fatal love

Chapter 52

The rest of Sirius' Christmas holidays passed without incident. His mother continued her lessons on the Dark Arts, this time teaching them old curses that could hurt someone miles away, if done correctly, and with enough hatred. The Ministry didn't want people even knowing those curses existed, but now he knew them, at fifteen. He couldn't bring himself to care about how immoral the lessons were though. They were interesting, and it was the only time Walburga seemed happy that he was the Heir. Reg just didn't have it in him to do the dark stuff.

In his free time, he studied for Fifth Year. He'd finally finished translating the Transportation Charm, but he still needed something to think about when he was at Grimmauld Place. Anything to distract him from the constant fear of what Walburga might do at any moment.

He'd been doing... other stuff too. Wanking had always been kind of confusing to him, but ever since he discovered boys, he didn't have to make a conscious effort not to think of anything specific when he did it. In hindsight, the fact that he ever did that should have been a sign that he was queer.

That was what Marlene called it. Queer. He'd only ever heard it in a bad way, but she said it so casually, that the word was kind of growing on him. Better than gay, anyway, though he couldn't really say why.

He missed Benjy a surprising amount. He'd gotten used to stolen snogging sessions and whispered flirtations, and found himself rather bored without it. That was where the other stuff came in. He only ever dared do it in the dead of night when he was certain every other person in the house was asleep.

Still, while his holidays were depressing, and filled with an undercurrent of terror that Walburga may Crucio him again, he successfully avoided any fights. And on Sunday, he and Regulus were Apparated to Platform 9 ¾.

"See you in June," Sirius told Walburga flippantly, stalking off before she could grab him. She couldn't call after him on the platform, he thought smugly. That would be undignified. He jumped onto the train, finding the Marauders' compartment easily. When he entered, only Remus was there.

"Moony!" he exclaimed. "You never get here early!"

"I was stressed after almost missing the train last time," Remus smirked.

"How was the moon?" Sirius asked, taking the window seat opposite him.

"Fine. I got a new scar, but it's on my thigh, so no one has to see it at least."

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered. He knew how Remus hated his scars. He still got changed in the bathroom everyday, not even wanting the Marauders to see his body.

"Not your fault," Remus shrugged. "How were your holidays?"

"Shit," Sirius grunted. "Did you hear about the attack?"

"Yeah. I got so scared something happened to Lily."

"Me too."

"How was Walburga?"

Sirius smiled. Ever since he'd started calling her Walburga, Remus had as well, no questions asked. "Still a bitch," he said, "but nothing too awful."

"I think anything she does to you is too awful."

Sirius stared at him, and Remus stared back. His brown eyes were big and honest, and Sirius nodded stiffly. "Yeah, maybe. But I don't have to think about her for months, right?" he chuckled hollowly.

"Right," Remus said quietly, still staring at Sirius.

At that moment, the carriage door opened, and James and Peter barged in.

"What's up guys?" James grinned. "Ready to go back?"

"Absolutely," Sirius laughed, as James flopped down next to him. "How are the parents, Potter?"