fatal love

chapter 176

31ST JULY 1981

"Happy birthday Haz," Sirius cooed, holding him so that his feet touched the floor, and it was like he was standing all on his own. "It's your birthday today, that's right. You're one! One whole year old!"

Harry reached his chubby hands out, grabbing at Sirius' face, and Sirius laughed.

"Yeah, Uncle Padfoot's here. I couldn't miss my godson's birthday, could I?"

"Pa... pafoo..." Harry garbled proudly.

Sirius' eyes widened and he whipped his head around, looking at all the other Marauders. "Did you guys just hear that?" he asked excitedly. "He said my name!"

Lily beamed, crouching next to Sirius and tickling her son. "I did. Oh, you're so smart, Harry. Mummy's so pleased with you!"

Sirius looked up. Remus was above him, sat on the sofa while Sirius sat on the floor with Harry.

"Did you hear, Moony?" he asked eagerly.

Remus nodded, smiling tightly. "I heard," he said.

"Congrats, Pads," James grinned.

Sirius pulled Harry forward, holding the baby to his chest. "Oh, Harry, you're the best," he murmured, "can you say it again? Can you say Uncle Padfoot?"

"Pafoo."

"That's it! That's it, well done Haz!"

He looked up at Remus again. He couldn't help it; when he was happy, he looked to Remus. It didn't matter how many doubts he had. Remus leant down, pressing a kiss to the top of Sirius' head.

"Now he's talking, you can start teaching him to swear," he whispered in Sirius' ear.

Sirius snorted, grinning back up at him. "I did have a pretty good teacher myself," he said slyly.

Remus winked at him, and Sirius passed Harry to Lily, getting up and sitting next to Remus. He hadn't sat this close to Remus in a long time, but he did today. He just wanted a break from the suspicion, to ignore it all for a bit and let things feel how they used to. And Harry had just said his name, he was in such a good mood.

"Alright?" Remus asked hesitantly.

Sirius nodded. "Bet he'll say your name next."

"Nah."

"Come on, it's between you and Wormtail, and Wormy won't even hold him, he gets too nervous."

"I dunno." Remus smiled, scratching the back of his neck and flushing. Still gorgeous. Tired, flatter than he was as a teenager, aged well beyond twenty, but still so handsome.

"I do," Sirius said with certainty.

"Alright," James said loudly, clapping his hands together. "I think it's time for presents!"

When they got home, Sirius hesitated. It had been a really good day. Remus had smiled at him, Sirius had smiled back, they had laughed. For a few hours, it had felt like it used to, but he didn't know if it was going to carry over. He didn't know if he wanted it to.

Even good times with Remus hurt now. He didn't know if they were all a lie. He didn't... he hoped they weren't, he hoped he was just paranoid, but-

"Hey," Remus said lightly, "how tired are you? Want to have a drink?" He looked at Sirius hopefully, and Sirius didn't reply for a while, wondering if he should.

"Alright," he said eventually. Remus' eyes lit up, and Sirius managed a small smile, taking the glass offered to him.

"Harry's so sweet, isn't he?" Remus asked.