𝐈 𝐍 𝐓 𝐎 𝐘 𝐎 𝐔

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐄

TW: Murder, strangling
—————————
3 months and 3 weeks pregnant

I need to get out and do something again. Not going to buy groceries. I need to do something active.
This fucking baby is ruining my life,
I can't do shit anymore.

"Take me to work with you." I pull on Xiao's sleeve.
"I can't do that, your suspended" Xiao says trying to walk off to go to work.
"I don't care. Take me with you. I'm in uniform aren't I?" I state, looking him in the eyes.
"Fine. But if you get sent home don't complain" Xiao takes my hand walking out the door, we enter his car, him taking the drivers side.

We arrive at the gang.
It looks so strange, I haven't been there in ages.
"Y/n what are you doing here?!" People begin to say.
"Y/N!!!" Hutao runs up to me.
"Your here! Wait. Aren't you meant to be suspended?" Hutao steps back, i sigh.
"I want to go on one of the missions" I sates, Xiao instantly turns his attention to me.
"We didn't agree on that Y/n. What if you get hurt? It's too much of a risk" he turns me to face him. My face doesn't change it has a cold emotion painted across it, making Xiao loosen his grip.
"You will be there with me. Why are you worrying" I push his hand off my shoulder and walk away.
I hear slight whispering behind me.
I pick up a knife,
"Your not going Y/n" Zhongli stands behind me, I hold the knife out in front of me.
"Why not." I state my voice is bland and quiet defensive. Xiao and Hutao both immediately pull mr Zhongli back.
"Babe let Y/n go we can be with her and Xiao if you want to?" Hutao reassures him.
The eye contact between me and mr Zhongli is tense, it's like knowing a storm is about to happen. But worse.
"Fine. you can go Y/n but you can't come back until that baby is born" He states, I roll my eyes.
"What's the mission then huh? get it done and over with since you don't want me to be hear" I grunt.

Me and Xiao arrive at the scene.
I wait for a man in a black suit walking out the building.
A rich white man that broke one of our deals, he's been on our hit list for a while.
He's about to get in his car, I slash his neck open.
I hear a scream from the other direction, a woman looking pale as a ghost at me, blood all over my hands and face.
"Y/n!" Xiao shouts, too late I already shot her. The lady falls to the ground, blood shining in the broken street lights.
"What are you doing?! Your not meant to mess with witnesses!" Xiao gets up.
"I don't give two shits anymore. I'm done!" I growl at him.
"What the fuck is wrong with you today?!" He argues back at me, it just makes me more out raged.
"I will fucking kill you. if your not careful" I growl at him once more, he doesn't seem to back down.
I wrap my hand around his neck, digging my nails into his skin.
I feel a pain inside me begging me to stop but I can't.
He's struggling for air.
I can't let go.
There's a war in my head, I don't want to hurt him, I'm just lost.
I'm going insane.
He placed his hand on my cheek.
A tear ran down my face and I fall to the ground Scrambling backwards, snapping back into reality.
"I'm sorry" I say looking at my hands, they are bright red.
Xiao rubs his neck.
"I'm sorry" I repeat tears run down my face, I feel so bad I didn't mean to I didn't want to hurt him.
I swear I didn't mean to.
"I'm so sorry xiao. I don't know what wrong with me. Please don't leave me." I beg and plead with him.
I repeat "I'm sorry" over and over again faster and faster every time I'm losing my breath.
Xiao steps closer to me I go further away from him, as much as I want him to stay I don't want him to come to close if I hurt him.
"Give me your hand" Xiao says calmly.
I pull my hand away from him "I don't want to hurt you again."
"You won't" he crouched down looking at me.
"But what if i do. what if I accidentally stab you again or worse." I look like a scared child in his eyes.
"Y/n. I know you don't mean to" Xiao looks at me in my eyes. A reassuring look that says 'I've got you. you don't have to worry anymore'
I slowly give him my hand, only realising while hiding my hand I've dug my nails in my skin so hard it's bleeding.
Xiao tares his shirt wrapping the wound with the cloth.
"I'm going insane. slowly but surely" I sigh, he looks up at me.
"You just lost control that's all. It happens to the best of us" He avoids the fact that I am going insane, I don't blame him I wouldn't wanna hear my girlfriend say she's insane.
A car pulls up and Hutao runs out.
"Y/n what happened" she says, before looking at Xiao.
"Oh my god Xiao your neck." She looks at him than at me.
I look away I can't take that look she gives.
she sighs, "I knew this would happen"
Zhongli steps out the car to clear the bodies.

While me and Xiao are getting back him the car Zhongli brings Xiao out to 'talk'
It starts off normal until Xiao's face changes, He slams his fist on the roof of the car.
After a while of inaudible shouting Xiao gets in the car with a huff.
"We have to stay at my dads for a while." He grunts, I look down at the floor.
"Hey. Look everything is gonna be okay. Ok?" He lifts my head up smiling at me. I force a smile at him back.

After the shift we all go back to mr Zhonglis place I immediately go upstairs to Xiao's room.
I change into the hoodie he keeps in there for me, I hear shouting from downstairs.
Another argument, quietly I sneak out the room and sit in the door way listening.
"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH Y/N! SHES OKAY, SHE JUST LOST CONTROL." Xiao shouts, there's a pain in his voice.
"And if she keeps loosing control you'll never see Y/n or that baby again" mr zhongli speaks
"STOP COMPARING HER TO AKIRA. SHE ISNT HER FOR FUCK SAKES." Xiao's voice breaks my heart. He's in pain and suffering. Because of me.
"I'm protecting you Xiao! I don't want you to get hurt, she already tried strangling you can't you see the signs. She's already depressed she's not even halfway through the pregnancy!" His dad speaks.
"There's nothing you can do"
"It's in her blood"
"She's going insane.." mr Zhongli states.
"STOP PLEASE. I DONT WANNA LOSE HER." Xiao chokes up.
"Then let me help"
"...why did I get her pregnant.." His voice muffled by tears.
"Hey Xiao it isn't your fault. She did go through with it" Hutao voice enters, soft and sympathetic.
"Yeah but she doesn't want it. She did it because of me...." He cries.
"I'm sorry Xiao" I whisper, I want everything to end.
I inflict pain upon others no matter what I do.
I crawl into the bed pulling the covers over my head. Sobbing.

'Why did I do this. I knew he would be upset about it. Why..'

"...Y/n?..." Xiao lifts the covers off my head.
"What's wrong?..." He tries not to sound like he's been crying.
"I'm so sorry" I cry wrapping my arms around his neck Hugging him tightly.
"You shouldn't be sorry. You shouldn't have felt forced into this mess" Xiao says his voice breaking.
We both feel shit, we are both crying.
"Why didn't you say you wanted an abortion" Xiao parted from the hug. Staring at me in the eyes.
I don't anwser.
"Let's just go to sleep." He states getting in bed with me, wrapping his arms around me.
"I'm so sorry I make you miserable" I whisper.
"You make me the happiest man alive Y/n. don't say that." He whispers back
"I love you so much but please get some rest." He runs his fingers through my hair.
"I love you too Xiao. it will be over soon"
—————————-
I cried.