fatal love

chapter 126

Andromeda wrote him back the next day. She said that the inheritance was his, and that he shouldn't feel obligated to share it with her, but the idea of keeping it to himself didn't sit right with Sirius. Especially not when she had been the one who put all the work in when it came to Alphard, and Ted had quit his job to work for Dumbledore - they deserved something, at least. Looking at all the documents now in his name gave him a headache though, and he resolved to deal with it over Christmas, and maybe ask Monty to help him sort it all out.

The October moon arrived sooner than expected, and it was a difficult one. Well, the moon passed alright, and the four Marauders ran around the forest happily and without incident, but the next day came with news of another string of werewolf attacks. The werewolves were also obviously being given specific targets, because this time, it was almost all children who were hurt.

Hurt was the wrong word. Hurt implied there was recovery. There wasn't recovery, there were only two options: dead or bitten.

The front page of the Prophet featured a photo of a child, torn open on a hospital bed, no older than six or seven, with Healers operating on the bite. No one knew how they got that photo, or why the fuck the editor decided it should be allowed to publish, but there it was, for everyone to see.

Remus withdrew, after the news. It was weird, for Sirius, to see someone try to cope the exact way he had so many times, the way he knew wasn't really coping, only denial. Remus threw himself into his schoolwork, spending hours and hours in the library, only coming back when it shut. He said he was fine, but refused to elaborate beyond that, no matter how hard Sirius tried.

It was difficult, complicated beyond measure, and layered with so many overlapping feelings. Sirius didn't even know what issue to tackle first. The fact that almost all werewolves, at this point, were fighting for Voldemort, or the fact that it was children who they went after this time. Children who were as young as Moony was, when he was bitten. He didn't know which part was affecting his Remus more, so he didn't know what to say.

The moon had been on Wednesday, and on Saturday night, Sirius threw a hail Mary. He'd been trying to give Remus his space all week, but it clearly hadn't been working. He could see that Remus was struggling, just by looking at him. The bags under his eyes, the tense way he held himself, Sirius could see it. Sirius could see it, and it hurt, because it wasn't something he could make better.

That had always been the issue, with Moony. He remembered what he grew up hearing. There was no problem the Blacks couldn't make disappear. He knew now that that wasn't strictly true. Disappear meant manipulation, blackmail, and murder. And he didn't want to do any of that, so there would always be problems he couldn't solve, now.

The thing was, if it was for Moony, he'd do those things, he'd do all of them. He wouldn't enjoy it, but he would, without a second thought, without blinking an eye. But it wouldn't help, it wouldn't solve anything. He couldn't stop werewolves from fighting for Voldemort, he couldn't go back and stop Moony being bitten. He wished he could, he'd do anything if it meant he could. But it wasn't morals getting in the way, or money, or motivation. It was just the way things were.

That was all he wanted to do; he wanted to make everything okay for Moony. As long as Moony was happy. It was like a mantra.

So on Saturday night, the last Saturday of October, he crept into Remus' bed. It was long past the others falling asleep, and he hadn't slept next to Remus since the moon. But he didn't like the distance, even if it was what Remus wanted. Sirius was needy, whether by nature or another defect that Walburga had programmed into him, and when Remus needed space, he didn't deal with it well. He spiralled, and he didn't want to do that again.

"Moony?" he whispered hesitantly, opening the curtains.

"Yeah?" Remus sighed. He was lying down, facing the other way, and didn't turn to look at Sirius.