fatal love

Chapter 65

An hour before the sun set, Remus had to leave the dorm and go to see Poppy. Normally, this is when Sirius' good mood would disappear. He always seemed so happy the days that the full fell on or near a weekend, and he would spend the whole day with Remus. Remus never understood what he liked about it so much; it wasn't that he wasn't grateful, he was, but it wasn't like they ever did anything that fun. He always worried he was holding Sirius back from doing something with James, that Sirius only stayed out of some sense of obligation, or God forbid, pity, but Sirius had never not stayed with him, insisting it was where he wanted to be.

It was always Remus who left, when he had to go to the Shack. Every month without fail, Sirius' face would fall, and he'd nod quietly, eyes dimming. Not this time though. He smiled encouragingly instead, eyes shining with anticipation.

"I'll go find the lads," he grinned, "and we'll be there by the time you arrive, under the Cloak, so don't worry."

Remus could only manage to hum in acknowledgement. He felt incredibly guilty that his friends were doing this, that he was allowing them to do this. It was the most selfish thing he'd ever done. He was putting them in so much danger. Even if he couldn't infect them, he didn't know what the wolf would do. If it attacked, if they woke up injured, scarred like he was, or even worse...

He was betraying Dumbledore as well, the man who had trusted him, who had broken the law for him, to give Remus an education. He owed his life to Dumbledore, he owed everything to him, and here he was, putting other students at risk. The one thing Dumbledore had said could never happen.

But Remus was selfish, and he didn't want to go through the moons alone. He didn't want to spend more nights in the Hospital Wing. So he'd let the Marauders convince him that it was okay, he'd let Sirius convince him it was okay.

Sighing, he grabbed some clothes to change into. He'd been in bed all day, and he was still in his pyjamas. He moved slowly to the bathroom, his muscles burning, but he didn't want to change in front of Sirius.

Hiding his scars was kind of pointless, he realised. The Marauders would all see them tomorrow morning, when he turned back into a human. But he still wanted to hide them for as long as possible. They were ugly, all over his body, a constant reminder that he wasn't human, that he wasn't like them, as much as he might act like it. He didn't want to remind his friends of that fact.

When he re-emerged, Sirius was waiting for him, practically bouncing with excitement. "Ready, Moony?" he asked.

"As I'll ever be," Remus said. He gave it one last go. "Don't think you have to turn up. I've been doing it on my own my whole life, I'll be fine."

Sirius narrowed his eyes, giving Remus that well-practiced haughty, aristocratic expression he often used when he was annoyed. "Give up," he said, "we're going. Now go find Pomfrey."

Remus nodded, and hobbled down the stairs to the Common Room, and off to the Hospital Wing, going embarrassingly slowly. Poppy was ready for him, as she always was, and gave him a bracing smile. "How are you feeling, dear?" she asked sympathetically.

"Oh, peachy."

She ignored his attitude; she was used to it by now. Poor Poppy always got the rough end of the stick with him - only seeing him before or after a full, when his mood was at its worst. She never got annoyed at him though, and never took anything personally.

"Off we go then," she said briskly, and led him out of the back of the Hospital Wing, the way they always went to avoid being seen by other students who would ask questions. The sun was on the horizon by the time they were at the Whomping Willow, painting the sky a calming orange, a complete opposite of what was to come. Poppy levitated a rock, guiding it to the knot and freezing the tree, and they both crawled through the passage.