fatal love

chapter 172

Sirius spent the next couple of weeks furious, stewing and glaring at Remus whenever they were in the same room. The day after he got back, James and Lily came round to see how Remus was doing, and Sirius didn't speak to Remus for the entire time, just held Harry in his lap and whispered to his godson instead.

"Can... can I hold him?" Remus asked him tentatively.

"I don't know," Sirius said in a light tone, bouncing Harry on his knee. "Should we give you to Uncle Moony, Haz? Can we trust him?"

Harry garbled some meaningless sounds.

"That's right!" Sirius cooed. "We can't trust him! Because Uncle Moony is a lying prick, yes he is, yes he is! You're so smart, Harry, much smarter than Uncle Padfoot. He actually did trust Uncle Moony, for some reason."

Remus watched Sirius and sighed, turning away.

"Mate..." James said, gentle but firm, "go on. Let Remus meet him."

Sirius glowered, and reluctantly handed Harry over.

"Thank you," Remus murmured, looking Sirius in the eye. Sirius snorted and stood up, leaving the room.

So that was what things were like at the moment. Sirius didn't even like to look at Remus, couldn't stand seeing his big, apologetic eyes. Apologies were meaningless. Remus had known what he was doing, and he lied to Sirius and did it anyway.

Sirius had thought he was fucking dead.

He ignored Remus as much as possible, eating whenever Remus wasn't in the kitchen and sleeping in the guest room again.

"Pads..." Remus said one day, when Sirius was in the garden, tinkering with the bike.

Sirius refused to look up.

"Please. Come on, you have to at least talk to me."

"That's funny," Sirius said, "because you seemed to think it was perfectly fine to disappear for a month without saying a word. But I have to talk to you?"

"Okay, you don't have to, but I'm asking you to. Or at least tell me what I can do to make it up to you."

"No, Remus, you're just going to have to fucking wait until I even deign to look at you again!" Sirius snapped. "There is no making this up to me! You betrayed me!"

" I'm sorry-"

"Just piss off." Sirius glared at him until Remus gave up, retreating meekly.

24TH SEPTEMBER 1980

When the next moon arrived, Remus approached Sirius awkwardly.

"I... I don't have anywhere to go this month," he said, avoiding Sirius' eyes and refusing to voice the actual question.

Coward, Sirius thought. He clicked his tongue, holding his head high exactly like Walburga used to do when people asked her for favours.

"Well, I'm real happy for you," he said sarcastically, "but I'm not sure what that has to do with me."

"...Okay," Remus said resignedly. "I guess I'll... see you in the morning then?"

"Mhm." Sirius raised an eyebrow as Remus stood there. "Anything else?"

"No." Remus hunched his shoulders, hobbling away. Sirius watched, wavering for the first time in weeks, but shook his head, turning back to his book.

He didn't crack until sunset, when he heard the front door open and close. He sat there for maybe thirty seconds before cursing in frustration, jumping up and chasing after Remus.