody said, beckoning him. "A word."

Sirius stood up, following Moody out of the room woodenly as the rest of the Order began to depart.

"I have a job for you," Moody said, shutting the door behind them.

"But-"

"I know," Moody interrupted grimly, "but we're running out of other people, so I'm giving you something low risk."

"Alright."

"We're low on dittany again, I need you to go and forage for some more. Nothing too hard, just a couple of hours in the forest, eh?" Moody bared a grin, and Sirius shrugged. Sounded simple enough.

"Okay," he said. "I'll go tomorrow."

"Good lad," Moody said, slapping his shoulder, jovial but animalistic underneath. Weird. Too cheery. "We'll turn this thing around, you just hang in there."

Sirius nodded, and they both left.

Neither man noticed the rat, hidden in a shadowy corner of the room, quivering as it listened.

27TH OCTOBER 1981

"I'm going out," Sirius announced.

Remus frowned. "You are? Why?"

"Moody gave me a job, won't be long."

Remus stood up, the anger on his face clear and present. "He did? But that's not safe!"

Sirius shrugged. "War, innit?"

"Well, where are you going? What are you doing?"

Sirius stood there and didn't reply.

"Sirius!" Remus groaned. "You have to tell me. That's the deal you made us make, remember? We tell each other this shit."

"I remember," Sirius said quietly.

"Then tell me! I'll be scared shitless anyway, at least tell me where you'll be! I- I need to know where to look if you don't come home." Remus gazed at him imploringly.

Sirius stared back at Remus, his lip trembling. He just didn't know. But he wanted to trust, oh how he wanted to trust.

"I- I'm going to Sherwood Forest," he whispered, taking a leap of faith. "Just to get some dittany for Ted. I'll be safe."

Remus nodded, though his fists were clenched. "Okay," he said, though his voice was shaking, "thank you. I'll see you when you get back."

"Yeah. See you."