fatal love

chapter 153

15TH DECEMBER 1978

"Petrificus Totalus."

Sirius petrified Remus for the second time in two months, watching guiltily as Remus' body became stiff and wooden under the blanket he laid down. He set about carefully applying the dittany and silver, letting the gashes across his skin sew themselves back together.

He bit his lip in worry. There was a particularly bad one tearing through Remus' abdomen - it was a miracle the boy had even managed to apparate. He hadn't been conscious when he'd appeared, but he was conscious now, his eyelids twitching in pain. Blood was pooling, not just dripping, on the floor, and Sirius had to rush what he was doing in panic.

"Fuck," he muttered, as the cut began to close, but too slowly to really stop the blood loss. He pressed a pillow against it as the silver and dittany did its work, trying to hold everything in there, his eyes scanning the other injuries anxiously.

He did all he could before taking the curse off. "I'm sorry," Sirius said at once; it was always the first thing he said. "I'm sorry, Re."

"It's fine," Remus replied; it was always his reply.

Sirius looked at him fretfully. "You need rest. I think you lost a lot of blood, I don't know how much good I did."

"Yeah, alright," Remus said woozily, his eyes already closing again. "Will you stay?"

"Of course, Moony."

Thirty seconds later, and Remus' breathing was peaceful and rhythmic. Sirius waited over him anxiously, cleaning up the blood on the floor and putting away all his healing supplies. When there was nothing else to do, he just hovered, a little bit helpless, semi-reading a copy of the Prophet and checking Remus' temperature constantly.

Remus slept for four or five hours, and when he did awake, he was hungry. Sirius guided him to the kitchen, vanishing the blanket surreptitiously as he did so (the thing was a lost cause, he'd get another one for next time).

He made Remus a peanut butter sandwich and sat at the seat next to him.

"So..." he asked tentatively. "What happened this time?"

Remus chewed quickly, swallowing before he opened his mouth. "They weren't any friendlier," he said. "I knew where to find them this time, but as soon as I got close, three of them pounced on me. Then I ran off."

"It's not your fault."

"Mm," Remus grunted. "Well, I went back a couple of times, but it didn't go any better."

"You did what?" Sirius demanded.

"Went back."

"Remus!"

"What?" Remus said defensively, his face hardening. "It was worth a shot! I'm not making any bloody difference just getting beat up every month, am I?"

"Is this why you were even worse this month?"

"I was fine!" Remus snapped.

"No you weren't!" Sirius stood up suddenly, his chair screeching on the floor. "You weren't, and I'm not going to let you make it any worse for yourself than it has to be!"

"It's me who has to deal with it," retorted Remus. "I can do whatever I see fit."

"It's not just you!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's me who has sleepless nights, me who curses you, me who heals you! And it's not fucking easy! What if one day I can't heal you, Remus?!"

Remus looked down shamefully. "I know it's not easy," he muttered. "Maybe next month I see if Moody can give me a safehouse to go back to, or-"

"Oh Merlin!" Sirius laughed incredulously. "I'm getting so fucking sick of your bullshit solutions! I don't want to not see it, I want it to not happen at all! Do you understand that?!"